Compassion

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the word "Compassion."  Does it always mean to give a meal to someone?  To give a shoulder to cry on? Does it mean that someone is sad and someone listens to them?  Does it mean to be sad along with someone?  I looked up the word in an on-line dictionary (Are there many off-line dictionaries being used any more?) and found this definition:

Compassion is an emotion that is a sense of shared suffering, most often combined with a desire to alleviate or reduce the suffering of another; to show special kindness to those who suffer. Compassion essentially arises through empathy, and is often characterized through actions, wherein a person acting with compassion will seek to aid those they feel compassionate for.

Compassionate acts are generally considered those which take into account the suffering of others and attempt to alleviate that suffering as if it were one’s own. In this sense, the various forms of the Golden Rule are clearly based on the concept of compassion.Compassion differs from other forms of helpful or humane behavior in that its focus is primarily on the alleviation of suffering.

OK. I can go along with that, especially the last sentence: its focus is primarily on the alleviation of suffering.


Why is compassion such a difficult trait for some people to show? We learn from our church leaders that compassion is a sign of strength. So why are we so quick to judge someone who is in a poor situation, instead of showing compassion for them? Why do we just to "It was their own choice that got them here!" instead of feeling compassion and the desire to help them out of their suffering. And I don't mean to literally help them out of their suffering by handing over money to purchase food, or pay rent, or buy new clothes, or whatever might be helpful at the time. But many times all a person needs is to know that someone cares and is willing to listen.


An other factor of compassion would be when someone delays making a decision, or doesn't want things known to another person because of the ridicule they feel would come to them from someone that should love and care for them. As a Latter-Day Saint, is it so easy to be the person others think might ridicule them? It might happen more than we think. It is easy to think that our actions don't hurt others when, if we take a step back and place ourselves in the shoes of others, we might see that,yeah, maybe we are being a big harsh, and we need to alleviate the suffering, instead of defending our own feelings. After all, it isn't a sign of weakness.

I am still not sure that compassion must always be when someone is suffering. Remember when the scriptures told us to "mourn with those who mourn, and comfort those that need comfort"? Lately I have come to feel that we must show compassion for those who are happy as well. Why not rejoice when someone rejoices? Maybe I am missing a word here that I should remember, but when something good happens to someone else, shouldn't we be happy with them? Is "empathy" the right word for that, or does empathy mean to understand how someone feels when they are down or sad?


I have witnessed several times the last few weeks when someone has experienced something good, good in their own eyes. A blessing has happened in their lives, a goal reached, or a milestone approached. But there are some people who just can't rejoice with them. Instead, they secretly question or show a great lack of caring for the person. I don't understand this. Why not be happy for them?

I remember my dad telling of "a certain man lived in town" (Dad always taught in parables.) This man was able to purchase a new vehicle but most of his friends taunted him, ridiculed his choice of models, teased his ability to pay for it, etc. Dad learned a lesson at that time to just tell the man that he admired his ability to get this new vehicle. He rejoiced with him, let him talk about his new purchase. It didn't take anything away from Dad's life, but made the man happy for a few minutes. The man also left with more respect for Dad because he showed compassion to him.

In the scripture story about Joseph and his brothers, remember that Joseph had all the reasons in the world to feel bitter toward his brothers. They sold him away! They hated him! They lied about him! They wanted him gone. But when Joseph saw their condition, and knew he could help them, he showed compassion. He didn't wait for them to say they were sorry, and to beg his forgiveness. Joseph did what he knew he should do. He knew that God had placed him in a position to help his brothers. And he did what needed to be done.

I don't believe the Lord expects us to give of our stored food and all of our worldly gains in order to show compassion. But a simple kind word, an acknowledgment of a blessing, an invitation to associate with us goes a long way to showing compassion to others. Joseph did this by inviting his brothers to live near him, and he would nourish them. He didn't banish them to outer darkness. He didn't say "Only my father can come with me because he didn't sale me away." He looked at compassion on the suffering of his brothers and knew he was responsible for showing kindness to them.

If we are to liken the scriptures unto ourselves, should we show compassion for others by joining in with their joy? And letting them know we feel their happiness? Or should we ridicule others and cause them to feel ashamed because of our own high stature? Or should we look at those who may be caused us pain and invite them into our celebrations anyway, because that is what we should do? Or should we look at their situation and say "It is because of what they did?"

I having been thinking a lot about the trait of Compassion lately. I also found this to think about:

Why develop compassion in your life? Well, there are scientific studies that suggest there are physical benefits to practicing compassion — people who practice it produce 100 percent more DHEA, which is a hormone that counteracts the aging process, and 23 percent less cortisol — the “stress hormone.”

