It has been such a long time I forgot how to log into this space! But I have been thinking of some things and feel I really need to keep a note of some of these thoughts I am having so I can come back and refer to them if needed later. Facebook is great for quick things, but you can't search for specific things very easily, even in your own posting. So I might just have to remember to write things here for my own reasons.
A few weeks ago my nephew forwarded a letter he received from his missionary. I enjoy reading about Bo's missionary experiences and I appreciate receiving these updates from DeVon. On this particular day Bo wrote something that really touched me and made me think. It really wasn't very profound, and when I went back and re-read it I wondered why that touched me so much the first time I read it. I guess I just really needed it that day.
Bo was talking about a person they were teaching. The investigator asked the equestion why his life seemed to get harder when he was doing everything right? When he accepted the invitation to come unto Christ, it seemed to get harder. It made Bo think of Ether 12:27 "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me, for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."
We need to humble ourselves enough to become more like Christ so he can make our weaknesses strong points and, in the end, make us all stronger. He helps us turn our weaknesses into our strong points, but first we must come unto Christ and humble ourselves. He wrote, "So if you are wondering why many things seem to go wrong when you are doing the right things, just remember that it is so that we can become stronger and become more like Christ!"
All those 'church answers' like praying, paying tithing, going to the temple, those things might be hard for us to follow. But I think the weaknesses that are more challenging are even bigger things, things that maybe are more personal things, like kindness, understanding, service, caring, humility itself, When we are struggling with hard things in our life, whatever it might be, we need to turn to Christ and allow Him to show us our weakness, then ask Him to show us ways we can overcome that weakness.
I have been trying so hard to do better at doing what I should, but it seems like I am constantly hit with certain problems that never go away. I just can't get a certain part of my life in harmony with gospel teachings. I feel at a loss of what to do.
I feel the Lord is showing me things I need to do to overcome this problem. I 'think' I am humbling myself, asking and waiting for answers, and following the inspiration or thoughts I am receiving, but things still upset me. It isn't so much that things go wrong, but that it is hard to do what is right when I am dwelling on my upset feelings and what has caused me to feel that way. That is one of my weaknesses. I allow my mind to dwell on things in the past that I cannot change and then that taints my view of the present. I need to remember that God's grace is sufficient for all men, especially those I feel have wronged me. He is giving me plenty of opportunities to work on this weakness. Hopefully I will be able to overcome this weakness and learn to be kinder and more understanding. I just wish it didn't take so long!
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Life is a Game of Candy Crush
Last summer I got bitten by the Candy Crush craze. One day I decided to see what all the hoop-la was all about and I played my first Candy Crush game. It was easy and kind of a fun way to spend a few minutes. It was fun to pass off each level of play, and see it get a bit more difficult as each level was passed. After a while I started to wonder what the next level would be like. What kind of a challenge would it give? One good thing about Candy Crush is that it forces you to stop after five 'lives', forcing you to wait a while to play more. Why is that good? You can definitely get addicted to the game! Oh, you can beg for more lives, but I suggest you don't unless you have all the time in the world to just sit around and play games. (There may be times in your life you actually need to do such a thing, but those times are few and far between.)
This morning I played my limited five sessions of the crazy game. I have been stuck on level 107 for a few weeks now, and as I was trying my best to pass this level, I realized that this game mimics reality. I then realized I needed to write about it before I forget my thoughts. So here goes.
The goal of Candy Crush is finish the task that is set for each level. The task changes at every level. You might need to clear the jellies, drop a certain number of ingredients, or other similar tasks. There are different obstacles in the way to prevent you from achieving these goals. The board is covered with different candies that you must move around to get three or more similar candies in a row. Getting different numbers of candies in a row results in different outcomes. Three in a row simply moves the candies down or over and they disappear allowing other candies to move into their place. Getting four in a row produces striped candies that can clear a row or column in one move. The player must plan out their moves to make the best possible combinations that will allow the best outcomes, with the hope that you can achieve the goal with the highest possible score.
As you play along and reach a level that challenges you, you can be stuck for a LONG time. After finally being able to conquer that level you might be able to breeze through the next few levels with no problems at all, only to be hit with another difficult level. Some people seem to be able to move through these levels with no trouble, even if you are stuck there for a long time. It is all just the 'luck' of the game board.
As I said, I have been stuck on 107 for a few weeks. This morning I was thinking I was finally going beat the level because I had 10 chances to clear just the lower right corner and then I would be able to move on. I was sure I could do it. But each move didn't give me the outcome I was hoping for. I came to the end of the game with that darn corner jelly still in place. I wasn't able to clear that corner. Lucky for me, I still had four lives to play. Again, coming to the end of the game I had one corner left, the lower left. Again, I was unable to clear that corner. The next game only lasted about eight moves before the bombs blew up and the game was over before I had accomplished anything at all. That was when I realized that this game was teaching me a lesson.
Life is a challenge. We are presented with problems to solve, game pieces to move around the board, hoping we can make the right moves to overcome our obstacles. When I focus on one problem, like the corner piece, the rest of the game is responding to my moves, and they don't always work out for my good. Sometimes it turns out for my good, and sometimes it doesn't. When I focus on one problem it might distract my work on another area of my life. The pieces of our family or life move around without our control while we focus on one area. Hopefully it will all fall into place and we can reach our final goal. But sometimes it causes more concerns, things that weren't planned. It seems like those game pieces have a mind of their own!
After those game pieces fall into their new place, they might open up an opportunity that you hadn't noticed before. We might see the same thing with situations in our real lives. Pieces move around and open up opportunities for new lessons or blessings to come into our life. Or it can cause more problems for us as we try to negotiate around the new problems.
Then suddenly, when we least expect it, we can clear the board and achieve our goal! You just never know when that miracle will happen. It might take several weeks, or months, but you keep on working on it until you finally get it done. You move on to another level, which might be a breeze and you are able to conquer it the first time, then move on to the next. But for sure, you will come to another trial that will take a while to work through. You will need to plan each move, watch as nothing works, wonder why those darn pieces don't fall the way you planned. You might be left with a few places that just don't seem to work at all. You move one piece, and ten move in a way you didn't plan. Again, you feel you are doing everything right but it just doesn't work out the way it should.
I look at the situations of my life, knowing they are my life and no one else's. I see myself moving one piece hoping the others will fall the right way, but they don't, leaving me to try to work around a new problem. Even though my husband is there beside me experiencing the same game, we move our pieces around in a different way, resulting in different feelings and outlooks. I am the only one who can play my game. I am the one who struggles through my game board.
I wonder where my pieces are going to fall today.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Long Time, No Write
Have I been too busy to write? Not really, just too lazy maybe. No, not lazy, just not up to doing it. It has been a long time since November. Looking back it seems like forever! Tonight I'm not going to write all the things I have been doing since my last post because I don't have time for that. I will do that maybe next week. Suffice it to say, I've had three surgeries, nine days in the hospital, and six weeks of recovery, and a new hip that works great. Besides that, the holidays have taken up some of our time: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Martin Luther King Day, Valentines Day and the birth of a new granddaughter! That granddaughter is the best of all things to happen. And I am really excited to be able to meet her this weekend. So life has been busy, but it seems like all I have done is just laid around, recuperating. During that recuperating time I did crochet a beautiful blessing dressing for the baby, and a white afghan for her to use on those special days. So I haven't been idle. (More about the new baby in a later post, after I get to kiss her a few hundred times!)
What I want to write about tonight is a talk I found today that really explained some things I have thought about for a long time. It is a talk given by Brad Wilcox. Let me tell you a little bit about him, from my point of view. Brad Wilcox was a professor of writing at BYU. He came to our school district to give some professional development workshops for the teachers. I really enjoyed his workshops, and the stories he told. He has since been a mission president and is now back to teaching again.
You can find the talk I am referring to here at The Redheaded Hostess blog. (The blog is another post, for sure!) Many years ago while I was sitting in an interview to renew my temple recommend, President Craig Johansen asked me to explain the difference between justice and mercy. Nothing like putting me on the spot! I don't remember anything except bumbling my way through that one. I am sure his dad, Mr. Jo, my Extemperaneous Speaking coach wasn't too proud of my 'off-the-cuff' speech, but heck, it was 30 years after my last speech meet! What could he expect from me! Well, after reading this talk by President Wilcox I might be able to do a better job.
We all know how Christ has paid the price for our sins. Most people have seen the movie that shows Jesus explaining how the man paid the debt for the other man. (I'm sure there is a Mormon Channel video, but I'm not taking the time right now to look it up. Sorry about that.) The video explains that Christ pays the price and we are expected to do our best to show Him our thanks. Most of us also know that we are expected to always do our best because of the atonement. But do we see how the atonement is working in our lives. Do we see why and how we must always do our best, and will it ever be enough? Pres. Wilcox explains it in his talk.
He likens Christ atonement, and the concept of justice and mercy, to a mom paying for piano lessons. I am sure he used a mom because....well....mom pays for the piano lessons. The money goes from Mom to the piano teacher. She pays for the lesson because she wants her child to learn to play the music. She wants the child to change from being a non-piano playing child, to being a piano playing child. Just paying for the lessons doesn't make the change, so mom keeps telling the child to practice, practice, practice. Mom knows that is the only way to become better and make the mighty change. Giving the money for the lesson doesn't make the child become a piano-playing child. No one can practice for the child. If someone else steps in and fakes out Mom, in the end the child will still not change into a piano-playing child.
The child might get to the point that he/she starts complaining that it is too hard. The child doesn't see that practicing now will produce something better later on. Most people will say, "I wish my mom had forced me to keep on with my piano lessons," or "I wish I had practiced more so I would be better now." I have never heard anyone say "I wish my mom had let me stop piano lessons, then I wouldn't have had the talent I have now!" Even those who say they have no talent but Mom made them take lessons, they even see the importance of those few years of playing. So Mom saw there was a benefit, a pay-off, for those lessons and the price she paid. She never asked for her money back, she gladly paid the price, and all she asked of us was to practice.
Well, Christ paid the price for us. (justice) He doesn't ask us to pay any price back to him. He just asks us to follow him and keep his commandments. He doesn't want us to pay him back, he doesn't care about that. He knows that by following him and keeping his commandments (all those Sunday School answers), we will be training ourselves to be better piano-playing children....oh, sorry, I mean training ourselves to be more like Him. Repentance is how we show we will follow him and keep his commandments because we are not perfect. It takes practice.
I love his last paragraph: The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can live after we die but that we can live more abundantly (see John 10:10). The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can be cleansed and consoled but that we can be transformed (see romans 8). Scriptures make it clear that no unclean thing can dwell with God (see Alma 40:26), but, brothers and sisters, no unchanged thing will even want to.