I don't know about you, but I need less stress in my life. However, I know that some people will think that by showing compassion and forgiveness more stress is caused in their lives. But the Lord has promised us peace when we are kind to others.

But there are other benefits as well, and these are emotional and spiritual. The main benefit is that it helps you to be more happy, and brings others around you to be more happy. If we agree that it is a common aim of each of us to strive to be happy, then compassion is one of the main tools for achieving that happiness. It is therefore of utmost importance that we cultivate compassion in our lives and practice compassion every day.

This article is great for teaching us how to develop compassion. It is a skill that needs to be practiced. Perhaps you might want to read it as well. Here is another article that I have been reading. Just some food for thought. But good food.

The best examples of compassion come from our Savior, Jesus Christ. The scriptures are filled with stories of the compassion He has for others. If we truly wish to become more Christlike in our actions, we might want to work on showing compassion to others. I know that is something I am going to be studying and working on this summer. I will be looking up scriptures that teach compassion and writing them in my scripture journal. That is one of my study goals.

What are your study plans?

Much Ado About........

Recently, two of my daughters have been in conversations with people concerning the "Common Core State Standards" which are being implemented in our state schools.  These conversations have led them both to be concerned about what, exactly, is being pushed in our schools.  I have tried to add to my own research about this subject and want to write a little (no, probably a lot) about what I am finding and what I believe.

First of all, I am a teacher in my local elementary school.  I am in my 28th year of teacher.  (Yes, I can't believe it has been so long! My how time flies!)  I have a BS degree from Weber State College (Weber State University now), with a major in Elementary Education and double minors in geography and music.  I also have a MEd. (Masters of Education) from SUU with a reading endorsement, and a math endorsement.  I am listed as a "Highly Qualified Teacher".  I have received the Crystal Apple Award from  Emery Tel-Com, as well as an Arch Coal Teacher of the Year 2011.  But more important than these awards, I have a love for teaching children and a desire to help them achieve their highest potential.  This desire translates into my teaching, as I encourage students to do more than they believe they can.  Setting high expectations encourages better outcomes.  A wise person once told me, "If you shoot for the stars, you might hit the moon.  If you only shoot for the moon, you probably won't get there."  In other words, set your goal high.  Even if you don't hit that goal, you will be farther along than if you didn't set it at all.

So what does this have to do with the Common Core.  Not much! :)  But I thought I would at least let you know that I am a person who values education and I know from experience what works in my classroom and what doesn't.  I also know from experience that what works today might not work tomorrow.  What didn't work yesterday, might work next week.  Because we work with children, who are humans, there are no absolutes.  We must monitor and adjust everything we do for the students we influence each year.  We must adjust.  And that is a lesson for life.

When I started teaching third grade, after a year in sixth grade, I received a book (folder) called "Utah State Core Curriculum."  I was told to memorize the information in that book because that was what I was supposed to teach my third graders.  It was arranged by subjects: Language Art, Reading, Math, Science, Social Studies, Health, Healthy Lifestyles, Arts (Music, Dance, Drama, Visual Arts)....am I leaving anything out?  It was very detailed and told me exactly what I was to teach, right down to the musical instruments, artist and their pictures, exercises in PE, planning a balanced menu, favorite National Parks, etc.  Each subject area was broken down into Standards and Objectives.  There were also items called ILOs which are Indicated Learning Outcomes, known to teachers as Indicators.  We had a list of vocabulary words each grade level student was expected to know.  And students would be tested on these standards, objectives, and indicators.

But back then, students weren't tested just once a year, they were tested at least three times a year: first, middle, and end, but only in Language Arts and Math. These tests were known as "Benchmark Tests."  They were given to us from the state and used for data collection for the teacher to know just how students were coming along with the standards, objectives, and indicators they needed to learn.  Where the students on tract to be called "successful learners" of the curriculum?  The tests back then were paper and pencil, fill-in-the-bubble sheets if you were lucky enough to teach 4-6, write-in-your-booklet for K-3.  These were sent to the district, and then eventually the state, for grading.  A few months later we received the data of those results and were told to teach accordingly.  But by that time we were closer to the next benchmark test, which made it difficult to use the data for any informed teaching decisions.  In the long run, we all seemed to do fairly well.  I don't recall any complaints or problems with the situation.

Soon third graders were given another battery of tests called the "IOWA" test.  This was given in the fall of the year, aimed to see if they learned what they should have learned in second grade.  This IOWA test was a standard based test, a test given to everyone across the country.  Imagine that!  A national test, way back then!  Why didn't the public cry about that?  This test gave us a percentile for each student in our third grade classes---across the country.  If your child earned an 85 percentile score, it meant that if you took any 100 students and lined them up according to their scores, this particular student would land in the area where 85 of the children would score LOWER than they did.  Consequently, if your child scored 21 percentile, it meant that only 21 of the students scored lower than your child scored.