(I know, formatting changes right here, but I can't figure out how to get back to the other font. I must have imported it from somewhere else.)
We must change. We must feel remorse for what we have done that is not in harmony with what Christ would want us to do. We must admit where we have not been playing the right song, and take the necessary steps to practice. Of course it means we will have to change, but that change means we are becoming more like Christ wants us to be. That means we practice and practice until we know all the accidentals, the time changes, the flats and sharps, and even if the key signature changes, we can change right along with it because we have practiced enough to know what the song should sound like.
I think one of the things that we don't look and study enough is the feeling of remorse. We must acknowledge that we have done something that was not right, even if we felt it had to be done. We know it was wrong, and we must admit it to the right people and start that mighty change. If we just think "OK, I was justified in what I did" then just go out and play, we won't get that practice done. Practicing twice as long tomorrow won't make us a better player today. Who knows what might happen between now and the next time we get to practice. There might not be a next time. We need to change now. We need to feel that remorse to make it right and practice today. We can't stand by and wish someone else would do it. The price has already been paid. We have an obligation to understand what the Lord sees we can do, and then work toward it. Remorse......knowing we haven't done our best, and admitting it, means we are practicing and becoming more like Him. It is all a process that makes us become better.........
Or we can just sit back and do nothing....... and then wonder why we can't play the piano as well as someone else.
What I want to write about tonight is a talk I found today that really explained some things I have thought about for a long time. It is a talk given by Brad Wilcox. Let me tell you a little bit about him, from my point of view. Brad Wilcox was a professor of writing at BYU. He came to our school district to give some professional development workshops for the teachers. I really enjoyed his workshops, and the stories he told. He has since been a mission president and is now back to teaching again.
You can find the talk I am referring to here at The Redheaded Hostess blog. (The blog is another post, for sure!) Many years ago while I was sitting in an interview to renew my temple recommend, President Craig Johansen asked me to explain the difference between justice and mercy. Nothing like putting me on the spot! I don't remember anything except bumbling my way through that one. I am sure his dad, Mr. Jo, my Extemperaneous Speaking coach wasn't too proud of my 'off-the-cuff' speech, but heck, it was 30 years after my last speech meet! What could he expect from me! Well, after reading this talk by President Wilcox I might be able to do a better job.
We all know how Christ has paid the price for our sins. Most people have seen the movie that shows Jesus explaining how the man paid the debt for the other man. (I'm sure there is a Mormon Channel video, but I'm not taking the time right now to look it up. Sorry about that.) The video explains that Christ pays the price and we are expected to do our best to show Him our thanks. Most of us also know that we are expected to always do our best because of the atonement. But do we see how the atonement is working in our lives. Do we see why and how we must always do our best, and will it ever be enough? Pres. Wilcox explains it in his talk.
He likens Christ atonement, and the concept of justice and mercy, to a mom paying for piano lessons. I am sure he used a mom because....well....mom pays for the piano lessons. The money goes from Mom to the piano teacher. She pays for the lesson because she wants her child to learn to play the music. She wants the child to change from being a non-piano playing child, to being a piano playing child. Just paying for the lessons doesn't make the change, so mom keeps telling the child to practice, practice, practice. Mom knows that is the only way to become better and make the mighty change. Giving the money for the lesson doesn't make the child become a piano-playing child. No one can practice for the child. If someone else steps in and fakes out Mom, in the end the child will still not change into a piano-playing child.
The child might get to the point that he/she starts complaining that it is too hard. The child doesn't see that practicing now will produce something better later on. Most people will say, "I wish my mom had forced me to keep on with my piano lessons," or "I wish I had practiced more so I would be better now." I have never heard anyone say "I wish my mom had let me stop piano lessons, then I wouldn't have had the talent I have now!" Even those who say they have no talent but Mom made them take lessons, they even see the importance of those few years of playing. So Mom saw there was a benefit, a pay-off, for those lessons and the price she paid. She never asked for her money back, she gladly paid the price, and all she asked of us was to practice.
Well, Christ paid the price for us. (justice) He doesn't ask us to pay any price back to him. He just asks us to follow him and keep his commandments. He doesn't want us to pay him back, he doesn't care about that. He knows that by following him and keeping his commandments (all those Sunday School answers), we will be training ourselves to be better piano-playing children....oh, sorry, I mean training ourselves to be more like Him. Repentance is how we show we will follow him and keep his commandments because we are not perfect. It takes practice.
I love his last paragraph: The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can live after we die but that we can live more abundantly (see John 10:10). The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can be cleansed and consoled but that we can be transformed (see romans 8). Scriptures make it clear that no unclean thing can dwell with God (see Alma 40:26), but, brothers and sisters, no unchanged thing will even want to.
(I know, formatting changes right here, but I can't figure out how to get back to the other font. I must have imported it from somewhere else.)
We must change. We must feel remorse for what we have done that is not in harmony with what Christ would want us to do. We must admit where we have not been playing the right song, and take the necessary steps to practice. Of course it means we will have to change, but that change means we are becoming more like Christ wants us to be. That means we practice and practice until we know all the accidentals, the time changes, the flats and sharps, and even if the key signature changes, we can change right along with it because we have practiced enough to know what the song should sound like.
I think one of the things that we don't look and study enough is the feeling of remorse. We must acknowledge that we have done something that was not right, even if we felt it had to be done. We know it was wrong, and we must admit it to the right people and start that mighty change. If we just think "OK, I was justified in what I did" then just go out and play, we won't get that practice done. Practicing twice as long tomorrow won't make us a better player today. Who knows what might happen between now and the next time we get to practice. There might not be a next time. We need to change now. We need to feel that remorse to make it right and practice today. We can't stand by and wish someone else would do it. The price has already been paid. We have an obligation to understand what the Lord sees we can do, and then work toward it. Remorse......knowing we haven't done our best, and admitting it, means we are practicing and becoming more like Him. It is all a process that makes us become better.........
Or we can just sit back and do nothing....... and then wonder why we can't play the piano as well as someone else.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
I've Been Absent
I know...I know...I've been gone for a while and I can't promise I'll be back too soon, but I want to try. I want to write something that will keep my mind focused on what I should be focusing on, not where it seems to always be going. That that it is a bad place, but just not good for my own self-thinking. So here I am trying to get my thoughts down, again.........I'm sure there aren't very many people following me any more, so this will probably be just for me. But that is just fine.
My mind has been very clouded the past few months because of my own doing. Not blaming anyone for my own thoughts. I just seem to not be thinking the right way right now. Today in Sacrament meeting and Relief Society it kind of hit me hard because of two of the songs we sang. I think I need to remember the words to the hymns and look up the scriptures associated with them. Maybe that will get my mind where I should be.
Our opening songs was Truth Reflects Upon Our Senses. Oh, boy, does it ever! I've always thought this song had more of a lecture meaning than any other song in the hymn book, simply because it does! The verses don't seem to go with the chorus because the chorus is just about our Savior guiding us to Him. But, I suppose if we live the message of the verses, that is where we will more likely return. The verses tell us we should not judge others without being open to the same judgement ourselves. We can't tell someone they need to change something, or pull the mote out of their eye, if we don't acknowledge the beam in our own eye. No one is without some problems of our own. We are told by the Savior that we should judge not, because it is high to be a judge. If we want to be pure and holy we must love others, no matter what we may see in them. I read through the two verses that we don't usually sing (I wonder why?) The last few lines really made me think:
Now I'll take no further trouble;
Jesus' love is all my theme;
Little motes are but a bubble
When I think upon the beam.
I know the beam that is referred is the beam in our own eyes, not a glowing beam, but a larger hindrance than a mote in our friends eyes. I always thought of the mote and beam as like a sliver and a big wooden beam. The beam in my eyes makes it difficult to see the mote in my friend's eye. But then I got thinking was there another meaning to the beam? Could it be the beam that Jesus carried when He went to the hill and was died for me? When I think upon that beam, I am reminded that He died to save me from the sins I have committed, sins like judging others. I have had trouble with this lately, and I need to look at myself and see what I can do to get that out of my eyes and look at others more clearly.
The other song we sang in Relief Society was Lord, I Would Follow Thee. We only sang the second verse, but there it was again:
Who am I to judge another When I walk imperfectly?
In the quiet heart is hidden Sorrow that the eye can't see.
Who am I to judge another? Lord, I would follow thee.
The last verse reminds us we should love everyone as Jesus loves us. He will help us find the strength to do so, then we hear ourselves pleading to love our brother, promising the Savior we will follow him. Oh, how I need to remember this, and apply it in my life every day.
I need to look past my own thoughts and feelings and just learn to love as He has loved me. It doesn't do me any good to look at their faults because it makes mine all the more out there for others to see what I am doing wrong. It makes me look like a smaller person when I can't follow the Savior's example and love.
I will be working on this.
My mind has been very clouded the past few months because of my own doing. Not blaming anyone for my own thoughts. I just seem to not be thinking the right way right now. Today in Sacrament meeting and Relief Society it kind of hit me hard because of two of the songs we sang. I think I need to remember the words to the hymns and look up the scriptures associated with them. Maybe that will get my mind where I should be.
Our opening songs was Truth Reflects Upon Our Senses. Oh, boy, does it ever! I've always thought this song had more of a lecture meaning than any other song in the hymn book, simply because it does! The verses don't seem to go with the chorus because the chorus is just about our Savior guiding us to Him. But, I suppose if we live the message of the verses, that is where we will more likely return. The verses tell us we should not judge others without being open to the same judgement ourselves. We can't tell someone they need to change something, or pull the mote out of their eye, if we don't acknowledge the beam in our own eye. No one is without some problems of our own. We are told by the Savior that we should judge not, because it is high to be a judge. If we want to be pure and holy we must love others, no matter what we may see in them. I read through the two verses that we don't usually sing (I wonder why?) The last few lines really made me think:
Now I'll take no further trouble;
Jesus' love is all my theme;
Little motes are but a bubble
When I think upon the beam.
I know the beam that is referred is the beam in our own eyes, not a glowing beam, but a larger hindrance than a mote in our friends eyes. I always thought of the mote and beam as like a sliver and a big wooden beam. The beam in my eyes makes it difficult to see the mote in my friend's eye. But then I got thinking was there another meaning to the beam? Could it be the beam that Jesus carried when He went to the hill and was died for me? When I think upon that beam, I am reminded that He died to save me from the sins I have committed, sins like judging others. I have had trouble with this lately, and I need to look at myself and see what I can do to get that out of my eyes and look at others more clearly.
The other song we sang in Relief Society was Lord, I Would Follow Thee. We only sang the second verse, but there it was again:
Who am I to judge another When I walk imperfectly?
In the quiet heart is hidden Sorrow that the eye can't see.
Who am I to judge another? Lord, I would follow thee.