Of course, the questions on the test were not always applicable to our area, so some questions were always missed.  My students in Utah, on a third grade level, did not all understand why the Statue of Liberty was a gift from France, so that missed that question. They didn't understand the air pollution that was pictured coming out of a manufacturing plant, so they missed the question on air pollution.

The questions were also of a nature that only a few students would be able to answer some of the math or reading questions, the students who were very gifted in those area.   That way the "higher" thinking students would earn the higher percentile scores.  That is just the nature of standardized tests.  You have to have more difficult questions in order to see who knows more.  Let me assure you, teachers don't like these tests as the only way of learning what students know.  We would much rather give a criterion reference test, but when you are testing so many students across the country, you get that type of test.  But the point is:  It happened in the past and no one complained.  Why is it such a big thing now?

Now, back to Common Core State Standards, known as CCSS.  A few years ago we learned about a consortium of states getting together to create a curriculum that would help states align educational goal across the country.  Because national population was becoming so mobile, and technology bringing people closer together, it was found that there were holes in education across the country.  When a new student would move into a district, there was no promise that his/her education would not end up without learning some necessary skills simply because of different curriculum taught in the different school districts.  I had a young girl move in from Alabama.  (What a joy she was! Loved being call "Ma'am".) She struggled at first because she did not have the same background skills as our students. She was bright enough to catch on quickly, but not all students are so lucky.  As teachers, we were happy to have a curriculum which would help us know that our students would be competitive with the rest of the country.  We realized the value of education authorities from each state actually getting together and looking at what a good education means at each level of school.  The CCSS are not a product of the national government.

The nation’s governors and education commissioners, through their representative organizations the National Governors Association (NGA) and the Council of Chief State School Officers (CCSSO) led the development of the Common Core State Standards and continue to lead the initiative. Teachers, parents, school administrators and experts from across the country together with state leaders provided input into the development of the standards.  http://www.corestandards.org/resources/frequently-asked-questions


I now look at my document of the CCSS and know that my students will be learning the same things as other third graders around the country.  It is my job to make sure we keep up with the rest of the world.  I don't understand why some people think that isn't important.  Why should we not expect students in Utah to know the same thing as students in Florida, New York, or Michigan?

From the reading I have done the past few weeks (OK, months), I think people have mixed up the CCSS with the textbooks chosen by their local district.  Let me assure you, CCSS and textbooks are not synonyms!  Most districts choose textbooks for math and reading.  This gives a basic structure for the teacher to pull lessons for students.  However, a teacher usually has many additional resources where he/she can pull more lessons.  It is up to the teacher to create the lessons that will benefit the students.

In one post I read about a father who was not able to help his child with a fifth grade math equation.  The father found that the student of CCSS and was being taught from a math curriculum that was beyond his own learning.  Since I know quite a few different math curriculums (read that as textbook), I know some of them teach in a very different way.  Our local school district bought a new textbook about 4 years ago, and it is really different in many of these same ways.  But that is the direction of the textbook, not the CCSS.  If you read the CCSS you will see that it never says anything about the way to work a math problem, just that a student should have several ways to solve a problem.  We all solve math problems differently, so why not teach a few different ways?

We have heard comments like this for many years:  

"I hate math! I don't understand it at all!"  

Then, we hear the same people say,

"Why are you teaching them to solve a problem that way!  Why don't you teach them the way I learned?" 

 Well, did it work for you?  Apparently the way these people were taught didn't help them learn math.  Why are the same people upset because we might be trying something different?  I just don't get it.  If you are upset with the way your child is learning math, don't blame the CCSS.  Talk with the teacher, talk with the principal, talk with the District Office, talk with your school board.  They are the ones who decide the method used in the classroom.  

I also read an article that didn't like the word "standard" or "standardized."  I don't understand that.  Don't we all live by "standards"?  Most organizations have "standards" to meet.  Definitions of "standard" as found in Webster's New World Dictionary says:

 2.  something established for use as a rule or basis of comparison in measuring or judging capacity, quantity, content, extent, value, quality, etc.   4.  the type, model, or example commonly or generally accepted or adhered to; criterion set for usages or practices.  5  a level of excellence, attainment, etc. 

I don't see what is wrong with using a standard.