The last verse reminds us we should love everyone as Jesus loves us. He will help us find the strength to do so, then we hear ourselves pleading to love our brother, promising the Savior we will follow him. Oh, how I need to remember this, and apply it in my life every day.
I need to look past my own thoughts and feelings and just learn to love as He has loved me. It doesn't do me any good to look at their faults because it makes mine all the more out there for others to see what I am doing wrong. It makes me look like a smaller person when I can't follow the Savior's example and love.
I will be working on this.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
My Reading
I like to read books, all types of books. I pick up and put down books all over the place. I can have one in the bathroom, one by my bed, one in the kitchen, one in the car, one at school, and be reading them all at the same time. Now I also have one, .... no, many, on my iPad that I can read in the car as we are traveling at night, no less! And the light doesn't disturb the driver. But I don't read it while I am driving, of course.
When I started going to the 'gym' to work out last January/Feb, I hated to walk on the treadmill and just look at the wall. There is a large window that looks out on Main Street, but let's face it, Main Street of Castle Dale just isn't too exciting to watch. There was a lot of excitement every Friday night as the traffic stopped to visit the store next door. I would see many people coming out with brown paper sacks filled with the bottles they purchased while in the State Drink Store. But that was the most excitement in town. So I decided to start reading a book while I walked. A great way to multi-task! I read a very sad/wonderful/well-written book about a little boy with cancer (You Can Keep Him) and what the family went through as they prepared him for death. I read about a near-death experience of a neuro-surgeon (of another faith) and was amazed at what he learned and how it changed his life (Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon's Journey Into the Afterlife. I read about a young lady who set a goal to find out about faithpray with faith." Her book is great and I recommend it to someone who wants to read a quick, easy-read with lots of scriptures to look up to study. And I read Dr. Phil's Life Code...just
, so she set up her "Faith Experiment." and it worked for her. One quote I love from her book is "Once you know that the thing you are praying for is acceptable to God--that it's an okay thing to ask for--it completely changes your ability to
because I needed it.
I just finished another book that was very enlightening to read: President Monson's biography. (If my memory is right, my son tells me he went to medical school with the author's son.) When the font on my book is large enough for me to read while walking, it causes this book to be about 1500 pages long! But I am now finished with the book. I really learned to love how President Monson prayed to know what to pray about, and how he knew when his prayers were answered. That is something I need to work on.
Now I am reading the second volume of Dean Hughes latest series; Come to Zion: Through Clouds and Sunshine. I enjoyed his earlier series Hearts of the Children, and Children of the Promise. I am amazed that he can write about so many characters and keep them so true to themselves throughout the series. This is a very interesting story and I am excited to be reading it.
I am also reading a John Grisham novel, The Confession. A very interesting turn-of-events novel. I really enjoy his legal stories.
That doesn't mean I am not reading my scriptures or other church books. I am still reading "If God Loves Me, Why This? I was planning on writing more about it tonight, but I am tired and need to go get ready for bed.
What are you reading this summer? (I couldn't copy the covers of the other books because Amazon does not allow it. At least I wasn't able to get it to work.)
When I started going to the 'gym' to work out last January/Feb, I hated to walk on the treadmill and just look at the wall. There is a large window that looks out on Main Street, but let's face it, Main Street of Castle Dale just isn't too exciting to watch. There was a lot of excitement every Friday night as the traffic stopped to visit the store next door. I would see many people coming out with brown paper sacks filled with the bottles they purchased while in the State Drink Store. But that was the most excitement in town. So I decided to start reading a book while I walked. A great way to multi-task! I read a very sad/wonderful/well-written book about a little boy with cancer (You Can Keep Him) and what the family went through as they prepared him for death. I read about a near-death experience of a neuro-surgeon (of another faith) and was amazed at what he learned and how it changed his life (Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon's Journey Into the Afterlife. I read about a young lady who set a goal to find out about faithpray with faith." Her book is great and I recommend it to someone who wants to read a quick, easy-read with lots of scriptures to look up to study. And I read Dr. Phil's Life Code...just
, so she set up her "Faith Experiment." and it worked for her. One quote I love from her book is "Once you know that the thing you are praying for is acceptable to God--that it's an okay thing to ask for--it completely changes your ability to because I needed it.
I just finished another book that was very enlightening to read: President Monson's biography. (If my memory is right, my son tells me he went to medical school with the author's son.) When the font on my book is large enough for me to read while walking, it causes this book to be about 1500 pages long! But I am now finished with the book. I really learned to love how President Monson prayed to know what to pray about, and how he knew when his prayers were answered. That is something I need to work on.
Now I am reading the second volume of Dean Hughes latest series; Come to Zion: Through Clouds and Sunshine. I enjoyed his earlier series Hearts of the Children, and Children of the Promise. I am amazed that he can write about so many characters and keep them so true to themselves throughout the series. This is a very interesting story and I am excited to be reading it.
I am also reading a John Grisham novel, The Confession. A very interesting turn-of-events novel. I really enjoy his legal stories. That doesn't mean I am not reading my scriptures or other church books. I am still reading "If God Loves Me, Why This? I was planning on writing more about it tonight, but I am tired and need to go get ready for bed.
What are you reading this summer? (I couldn't copy the covers of the other books because Amazon does not allow it. At least I wasn't able to get it to work.)
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Why This? Why Now? Why Me?
This life is a test. I don't like taking tests! But I need to remember that I agreed to this test. That doesn't mean I have to like it, but I did agree. And I know there is someone on the other side pulling for me, so that helps make it all just a bit easier. Heck, I know a lot of people on the other side who are pulling for me. Why can't I pull for myself? I guess I need to clarify all this. I am doing fine. I am not having any difficulty emotionally or spiritually right now. That isn't to say that tomorrow might be the same. But right now I am fine. Which is why I can see the errors of my thinking when I am down in the dumps and things go wrong. It is always so difficult at that time, during our trials, to feel that everything is going wrong, that you don't get answers to prayers, that you don't understand why you have to go through another problem. I guess that is why I feel the need to share what I have learned lately when I have not been in that strange darkness.
Long ago I read a book called If God Loves Me, Why This? I found it again when I was cleaning off my bookshelf. I started looking through it and thought someone I love really needs to read this. So I packed it up and took it for a drive. But during the next few weeks I really wanted to read it again, at least to look through the pages and find some comforting words for many other people I know who are going through trials. So I took it back. I know. You shouldn't do that. But I will give it away again, I promise. Like the BFG said, "In about 80 years or so."
The comforting part I really needed was to read again how much my Father in Heaven really does love me, even if I can't see that. He is the 'perfect' parent. The one who does everything right. You know that kind. Well, since He is perfect, He must know what my needs are and even if I don't feel He is near me, He really, truly is. This book stresses that we must remember who we are and what our relationship to God is. We also need to remember that Satan is the father of all lies, so he doesn't want us to be happy. When we aren't happy, he is happy. He wants to keep us away from our Heavenly Father. Sometimes he does a good job of it, too.
But our Heavenly Father is still there. Neal A. Maxwell said, "God has no distracting hobbies off somewhere in the universe. We are at the very center of His concerns and purposes." (Ensign, November 2003, 100.) Must have been a conference talk. But it is true. God isn't involved in a hobby! We are what brings Him joy. He wants to help us. So he sent us to Earth to learn, knowing it would be difficult. Boy was He ever right!
One line in the book tells us that perhaps God said, "It requires that I do not intervene to soften the impact of your choices--or the harmful effect that the choices of others would have upon you." Oh, how true. We have to experience consequences of choices made by others. What we do with those consequences is our choice. Then the book also says, "In many cases, those hurt most would be innocent of wrongdoing." Now, I don't know about you, but that is the first time I have ever read anyone acknowledge that those hurting might be innocent. Think of our children who suffer because of nothing they have done. God knows this. But he can't stand in the way of the consequences. The author goes on to say, "What if our options are limited by the decisions others make? What if our physical condition keeps us from having meaningful life choices? Then the mercy of a loving Father's plan is our hope. The Atonement provides the final leveling of all our obstacles. Our acceptance of the Savior's atoning sacrifice brings us home. We are evaluated on our circumstances and the choices we would have made if we had been free to make them." What powerful words to think about. ....If we had been free to make them...... I guess He knows what we would have done by our past choices that we DO make. Maybe I need to show HIM that I will make right choices for the things I do have control over. "There is a way to provide for those who have been robbed of some of their life choice. HE is the way, the truth, and the life. He employeth no servant there" (2 Nephi9:41). HE is the only one, the only way. Because HE loves us, there is a way.
I love this sentence: "God doesn't love us because we are particularly lovable. he loves us because he is God, he is our Father and he has chosen to love us." God is perfect. He loves everyone. I know it is easy to think that God doesn't love ME when I am down. But He has chosen to, and HE does. Just as a parent loves their child. He cares for us as we do our own children, only a whole lot more. Our children don't need to earn our love before we learn to love them. We love them before we even see them. Why is it so difficult to believe that God loves us as much? We love our children unconditionally. Why would God put conditions on His love? Why do we think we have to "earn" His love? When our child struggle and make poor choices, we still love them and want them to see the errors of their ways. Why do we think God isn't the same? Why do we suppose Father withdraws when we are less than perfect? He doesn't. We are the ones who move away from him.
Can you recognize the pride a parent feels when their child has been honored with some award, or does something so good that others take notice? Well, guess what? Our Father in Heaven feels that same pride. When we make a good choice, we bring Him happiness. He doesn't sit there and complain when we don't do it every day, but He rejoices with us in our happiness and our good choice. Think of it this way: When we make good choices, like going to church, paying our tithing, serving others willingly, relieving other's burdens, we are bringing happiness to HIM. When we keep trying, He is happy.
Remember learning to ride a bike with training wheels? Usually the Dad runs along beside the child on the bike, helping him/her learn to keep balance. They know there will be a fall, a hurt knee, whatever. But they don't say, "NO! It is too dangerous! You can't ride a bike, ever!" No, he runs along beside, giving a helping hand when needed. Well, our Father in Heaven does the same thing. He knows we will fall down, we will get hurt, we will be a wreck, but He is there to help us keep our balance, until we are ready to ride by ourselves. And even then, he will be watching us, ready to help us if and when we fall again, because He knows we will.
We just need to keep trying. Get back up on our bikes, cautiously pick up our feet and start to pedal again. He will smile at us, assure us He is there. Then we have to keep going, making those good choices and decisions so He has to run to keep up with us. He loves us as a father loves his son or daughter. He wants us to be happy. He knows what He has to do to be happy, and He wants us there with him. But it is our choice. That is the trail we are going through. And when we can accept all of that in our lives, the other trials will be so much less of a burden. He is there to help us through. We just have to ask, and through the Holy Ghost, we will know what we must do. When we think He must not love us because we have too much of a burden to bear, we need to remember that He has already paid the price of that burden. We made the choice to do whatever it was to receive that burden, or the choices of others gave us these burdens, but Jesus already paid the price for them. We just now have to make choices to overcome the effects of the choices. Jesus agreed to pay the price before we even knew what the price would be! We knew we would have problems, but Jesus said he would pay for it. Now we just have to love Him because of his kindness and love, and show how much we appreciate his love by doing what He has asked us to do. Get back on that bike and try it again!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Compassion
I've been doing a lot of thinking about the word "Compassion." Does it always mean to give a meal to someone? To give a shoulder to cry on? Does it mean that someone is sad and someone listens to them? Does it mean to be sad along with someone? I looked up the word in an on-line dictionary (Are there many off-line dictionaries being used any more?) and found this definition:
OK. I can go along with that, especially the last sentence: its focus is primarily on the alleviation of suffering.
Why is compassion such a difficult trait for some people to show? We learn from our church leaders that compassion is a sign of strength. So why are we so quick to judge someone who is in a poor situation, instead of showing compassion for them? Why do we just to "It was their own choice that got them here!" instead of feeling compassion and the desire to help them out of their suffering. And I don't mean to literally help them out of their suffering by handing over money to purchase food, or pay rent, or buy new clothes, or whatever might be helpful at the time. But many times all a person needs is to know that someone cares and is willing to listen.
An other factor of compassion would be when someone delays making a decision, or doesn't want things known to another person because of the ridicule they feel would come to them from someone that should love and care for them. As a Latter-Day Saint, is it so easy to be the person others think might ridicule them? It might happen more than we think. It is easy to think that our actions don't hurt others when, if we take a step back and place ourselves in the shoes of others, we might see that,yeah, maybe we are being a big harsh, and we need to alleviate the suffering, instead of defending our own feelings. After all, it isn't a sign of weakness.
I am still not sure that compassion must always be when someone is suffering. Remember when the scriptures told us to "mourn with those who mourn, and comfort those that need comfort"? Lately I have come to feel that we must show compassion for those who are happy as well. Why not rejoice when someone rejoices? Maybe I am missing a word here that I should remember, but when something good happens to someone else, shouldn't we be happy with them? Is "empathy" the right word for that, or does empathy mean to understand how someone feels when they are down or sad?
I have witnessed several times the last few weeks when someone has experienced something good, good in their own eyes. A blessing has happened in their lives, a goal reached, or a milestone approached. But there are some people who just can't rejoice with them. Instead, they secretly question or show a great lack of caring for the person. I don't understand this. Why not be happy for them?
I remember my dad telling of "a certain man lived in town" (Dad always taught in parables.) This man was able to purchase a new vehicle but most of his friends taunted him, ridiculed his choice of models, teased his ability to pay for it, etc. Dad learned a lesson at that time to just tell the man that he admired his ability to get this new vehicle. He rejoiced with him, let him talk about his new purchase. It didn't take anything away from Dad's life, but made the man happy for a few minutes. The man also left with more respect for Dad because he showed compassion to him.
In the scripture story about Joseph and his brothers, remember that Joseph had all the reasons in the world to feel bitter toward his brothers. They sold him away! They hated him! They lied about him! They wanted him gone. But when Joseph saw their condition, and knew he could help them, he showed compassion. He didn't wait for them to say they were sorry, and to beg his forgiveness. Joseph did what he knew he should do. He knew that God had placed him in a position to help his brothers. And he did what needed to be done.
I don't believe the Lord expects us to give of our stored food and all of our worldly gains in order to show compassion. But a simple kind word, an acknowledgment of a blessing, an invitation to associate with us goes a long way to showing compassion to others. Joseph did this by inviting his brothers to live near him, and he would nourish them. He didn't banish them to outer darkness. He didn't say "Only my father can come with me because he didn't sale me away." He looked at compassion on the suffering of his brothers and knew he was responsible for showing kindness to them.
If we are to liken the scriptures unto ourselves, should we show compassion for others by joining in with their joy? And letting them know we feel their happiness? Or should we ridicule others and cause them to feel ashamed because of our own high stature? Or should we look at those who may be caused us pain and invite them into our celebrations anyway, because that is what we should do? Or should we look at their situation and say "It is because of what they did?"
I having been thinking a lot about the trait of Compassion lately. I also found this to think about:
Compassion is an emotion that is a sense of shared suffering, most often combined with a desire to alleviate or reduce the suffering of another; to show special kindness to those who suffer. Compassion essentially arises through empathy, and is often characterized through actions, wherein a person acting with compassion will seek to aid those they feel compassionate for.
Compassionate acts are generally considered those which take into account the suffering of others and attempt to alleviate that suffering as if it were one’s own. In this sense, the various forms of the Golden Rule are clearly based on the concept of compassion.Compassion differs from other forms of helpful or humane behavior in that its focus is primarily on the alleviation of suffering.
OK. I can go along with that, especially the last sentence: its focus is primarily on the alleviation of suffering.
Why is compassion such a difficult trait for some people to show? We learn from our church leaders that compassion is a sign of strength. So why are we so quick to judge someone who is in a poor situation, instead of showing compassion for them? Why do we just to "It was their own choice that got them here!" instead of feeling compassion and the desire to help them out of their suffering. And I don't mean to literally help them out of their suffering by handing over money to purchase food, or pay rent, or buy new clothes, or whatever might be helpful at the time. But many times all a person needs is to know that someone cares and is willing to listen.
An other factor of compassion would be when someone delays making a decision, or doesn't want things known to another person because of the ridicule they feel would come to them from someone that should love and care for them. As a Latter-Day Saint, is it so easy to be the person others think might ridicule them? It might happen more than we think. It is easy to think that our actions don't hurt others when, if we take a step back and place ourselves in the shoes of others, we might see that,yeah, maybe we are being a big harsh, and we need to alleviate the suffering, instead of defending our own feelings. After all, it isn't a sign of weakness.
I am still not sure that compassion must always be when someone is suffering. Remember when the scriptures told us to "mourn with those who mourn, and comfort those that need comfort"? Lately I have come to feel that we must show compassion for those who are happy as well. Why not rejoice when someone rejoices? Maybe I am missing a word here that I should remember, but when something good happens to someone else, shouldn't we be happy with them? Is "empathy" the right word for that, or does empathy mean to understand how someone feels when they are down or sad?
I have witnessed several times the last few weeks when someone has experienced something good, good in their own eyes. A blessing has happened in their lives, a goal reached, or a milestone approached. But there are some people who just can't rejoice with them. Instead, they secretly question or show a great lack of caring for the person. I don't understand this. Why not be happy for them?
I remember my dad telling of "a certain man lived in town" (Dad always taught in parables.) This man was able to purchase a new vehicle but most of his friends taunted him, ridiculed his choice of models, teased his ability to pay for it, etc. Dad learned a lesson at that time to just tell the man that he admired his ability to get this new vehicle. He rejoiced with him, let him talk about his new purchase. It didn't take anything away from Dad's life, but made the man happy for a few minutes. The man also left with more respect for Dad because he showed compassion to him.
In the scripture story about Joseph and his brothers, remember that Joseph had all the reasons in the world to feel bitter toward his brothers. They sold him away! They hated him! They lied about him! They wanted him gone. But when Joseph saw their condition, and knew he could help them, he showed compassion. He didn't wait for them to say they were sorry, and to beg his forgiveness. Joseph did what he knew he should do. He knew that God had placed him in a position to help his brothers. And he did what needed to be done.
I don't believe the Lord expects us to give of our stored food and all of our worldly gains in order to show compassion. But a simple kind word, an acknowledgment of a blessing, an invitation to associate with us goes a long way to showing compassion to others. Joseph did this by inviting his brothers to live near him, and he would nourish them. He didn't banish them to outer darkness. He didn't say "Only my father can come with me because he didn't sale me away." He looked at compassion on the suffering of his brothers and knew he was responsible for showing kindness to them.
If we are to liken the scriptures unto ourselves, should we show compassion for others by joining in with their joy? And letting them know we feel their happiness? Or should we ridicule others and cause them to feel ashamed because of our own high stature? Or should we look at those who may be caused us pain and invite them into our celebrations anyway, because that is what we should do? Or should we look at their situation and say "It is because of what they did?"
I having been thinking a lot about the trait of Compassion lately. I also found this to think about:
Why develop compassion in your life? Well, there are scientific studies that suggest there are physical benefits to practicing compassion — people who practice it produce 100 percent more DHEA, which is a hormone that counteracts the aging process, and 23 percent less cortisol — the “stress hormone.”
I don't know about you, but I need less stress in my life. However, I know that some people will think that by showing compassion and forgiveness more stress is caused in their lives. But the Lord has promised us peace when we are kind to others.
But there are other benefits as well, and these are emotional and spiritual. The main benefit is that it helps you to be more happy, and brings others around you to be more happy. If we agree that it is a common aim of each of us to strive to be happy, then compassion is one of the main tools for achieving that happiness. It is therefore of utmost importance that we cultivate compassion in our lives and practice compassion every day.
This article is great for teaching us how to develop compassion. It is a skill that needs to be practiced. Perhaps you might want to read it as well. Here is another article that I have been reading. Just some food for thought. But good food.
The best examples of compassion come from our Savior, Jesus Christ. The scriptures are filled with stories of the compassion He has for others. If we truly wish to become more Christlike in our actions, we might want to work on showing compassion to others. I know that is something I am going to be studying and working on this summer. I will be looking up scriptures that teach compassion and writing them in my scripture journal. That is one of my study goals.
What are your study plans?
I don't know about you, but I need less stress in my life. However, I know that some people will think that by showing compassion and forgiveness more stress is caused in their lives. But the Lord has promised us peace when we are kind to others.
But there are other benefits as well, and these are emotional and spiritual. The main benefit is that it helps you to be more happy, and brings others around you to be more happy. If we agree that it is a common aim of each of us to strive to be happy, then compassion is one of the main tools for achieving that happiness. It is therefore of utmost importance that we cultivate compassion in our lives and practice compassion every day.
This article is great for teaching us how to develop compassion. It is a skill that needs to be practiced. Perhaps you might want to read it as well. Here is another article that I have been reading. Just some food for thought. But good food.
The best examples of compassion come from our Savior, Jesus Christ. The scriptures are filled with stories of the compassion He has for others. If we truly wish to become more Christlike in our actions, we might want to work on showing compassion to others. I know that is something I am going to be studying and working on this summer. I will be looking up scriptures that teach compassion and writing them in my scripture journal. That is one of my study goals.
What are your study plans?
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Much Ado About........
Recently, two of my daughters have been in conversations with people concerning the "Common Core State Standards" which are being implemented in our state schools. These conversations have led them both to be concerned about what, exactly, is being pushed in our schools. I have tried to add to my own research about this subject and want to write a little (no, probably a lot) about what I am finding and what I believe.
First of all, I am a teacher in my local elementary school. I am in my 28th year of teacher. (Yes, I can't believe it has been so long! My how time flies!) I have a BS degree from Weber State College (Weber State University now), with a major in Elementary Education and double minors in geography and music. I also have a MEd. (Masters of Education) from SUU with a reading endorsement, and a math endorsement. I am listed as a "Highly Qualified Teacher". I have received the Crystal Apple Award from Emery Tel-Com, as well as an Arch Coal Teacher of the Year 2011. But more important than these awards, I have a love for teaching children and a desire to help them achieve their highest potential. This desire translates into my teaching, as I encourage students to do more than they believe they can. Setting high expectations encourages better outcomes. A wise person once told me, "If you shoot for the stars, you might hit the moon. If you only shoot for the moon, you probably won't get there." In other words, set your goal high. Even if you don't hit that goal, you will be farther along than if you didn't set it at all.
So what does this have to do with the Common Core. Not much! :) But I thought I would at least let you know that I am a person who values education and I know from experience what works in my classroom and what doesn't. I also know from experience that what works today might not work tomorrow. What didn't work yesterday, might work next week. Because we work with children, who are humans, there are no absolutes. We must monitor and adjust everything we do for the students we influence each year. We must adjust. And that is a lesson for life.
When I started teaching third grade, after a year in sixth grade, I received a book (folder) called "Utah State Core Curriculum." I was told to memorize the information in that book because that was what I was supposed to teach my third graders. It was arranged by subjects: Language Art, Reading, Math, Science, Social Studies, Health, Healthy Lifestyles, Arts (Music, Dance, Drama, Visual Arts)....am I leaving anything out? It was very detailed and told me exactly what I was to teach, right down to the musical instruments, artist and their pictures, exercises in PE, planning a balanced menu, favorite National Parks, etc. Each subject area was broken down into Standards and Objectives. There were also items called ILOs which are Indicated Learning Outcomes, known to teachers as Indicators. We had a list of vocabulary words each grade level student was expected to know. And students would be tested on these standards, objectives, and indicators.
But back then, students weren't tested just once a year, they were tested at least three times a year: first, middle, and end, but only in Language Arts and Math. These tests were known as "Benchmark Tests." They were given to us from the state and used for data collection for the teacher to know just how students were coming along with the standards, objectives, and indicators they needed to learn. Where the students on tract to be called "successful learners" of the curriculum? The tests back then were paper and pencil, fill-in-the-bubble sheets if you were lucky enough to teach 4-6, write-in-your-booklet for K-3. These were sent to the district, and then eventually the state, for grading. A few months later we received the data of those results and were told to teach accordingly. But by that time we were closer to the next benchmark test, which made it difficult to use the data for any informed teaching decisions. In the long run, we all seemed to do fairly well. I don't recall any complaints or problems with the situation.
Soon third graders were given another battery of tests called the "IOWA" test. This was given in the fall of the year, aimed to see if they learned what they should have learned in second grade. This IOWA test was a standard based test, a test given to everyone across the country. Imagine that! A national test, way back then! Why didn't the public cry about that? This test gave us a percentile for each student in our third grade classes---across the country. If your child earned an 85 percentile score, it meant that if you took any 100 students and lined them up according to their scores, this particular student would land in the area where 85 of the children would score LOWER than they did. Consequently, if your child scored 21 percentile, it meant that only 21 of the students scored lower than your child scored.
Of course, the questions on the test were not always applicable to our area, so some questions were always missed. My students in Utah, on a third grade level, did not all understand why the Statue of Liberty was a gift from France, so that missed that question. They didn't understand the air pollution that was pictured coming out of a manufacturing plant, so they missed the question on air pollution.
The questions were also of a nature that only a few students would be able to answer some of the math or reading questions, the students who were very gifted in those area. That way the "higher" thinking students would earn the higher percentile scores. That is just the nature of standardized tests. You have to have more difficult questions in order to see who knows more. Let me assure you, teachers don't like these tests as the only way of learning what students know. We would much rather give a criterion reference test, but when you are testing so many students across the country, you get that type of test. But the point is: It happened in the past and no one complained. Why is it such a big thing now?
Now, back to Common Core State Standards, known as CCSS. A few years ago we learned about a consortium of states getting together to create a curriculum that would help states align educational goal across the country. Because national population was becoming so mobile, and technology bringing people closer together, it was found that there were holes in education across the country. When a new student would move into a district, there was no promise that his/her education would not end up without learning some necessary skills simply because of different curriculum taught in the different school districts. I had a young girl move in from Alabama. (What a joy she was! Loved being call "Ma'am".) She struggled at first because she did not have the same background skills as our students. She was bright enough to catch on quickly, but not all students are so lucky. As teachers, we were happy to have a curriculum which would help us know that our students would be competitive with the rest of the country. We realized the value of education authorities from each state actually getting together and looking at what a good education means at each level of school. The CCSS are not a product of the national government.
The nation’s governors and education commissioners, through their representative organizations the National Governors Association (NGA) and the Council of Chief State School Officers (CCSSO) led the development of the Common Core State Standards and continue to lead the initiative. Teachers, parents, school administrators and experts from across the country together with state leaders provided input into the development of the standards. http://www.corestandards.org/resources/frequently-asked-questions
I now look at my document of the CCSS and know that my students will be learning the same things as other third graders around the country. It is my job to make sure we keep up with the rest of the world. I don't understand why some people think that isn't important. Why should we not expect students in Utah to know the same thing as students in Florida, New York, or Michigan?
From the reading I have done the past few weeks (OK, months), I think people have mixed up the CCSS with the textbooks chosen by their local district. Let me assure you, CCSS and textbooks are not synonyms! Most districts choose textbooks for math and reading. This gives a basic structure for the teacher to pull lessons for students. However, a teacher usually has many additional resources where he/she can pull more lessons. It is up to the teacher to create the lessons that will benefit the students.
In one post I read about a father who was not able to help his child with a fifth grade math equation. The father found that the student of CCSS and was being taught from a math curriculum that was beyond his own learning. Since I know quite a few different math curriculums (read that as textbook), I know some of them teach in a very different way. Our local school district bought a new textbook about 4 years ago, and it is really different in many of these same ways. But that is the direction of the textbook, not the CCSS. If you read the CCSS you will see that it never says anything about the way to work a math problem, just that a student should have several ways to solve a problem. We all solve math problems differently, so why not teach a few different ways?
We have heard comments like this for many years:
I also read an article that didn't like the word "standard" or "standardized." I don't understand that. Don't we all live by "standards"? Most organizations have "standards" to meet. Definitions of "standard" as found in Webster's New World Dictionary says:
Utah State Core Be sure to click on the "Additional Resources" listed above the subjects. (This will take you to a place where you can find more about the Common Core State Standards. Lots of information here.)
When you look at the subject charts you might notice that there are two Language Arts listed. The 2011 is the CCSS, the other one was the previous core standards used in prior years. You can see the difference between the two.
Language Arts Third Grade I am listing this because I teach third grade. When you get to this site you will see there is a place where you can get a PDF file of the standards showing all K-5 standards for language arts. This is a great place to see what is actually expected of students in the different grade levels. I have it downloaded on my school computer and use it all the time. But it does not dictate HOW I teach the standards, just tells me what a student should know by the end of the year.
Mathematics 2011 Same comments for the math standards (listed as Domains.) Same instructions here. A great repository for information, lesson plans, ideas, etc. Invaluable to teachers. Click on the printable version for more information.
Utah State Office of Education This is the State website. I understand they are revamping everything, so the link might end up broken. But for now it is a good place to go for information from the state.
Now, I want to say a little bit about testing and funding. No one hates tests more than teachers. We know what our students know. But the state (read PUBLIC) wants accountability, so we have to prove to them what we already know about our students. We are sometimes pleasantly surprised at what each child does. we are sometimes disappointed in how some students do. We also know that a test taken on one day can have totally different results on another day. But, again, everyone wants accountability. So we test and accept the results. As teachers, we do what we are told to do as far as testing. We really don't have a choice. Data is important for us. We use data to see if we need to re-address a certain area. When I teach about fractions, then test my students I want to know if most of the class miss the questions. If so, we will work a few more days on fractions because that is something the kids really need before they are moved on to fourth grade and need to add and subtract fractions, as well as find equivalent fractions. We don't teach the test (because we can't see the test) but we reteach the concepts. Data helps us know where a student is. But testing takes money. You can't get away from that.
A few years ago Utah decided that every K-3 student would take the DIBELS (Dynamic Indicators of Basic Early Literacy Skills) test. We gave it to each student individually. Each grade level K-3 requires different parts of the test, skills that are taught in each grade level. For example, kindergarten tests for knowledge of letter names and sounds. That would not be appropriate for a third grader. So the tests are grade specific. Each grade level is tested individually, which means the teacher takes each individual student and listens to them only. That is time intensive. (What the rest of the class is doing is up to the teacher.)
A few years ago the test for my third graders took about 20 minutes each. They were required to read three different passages to me. Each passage was read for only one (1) minute. Then they had to retell what they read. During their reading I was marking a copy of their story with every word they read. I wrote down any misread words while watching my stop-watch. I then had to count each word they used in their retelling. this happened for the three different passages. Then I had to score each passage, find the middle score, enter it into a spreadsheet, and get the final score. As a class they also did a vocabulary test, but that was very easy to give because it could be done as a group. All the information from the DIBELS test was then entered into a spreadsheet and sent to the district office, when it was then sent to the state office. A few days later I would be given my data that showed which students reached the benchmarks set forth by the DIBELS managers (created by the University of Oregon, I believe). All well and good. So what? The information was mine to work with.
But now the DIBELS is done digitally, and my life is mine once again! I log on to my ipad, listen to each student read and record it right there. I also use the built-in recorder so I can have that proof of their errors. The information is scored immediately. The only thing I have to enter is the vocabulary scores, which only take a few minutes to do. I have immediate information of the results. Along with the results I have help with grouping students who are lacking in similar skills. I don't have to analyze any of the information any more! With a click I can see which students are missing the main ideas, which student is missing irregularly decoded words, and I can group those together for more instruction. What a time saver for me! And I have it immediately, not two weeks or two months later. It helps me be a better teacher. But this takes money!All of this take money to develop and implement. I didn't know where that funding was coming from. I still don't, for sure.
My reading taught me that the Bill Gates Foundation has been a source of funding for many Common Core projects. I guess some people don't like the idea that someone with money is helping education. I found this when I searched Bill Gates and the Common Core:
Common Core Curriculm Maps
This shows the Bill Gates is involved with the Common Core Curriculum Mapping Project, which is different than the CCSS. I'm sure there is more information about Mr. Gates helping to fund other projects involved with the CCSS. But the fact is, education takes money. If someone is will to help out, why not? (I don't think Mr. Gates is benefiting from the use of my iPad when I give my DIBELS tests.)
Education has always cost money. The state of Utah does not have the money to invest as much as is needed for each child's education. We have to get that funding from somewhere else.
I see that people are upset about companies making money because we have to purchase things for education. This isn't a new problem. It has been happening forever. Utah has always paid for testing companies, textbook companies, etc. Nothing new there. I think it is great that someone is willing to help out and fund the research, the tests, any many other things that help in educating our children. If you are concerned about where the funding is coming from, become involved with the political process. Be sure you learn where your local school board stands. Learn where your state representative and senator stand on educational issues. I am amazed at that number of people who show concern about educational funding but still continue to vote for those representatives and senators who do not support education! Become involved! Become a delegate to your county caucas. But don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Don't go to anti-Common Core State Standard websites to learn about the CCSS.
I appreciate the fact that there are people who are concerned about their child's education. That is the dream of all teachers. I encourage you to get involved. Volunteer in the classroom. Go on a field trip, listen to your child read, come in and help with learning math facts. Become a substitute teacher. There is no better way to learn what is happening in the schools, learn what is expected in the schools, than to actually stand in a teacher's shoes for a day or two.
I know that you can find good and bad about every issue with just the click of a google search button. People are quick to get on either bandwagon, and that is their right. So it is with the CCSS. You can name all the 'experts' who agree with the CCSS, or all the 'experts' who think it is terrible. You can find your advocates on either side of the issue. But what I don't like is the bullying and name calling. One article called supports of the CCSS "the kool-aide drinkers". That is very offensive and an educated person should not be that type of a bully. This is just one example of some of the name-calling that is going on. If you want to be taken seriously, refrain from name-calling.
Well, that is enough for today. I am sure some people will not agree with my view of things. I am sure some people will think I was right on. The only thing I know is that:
1) I am going to teach what the state tells me I must teach.
2) I will encourage the parents of my students to help out with their child's education.
3) I will vote in the next election.
4) I will pour my own money into my classroom.
5) I will plan and prepare lessons that are appropriate for my students.
6) I will continue to give tests in the way my district provides.
7) I will continue to learn about my students and find ways to help them learn in their own learning style.
8) And I will always go to bed late because that is the life of a school teacher!
Good night, all! (I'm not even proofreading this because I am tired. I am sure someone will let me know if something is wrong.) Just be nice, please. I don't like bullies.
(Sure hope this doesn't get me in trouble with my school district.)
First of all, I am a teacher in my local elementary school. I am in my 28th year of teacher. (Yes, I can't believe it has been so long! My how time flies!) I have a BS degree from Weber State College (Weber State University now), with a major in Elementary Education and double minors in geography and music. I also have a MEd. (Masters of Education) from SUU with a reading endorsement, and a math endorsement. I am listed as a "Highly Qualified Teacher". I have received the Crystal Apple Award from Emery Tel-Com, as well as an Arch Coal Teacher of the Year 2011. But more important than these awards, I have a love for teaching children and a desire to help them achieve their highest potential. This desire translates into my teaching, as I encourage students to do more than they believe they can. Setting high expectations encourages better outcomes. A wise person once told me, "If you shoot for the stars, you might hit the moon. If you only shoot for the moon, you probably won't get there." In other words, set your goal high. Even if you don't hit that goal, you will be farther along than if you didn't set it at all.
So what does this have to do with the Common Core. Not much! :) But I thought I would at least let you know that I am a person who values education and I know from experience what works in my classroom and what doesn't. I also know from experience that what works today might not work tomorrow. What didn't work yesterday, might work next week. Because we work with children, who are humans, there are no absolutes. We must monitor and adjust everything we do for the students we influence each year. We must adjust. And that is a lesson for life.
When I started teaching third grade, after a year in sixth grade, I received a book (folder) called "Utah State Core Curriculum." I was told to memorize the information in that book because that was what I was supposed to teach my third graders. It was arranged by subjects: Language Art, Reading, Math, Science, Social Studies, Health, Healthy Lifestyles, Arts (Music, Dance, Drama, Visual Arts)....am I leaving anything out? It was very detailed and told me exactly what I was to teach, right down to the musical instruments, artist and their pictures, exercises in PE, planning a balanced menu, favorite National Parks, etc. Each subject area was broken down into Standards and Objectives. There were also items called ILOs which are Indicated Learning Outcomes, known to teachers as Indicators. We had a list of vocabulary words each grade level student was expected to know. And students would be tested on these standards, objectives, and indicators.
But back then, students weren't tested just once a year, they were tested at least three times a year: first, middle, and end, but only in Language Arts and Math. These tests were known as "Benchmark Tests." They were given to us from the state and used for data collection for the teacher to know just how students were coming along with the standards, objectives, and indicators they needed to learn. Where the students on tract to be called "successful learners" of the curriculum? The tests back then were paper and pencil, fill-in-the-bubble sheets if you were lucky enough to teach 4-6, write-in-your-booklet for K-3. These were sent to the district, and then eventually the state, for grading. A few months later we received the data of those results and were told to teach accordingly. But by that time we were closer to the next benchmark test, which made it difficult to use the data for any informed teaching decisions. In the long run, we all seemed to do fairly well. I don't recall any complaints or problems with the situation.
Soon third graders were given another battery of tests called the "IOWA" test. This was given in the fall of the year, aimed to see if they learned what they should have learned in second grade. This IOWA test was a standard based test, a test given to everyone across the country. Imagine that! A national test, way back then! Why didn't the public cry about that? This test gave us a percentile for each student in our third grade classes---across the country. If your child earned an 85 percentile score, it meant that if you took any 100 students and lined them up according to their scores, this particular student would land in the area where 85 of the children would score LOWER than they did. Consequently, if your child scored 21 percentile, it meant that only 21 of the students scored lower than your child scored.
Of course, the questions on the test were not always applicable to our area, so some questions were always missed. My students in Utah, on a third grade level, did not all understand why the Statue of Liberty was a gift from France, so that missed that question. They didn't understand the air pollution that was pictured coming out of a manufacturing plant, so they missed the question on air pollution.
The questions were also of a nature that only a few students would be able to answer some of the math or reading questions, the students who were very gifted in those area. That way the "higher" thinking students would earn the higher percentile scores. That is just the nature of standardized tests. You have to have more difficult questions in order to see who knows more. Let me assure you, teachers don't like these tests as the only way of learning what students know. We would much rather give a criterion reference test, but when you are testing so many students across the country, you get that type of test. But the point is: It happened in the past and no one complained. Why is it such a big thing now?
Now, back to Common Core State Standards, known as CCSS. A few years ago we learned about a consortium of states getting together to create a curriculum that would help states align educational goal across the country. Because national population was becoming so mobile, and technology bringing people closer together, it was found that there were holes in education across the country. When a new student would move into a district, there was no promise that his/her education would not end up without learning some necessary skills simply because of different curriculum taught in the different school districts. I had a young girl move in from Alabama. (What a joy she was! Loved being call "Ma'am".) She struggled at first because she did not have the same background skills as our students. She was bright enough to catch on quickly, but not all students are so lucky. As teachers, we were happy to have a curriculum which would help us know that our students would be competitive with the rest of the country. We realized the value of education authorities from each state actually getting together and looking at what a good education means at each level of school. The CCSS are not a product of the national government.
The nation’s governors and education commissioners, through their representative organizations the National Governors Association (NGA) and the Council of Chief State School Officers (CCSSO) led the development of the Common Core State Standards and continue to lead the initiative. Teachers, parents, school administrators and experts from across the country together with state leaders provided input into the development of the standards. http://www.corestandards.org/resources/frequently-asked-questions
I now look at my document of the CCSS and know that my students will be learning the same things as other third graders around the country. It is my job to make sure we keep up with the rest of the world. I don't understand why some people think that isn't important. Why should we not expect students in Utah to know the same thing as students in Florida, New York, or Michigan?
From the reading I have done the past few weeks (OK, months), I think people have mixed up the CCSS with the textbooks chosen by their local district. Let me assure you, CCSS and textbooks are not synonyms! Most districts choose textbooks for math and reading. This gives a basic structure for the teacher to pull lessons for students. However, a teacher usually has many additional resources where he/she can pull more lessons. It is up to the teacher to create the lessons that will benefit the students.
In one post I read about a father who was not able to help his child with a fifth grade math equation. The father found that the student of CCSS and was being taught from a math curriculum that was beyond his own learning. Since I know quite a few different math curriculums (read that as textbook), I know some of them teach in a very different way. Our local school district bought a new textbook about 4 years ago, and it is really different in many of these same ways. But that is the direction of the textbook, not the CCSS. If you read the CCSS you will see that it never says anything about the way to work a math problem, just that a student should have several ways to solve a problem. We all solve math problems differently, so why not teach a few different ways?
We have heard comments like this for many years:
"I hate math! I don't understand it at all!"
Then, we hear the same people say,"Why are you teaching them to solve a problem that way! Why don't you teach them the way I learned?"
Well, did it work for you? Apparently the way these people were taught didn't help them learn math. Why are the same people upset because we might be trying something different? I just don't get it. If you are upset with the way your child is learning math, don't blame the CCSS. Talk with the teacher, talk with the principal, talk with the District Office, talk with your school board. They are the ones who decide the method used in the classroom.I also read an article that didn't like the word "standard" or "standardized." I don't understand that. Don't we all live by "standards"? Most organizations have "standards" to meet. Definitions of "standard" as found in Webster's New World Dictionary says:
2. something established for use as a rule or basis of comparison in measuring or judging capacity, quantity, content, extent, value, quality, etc. 4. the type, model, or example commonly or generally accepted or adhered to; criterion set for usages or practices. 5 a level of excellence, attainment, etc.
I don't see what is wrong with using a standard.
Last year we worked on implementing the Writing section of the CCSS. This past year we have worked on implementing the Math standards of the CCSS. Next year we will add the rest of the Language Arts. No testing of the CCSS will be available for us until 2014. The test is still being written by our state. It will not be a national test! And it is not being used right now. My daughter told me she was speaking with a woman who said someone took a picture of the test and sent it out into the world. (Not my daughters words, but I can't remember her exact words.) If that student was taking a test, shame on them for having a phone in there! And taking a picture of the test is totally wrong. Teachers aren't allowed to see the tests even before the tests are given. How did a student get to see the test? But, I am sure that was NOT a test for the CCSS because they are not available yet. Another point: All schools know that the state tests are given during the same time of year. This is called the Testing Window.
This year's state tests can only be given beginning
April 15 and must end on May 17.
So, if someone was taking a test, it was most likely an end of unit test, perhaps something required by the district, or something else. But it was not a test from the Utah State Office of Education.
I have acquired a great Professional Learning Community (PLC), where I interact with teacher from all areas of the country. Through them, I have learned that Utah is recognized as a leader in helping teachers address the CCSS. The UEN (Utah Education Network) is linked directly to the State Office of Education. At one time both these sites were places where you could find the CCSS. Why spend money twice when once will work? So UEN consolidated the information and keeps it updated. Here are links to the documents that we teachers use as our guidelines. I see that yesterday they were updated with new information for lessons. That is wonderful! I am looking forward to really looking through them to get more ideas and information.
When you look at the subject charts you might notice that there are two Language Arts listed. The 2011 is the CCSS, the other one was the previous core standards used in prior years. You can see the difference between the two.
Language Arts Third Grade I am listing this because I teach third grade. When you get to this site you will see there is a place where you can get a PDF file of the standards showing all K-5 standards for language arts. This is a great place to see what is actually expected of students in the different grade levels. I have it downloaded on my school computer and use it all the time. But it does not dictate HOW I teach the standards, just tells me what a student should know by the end of the year.
Mathematics 2011 Same comments for the math standards (listed as Domains.) Same instructions here. A great repository for information, lesson plans, ideas, etc. Invaluable to teachers. Click on the printable version for more information.
Utah State Office of Education This is the State website. I understand they are revamping everything, so the link might end up broken. But for now it is a good place to go for information from the state.
Hey, I told you this would probably be a long post.
But I have a lot to say.
Now, I want to say a little bit about testing and funding. No one hates tests more than teachers. We know what our students know. But the state (read PUBLIC) wants accountability, so we have to prove to them what we already know about our students. We are sometimes pleasantly surprised at what each child does. we are sometimes disappointed in how some students do. We also know that a test taken on one day can have totally different results on another day. But, again, everyone wants accountability. So we test and accept the results. As teachers, we do what we are told to do as far as testing. We really don't have a choice. Data is important for us. We use data to see if we need to re-address a certain area. When I teach about fractions, then test my students I want to know if most of the class miss the questions. If so, we will work a few more days on fractions because that is something the kids really need before they are moved on to fourth grade and need to add and subtract fractions, as well as find equivalent fractions. We don't teach the test (because we can't see the test) but we reteach the concepts. Data helps us know where a student is. But testing takes money. You can't get away from that.A few years ago Utah decided that every K-3 student would take the DIBELS (Dynamic Indicators of Basic Early Literacy Skills) test. We gave it to each student individually. Each grade level K-3 requires different parts of the test, skills that are taught in each grade level. For example, kindergarten tests for knowledge of letter names and sounds. That would not be appropriate for a third grader. So the tests are grade specific. Each grade level is tested individually, which means the teacher takes each individual student and listens to them only. That is time intensive. (What the rest of the class is doing is up to the teacher.)
A few years ago the test for my third graders took about 20 minutes each. They were required to read three different passages to me. Each passage was read for only one (1) minute. Then they had to retell what they read. During their reading I was marking a copy of their story with every word they read. I wrote down any misread words while watching my stop-watch. I then had to count each word they used in their retelling. this happened for the three different passages. Then I had to score each passage, find the middle score, enter it into a spreadsheet, and get the final score. As a class they also did a vocabulary test, but that was very easy to give because it could be done as a group. All the information from the DIBELS test was then entered into a spreadsheet and sent to the district office, when it was then sent to the state office. A few days later I would be given my data that showed which students reached the benchmarks set forth by the DIBELS managers (created by the University of Oregon, I believe). All well and good. So what? The information was mine to work with.
But now the DIBELS is done digitally, and my life is mine once again! I log on to my ipad, listen to each student read and record it right there. I also use the built-in recorder so I can have that proof of their errors. The information is scored immediately. The only thing I have to enter is the vocabulary scores, which only take a few minutes to do. I have immediate information of the results. Along with the results I have help with grouping students who are lacking in similar skills. I don't have to analyze any of the information any more! With a click I can see which students are missing the main ideas, which student is missing irregularly decoded words, and I can group those together for more instruction. What a time saver for me! And I have it immediately, not two weeks or two months later. It helps me be a better teacher. But this takes money!All of this take money to develop and implement. I didn't know where that funding was coming from. I still don't, for sure.
My reading taught me that the Bill Gates Foundation has been a source of funding for many Common Core projects. I guess some people don't like the idea that someone with money is helping education. I found this when I searched Bill Gates and the Common Core:
Common Core Curriculm Maps
What is the
relationship between Common Core and the Common Core State Standards (CCSS)?Despite the coincidence of name, Common
Core and the Common Core State Standards are not affiliated. Common Core was
established in 2007, prior to the start of the Common Core State Standards
Initiative, which was led by the National Governors Association and the Council
for Chief State School Officers.
How is the Common
Core Curriculum Mapping Project funded?The development of Common Core’s ELA
Maps was initially funded by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.
Currently, membership fees are the key source of support for maintaining the
the Maps and for creating new Maps-related tools and services
This shows the Bill Gates is involved with the Common Core Curriculum Mapping Project, which is different than the CCSS. I'm sure there is more information about Mr. Gates helping to fund other projects involved with the CCSS. But the fact is, education takes money. If someone is will to help out, why not? (I don't think Mr. Gates is benefiting from the use of my iPad when I give my DIBELS tests.)
Education has always cost money. The state of Utah does not have the money to invest as much as is needed for each child's education. We have to get that funding from somewhere else.
I see that people are upset about companies making money because we have to purchase things for education. This isn't a new problem. It has been happening forever. Utah has always paid for testing companies, textbook companies, etc. Nothing new there. I think it is great that someone is willing to help out and fund the research, the tests, any many other things that help in educating our children. If you are concerned about where the funding is coming from, become involved with the political process. Be sure you learn where your local school board stands. Learn where your state representative and senator stand on educational issues. I am amazed at that number of people who show concern about educational funding but still continue to vote for those representatives and senators who do not support education! Become involved! Become a delegate to your county caucas. But don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Don't go to anti-Common Core State Standard websites to learn about the CCSS.
I appreciate the fact that there are people who are concerned about their child's education. That is the dream of all teachers. I encourage you to get involved. Volunteer in the classroom. Go on a field trip, listen to your child read, come in and help with learning math facts. Become a substitute teacher. There is no better way to learn what is happening in the schools, learn what is expected in the schools, than to actually stand in a teacher's shoes for a day or two.
I know that you can find good and bad about every issue with just the click of a google search button. People are quick to get on either bandwagon, and that is their right. So it is with the CCSS. You can name all the 'experts' who agree with the CCSS, or all the 'experts' who think it is terrible. You can find your advocates on either side of the issue. But what I don't like is the bullying and name calling. One article called supports of the CCSS "the kool-aide drinkers". That is very offensive and an educated person should not be that type of a bully. This is just one example of some of the name-calling that is going on. If you want to be taken seriously, refrain from name-calling.
Well, that is enough for today. I am sure some people will not agree with my view of things. I am sure some people will think I was right on. The only thing I know is that:
1) I am going to teach what the state tells me I must teach.
2) I will encourage the parents of my students to help out with their child's education.
3) I will vote in the next election.
4) I will pour my own money into my classroom.
5) I will plan and prepare lessons that are appropriate for my students.
6) I will continue to give tests in the way my district provides.
7) I will continue to learn about my students and find ways to help them learn in their own learning style.
8) And I will always go to bed late because that is the life of a school teacher!
Good night, all! (I'm not even proofreading this because I am tired. I am sure someone will let me know if something is wrong.) Just be nice, please. I don't like bullies.
(Sure hope this doesn't get me in trouble with my school district.)
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Another Week
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| Happy St. Patrick's Day! The End of the Rainbow.....Potters Pond |
We had Stake Conference today. I really enjoy listening to President Sharp any time he speaks to us. He talked last night, and again at the end of this morning session. Last night he spoke about abuse and how we do have a problem right here in our stake with people being abused in various ways, and people abusing in various ways. He was stressing more the physical, verbal, emotional, and spiritual abuse, not so much the drug abuse. Some of his remarks really made me think. He talked about how the person receiving abuse is sometimes told they are 'making' the abuser abuse them, which is so far from the truth. The abused have nothing to do with the choice of the abuser. The abuser is in total control of his/her own actions. That is why the abuse is usually committed in private. The abuser chooses to abuse in a private setting, not where people can witness. This makes it a conscious act, and they know what they are doing. They can just as well choose not to abuse. Another thing he stressed is that sometimes the best love for the abuser is to help them get out of the situation where they can continue to abuse. That means, love them enough to get out of the situation where they can continue to abuse you, or your loved ones. If you really love them, help them stop abusing by not allowing them to be where they can continue their abuse. That might mean getting away from them so they can no longer abuse. He also stressed that the abused person will not feel better until they accept the atonement in their life, accept that the Lord is there for them, and doesn't hold them responsible for the abuser's actions. And that forgiveness does not mean "forgetting" the abuse happened. My notes didn't do justice to the spirit we felt in the meeting. I just love President Sharp and am so glad he is a personal friend.
So......for my personal journey of weight loss. I didn't have a good 'eating' week this week. Usually felt I was eating more than I needed to be, or should be eating. I wasn't expecting much of a positive change on the scales at all. However, I did improve with my walking. I walked more than 0.6 miles on Friday. (I think it was 0.62, but not exactly sure.) It was on a 'rolling hills' setting, so the elevation went up and down. I didn't have it on a very high elevation, but I could tell it was a change. It helped me to put in my weight (I don't like to see it at all!) because then the calories burned is SOOOOO much higher! That is one of the good things about putting in the weight. More weight means more to carry along, which means more calories burned! It all works out, don't you think? One day at school we had a birthday party to celebrate in the faculty room, and I was really good and didn't eat anything. Well, it really wasn't difficult because it was ice cream, which I don't really enjoy too much. But the chocolate brownies sure did look good. But I was a good girl. However, the crackers here at home kept calling me late at night. Then, the other day I received a package of Macadamia nuts in the mail. That sure did me in! But did you know that you can eat a whole 1/4 cup and only count 1 point? Or was it 2? At any rate, it wasn't many, and since I hadn't eaten all my points for a few days, I was able to eat quite a few. (I wonder if I have any left in my desk for next week!) So with all that eating, I wasn't expecting anything great when I got on the scales on Saturday morning.
Saturday morning came. I got ready to weight, expecting to be back up a few pounds. I sure was surprised when it was about the same as before. I stepped off the scales and then got back on, thinking it must not have registered well, like maybe I was not stepping on it enough, maybe my foot was off-centered or something. When I got back on the weight flashed up and down and finally settled......on a weight loss of 3.7 pounds! By now I am sure the scale is wrong, so I go ahead and get into the shower, thinking with the water on my body and hair I will try it again. Which I do. And again, just what was recorded the last time. I tried it again this morning and still at the same weight! So I guess it was better than I thought. The clue for me is the walking.....of course after watching my food intake. Last night I wore the dress I wore to conference was one I didn't wear at all last year. I tried one a part of ....what do you call those pants that are mid-length? Not 'shorts' but just below the knees? Anyway, I never felt comfortable in them last year because they pulled across my middle, but they are lose on me right now! I'm not in the one pair of pants that were too small yet, but almost! So I guess all this walking is doing me some good. Still can't see it much myself, and not hearing much from other people, but Garth says he can tell it. Maybe when I am not wearing the same clothes people will be able to see the difference.
So total loss depends on when I start counting. I went to the doctor's at the end of December, and a few weeks later, when I had gained 3 pounds. I didn't start the on-line program until after Garth's knee surgery. That was a few weeks later. Between the doctor's appointment when they said I had an enlarged heart, and when I started the on-line program I had lost 12 pounds. So total from that last appointment it is now 35.8 pounds. Not bad in my judgement. But it is truly the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I am not a walker. I still can't walk without holding on to something. Don't ask me to walk around the block, I just can't do it. I hold on to the handles of the treadmill. I lift a few weights....I mean I do the weights with the machines at Pro-Rehab. I do the total gym squats and lift my own weight by standing up and squatting down. (I'm not sure what it is all called.) It helps to have Garth there to encourage me. I don't mind walking that way. But walking alone......with nothing to hold to....NO WAY! I can't walk on the playground the way I can walk on the treadmill. The eating isn't so bad. Garth is a great cook and we are eating lots of salmon and pork chops, etc. As long as I have grapes or bananas or something like that at school to snack on after school I'm ok. And I just go to bed when I get the urge to snack at night. I still think I am losing a lot of fluid from my legs. We aren't doing the massaging as much as we should, because it takes so long. But I know it will have an affect on it all. (Or is it effect?) Anyway, it is coming along.
Reading while I am walking also helps me. I finished the first book I was reading, and am now reading about a doctor (neurosurgeon) who contacted a deadly form of E. Coli and was in a coma for a week, during which time he visited the spirit world and learned so much that he wants to share it with others. He is not a member of our church, but his insights are so close to what we believe. It is really an interesting read.......
So that is the weekly review. This week I have report cards coming out. Parent/Teacher conferences on Thursday afternoon/evening. A district training on DIBELS math assessment for 3 days at the district office! (Tuesday afternoon, Wednesday morning, Thursday afternoon.) Along with piano lessons on Tuesday and Friday (because of conferences it is moved to Friday.) Should go to the Relief Society Birthday Party on Wednesday but probably won't get there because of everything else happening. And on Saturday I should go to the organ workshop given by Seth Bott and BYU organ department here at our church building. If I make it, I do, if I don't I still know how to play the organ. But that is another post!
Sorry to bore any of my 2 readers. But this is my life.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Weird Things
The other morning I woke up with very strange thoughts. I had a very bad dream and I was not happy. Scared, in fact. I have this big fear of water. Not water in a cup, or water in the sink. Big water. Like a big lake....very big lake. Or falling off the side of the road into a very big lake. I get nervous driving past the east side of Joe's Valley, looking over the edge of the road to the water below. I fear being in the water and the car sinking. I can stand sitting by the edge of the lake going fishing, but I would rather not be in a boat out on the lake. So I was terrified when I woke from my dream. In my dream I was treading water in a large ocean. Yes....ocean. I looked around and saw no one else any where in sight. It was just me....treading water. I wasn't in a panic in my dream. I knew I was in the water and that no one was around. I also knew that I could not reach the bottom, like I would have tried to do in a swimming pool. I turned myself around and around, looking for someone or something. I knew the shore was about 12 miles off in the distance, but also knew that I didn't know which direction to go. I figured someone would be coming for me, but also knew that it would be next to impossible for them to find me in that vast ocean. I saw a pod of dolphins swimming near me. The water bubbled and bubbled where they were swimming. I could see them swimming around and around. I wasn't scared, just glad they didn't come any closer. And then I woke up.
What does that dream mean? I hope I never find out.
Today I woke up, stood up, and started walking toward the bathroom, which is what I usually do each morning. I took a few steps and realized that I was actually able to walk with almost a regular gait! It was wonderful! I had a little bit of pain in my left hip, but my feet actually moved on their own, without me willing them to move. I haven't been able to walk like that for years. It felt so good. I can't say it has stayed there all day long. After sitting in church it was still difficult to get these legs moving, but this morning gave me a little bit of hope.
I have been keeping up on logging in my food each day. I have only gone over my daily points once or twice during the past two weeks, and have never used more than 3 points in my weekly extra points. Yesterday, after recording a 2.9 loss for the week, we rewarded ourselves with a small pizza. OK, I ate my share, but it was still only 2 points over my daily limit. When you don't eat breakfast until 10:00 and it is easy to only eat two meals a day!
I am also improving in my walking. When I started the middle of January I was only able to walk at a speed of about 0.8 MPH, which is really a crawl. But my legs were in such pain that I couldn't do much more than that. And only for about 5 minutes the first day. I was finally able to work up to the full 20 minutes, but walked very slowly, only about 1.2 MPH. Then I did the rib thing and had to slow down for a week or so. Now I am back to trying to work up the speed. I learned that taking my iPad and reading a book while walking seems to help me. It is pretty boring looking out the window at the corner of Ace Hardware (nothing against the store, just not much eye-candy there!) or watching the cars drive up to park in front of the State Liquor store. (Interesting what a drinking problem we have in this county.) Reading a book takes my mind off the outside world and I can just put the "up" button and start to gradually walk a bit faster each day. So on Friday I walked the entire 20 minutes (have done so for several weeks), and got up to a 1.5 speed. The grand total distance was 0.49 miles... Now, don't laugh at that! That is BIG in my eyes! I am aiming for that 0.50 mark on Monday! Considering that a month ago I was only about 0.15 miles in 20 minutes, I think that is pretty good. And if it helps me, that is even better. I don't think I am up to running a race yet, but I might be able to walk up the hallway at school a little bit quicker than I did last year. And if you were carrying the weight I have been carrying, you might be able to walk that far either! So don't make fun of me. I need all the support I can get.......
I am so thankful for my wonderful husband. He is really my greatest supporter. He goes with me every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. He is still recovering from his back surgery, which has been very difficult for him. Between his back surgery and his knee surgery he has had a very rough year. You might think, "OK, you are all better." But it doesn't work that way. He can't lift things, can't bend as he would like, his legs still ache from the sciatic nerve, he can sit for about an hour, then needs to rest his back by lying down flat for a while. It is a constant up and down thing for him. He has had to learn patience, that he can't do the things he wants to do to keep busy. He has had to learn a new way of life. He has done hard work all of his life and it is very difficult for him to slow down, but he doesn't have a choice. His back is worn out from all the years of twisting, lifting, bending, climbing, crawling, and everything he had to do for his jobs. But in his pain, he supports me. And I love him so much for that. I think he is the greatest! He tries so hard to make my life comfortable. He brings me lunch each day so we can have time together. He helps me at night. He goes to the gym with me, walking beside me if both treadmills are available. He is the greatest, and I am so glad he is there for me. I hope I can support him as much as he has supported me. Love you, dear!
What does that dream mean? I hope I never find out.
Today I woke up, stood up, and started walking toward the bathroom, which is what I usually do each morning. I took a few steps and realized that I was actually able to walk with almost a regular gait! It was wonderful! I had a little bit of pain in my left hip, but my feet actually moved on their own, without me willing them to move. I haven't been able to walk like that for years. It felt so good. I can't say it has stayed there all day long. After sitting in church it was still difficult to get these legs moving, but this morning gave me a little bit of hope.
I have been keeping up on logging in my food each day. I have only gone over my daily points once or twice during the past two weeks, and have never used more than 3 points in my weekly extra points. Yesterday, after recording a 2.9 loss for the week, we rewarded ourselves with a small pizza. OK, I ate my share, but it was still only 2 points over my daily limit. When you don't eat breakfast until 10:00 and it is easy to only eat two meals a day!
I am also improving in my walking. When I started the middle of January I was only able to walk at a speed of about 0.8 MPH, which is really a crawl. But my legs were in such pain that I couldn't do much more than that. And only for about 5 minutes the first day. I was finally able to work up to the full 20 minutes, but walked very slowly, only about 1.2 MPH. Then I did the rib thing and had to slow down for a week or so. Now I am back to trying to work up the speed. I learned that taking my iPad and reading a book while walking seems to help me. It is pretty boring looking out the window at the corner of Ace Hardware (nothing against the store, just not much eye-candy there!) or watching the cars drive up to park in front of the State Liquor store. (Interesting what a drinking problem we have in this county.) Reading a book takes my mind off the outside world and I can just put the "up" button and start to gradually walk a bit faster each day. So on Friday I walked the entire 20 minutes (have done so for several weeks), and got up to a 1.5 speed. The grand total distance was 0.49 miles... Now, don't laugh at that! That is BIG in my eyes! I am aiming for that 0.50 mark on Monday! Considering that a month ago I was only about 0.15 miles in 20 minutes, I think that is pretty good. And if it helps me, that is even better. I don't think I am up to running a race yet, but I might be able to walk up the hallway at school a little bit quicker than I did last year. And if you were carrying the weight I have been carrying, you might be able to walk that far either! So don't make fun of me. I need all the support I can get.......
I am so thankful for my wonderful husband. He is really my greatest supporter. He goes with me every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. He is still recovering from his back surgery, which has been very difficult for him. Between his back surgery and his knee surgery he has had a very rough year. You might think, "OK, you are all better." But it doesn't work that way. He can't lift things, can't bend as he would like, his legs still ache from the sciatic nerve, he can sit for about an hour, then needs to rest his back by lying down flat for a while. It is a constant up and down thing for him. He has had to learn patience, that he can't do the things he wants to do to keep busy. He has had to learn a new way of life. He has done hard work all of his life and it is very difficult for him to slow down, but he doesn't have a choice. His back is worn out from all the years of twisting, lifting, bending, climbing, crawling, and everything he had to do for his jobs. But in his pain, he supports me. And I love him so much for that. I think he is the greatest! He tries so hard to make my life comfortable. He brings me lunch each day so we can have time together. He helps me at night. He goes to the gym with me, walking beside me if both treadmills are available. He is the greatest, and I am so glad he is there for me. I hope I can support him as much as he has supported me. Love you, dear!