Last year we worked on implementing the Writing section of the CCSS.  This past year we have worked on implementing the Math standards of the CCSS.  Next year we will add the rest of the Language Arts.  No testing of the CCSS will be available for us until 2014.  The test is still being written by our state. It will not be a national test!  And it is not being used right now.  My daughter told me she was speaking with a woman who said someone took a picture of the test and sent it out into the world.  (Not my daughters words, but I can't remember her exact words.)  If that student was taking a test, shame on them for having a phone in there!  And taking a picture of the test is totally wrong.  Teachers aren't allowed to see the tests even before the tests are given.  How did a student get to see the test?   But, I am sure that was NOT a test for the CCSS because they are not available yet.  Another point:  All schools know that the state tests are given during the same time of year.  This is called the Testing Window.  

This year's state tests can only be given beginning 

April 15 and must end on May 17.

So, if someone was taking a test, it was most likely an end of unit test, perhaps something required by the district, or something else.  But it was not a test from the Utah State Office of Education.

I have acquired a great Professional Learning Community (PLC), where I interact with teacher from all areas of the country.  Through them, I have learned that Utah is recognized as a leader in helping teachers address the CCSS.   The UEN (Utah Education Network) is linked directly to the State Office of Education.  At one time both these sites were places where you could find the CCSS.  Why spend money twice when once will work?  So UEN consolidated the information and keeps it updated. Here are links to the documents that we teachers use as our guidelines.  I see that yesterday they were updated with new information for lessons. That is wonderful!  I am looking forward to really looking through them to get more ideas and information.  

Utah State Core  Be sure to click on the "Additional Resources" listed above the subjects.  (This will take you to a place where you can find more about the Common Core State Standards.  Lots of information here.)
When you look at the subject charts you might notice that there are two Language Arts listed.  The 2011 is the CCSS, the other one was the previous core standards used in prior years.  You can see the difference between the two.
Language Arts Third Grade  I am listing this because I teach third grade.  When you get to this site you will see there is a place where you can get a PDF file of the standards showing all K-5 standards for language arts.  This is a great place to see what is actually expected of students in the different grade levels.  I have it downloaded on my school computer and use it all the time.  But it does not dictate HOW I teach the standards, just tells me what a student should know by the end of the year.
Mathematics 2011  Same comments for the math standards (listed as Domains.)   Same instructions here.  A great repository for information, lesson plans, ideas, etc.  Invaluable to teachers.  Click on the printable version for more information.
Utah State Office of Education  This is the State website.  I understand they are revamping everything, so the link might end up broken.  But for now it is a good place to go for information from the state.

Hey, I told you this would probably be a long post. 

But I have a lot to say.

Now, I want to say a little bit about testing and funding. No one hates tests more than teachers.  We know what our students know.  But the state (read PUBLIC) wants accountability, so we have to prove to them what we already know about our students.  We are sometimes pleasantly surprised at what each child does. we are sometimes disappointed in how some students do.  We also know that a test taken on one day can have totally different results on another day.  But, again, everyone wants accountability.  So we test and accept the results.  As teachers, we do what we are told to do as far as testing.  We really don't have a choice.  Data is important for us.  We use data to see if we need to re-address a certain area. When I teach about fractions, then test my students I want to know if most of the class miss the questions.  If so, we will work a few more days on fractions because that is something the kids really need before they are moved on to fourth grade and need to add and subtract fractions, as well as find equivalent fractions.  We don't teach the test (because we can't see the test) but we reteach the concepts.  Data helps us know where a student is.  But testing takes money.  You can't get away from that.

A few years ago Utah decided that every K-3 student would take the DIBELS (Dynamic Indicators of Basic  Early Literacy Skills) test.  We gave it to each student individually. Each grade level K-3 requires different parts of the test, skills that are taught in each grade level. For example, kindergarten tests for knowledge of letter names and sounds.  That would not be appropriate for a third grader.  So the tests are grade specific.  Each grade level is tested individually, which means the teacher takes each individual student and listens to them only.  That is time intensive.  (What the rest of the class is doing is up to the teacher.)

A few years ago the test for my third graders took about 20 minutes each.  They were required to read three different passages to me.  Each passage was read for only one (1) minute.  Then they had to retell what they read.  During their reading I was marking a copy of their story with every word they read.  I wrote down any misread words while watching my stop-watch.  I then had to count each word they used in their retelling.  this happened for the three different passages.  Then I had to score each passage, find the middle score, enter it into a spreadsheet, and get the final score.  As a class they also did a vocabulary test, but that was very easy to give because it could be done as a group.  All the information from the DIBELS test was then entered into a spreadsheet and sent to the district office, when it was then sent to the state office.  A few days later I would be given my data that showed which students reached the benchmarks set forth by the DIBELS managers (created by the University of Oregon, I believe).  All well and good.  So what?  The information was mine to work with.

But now the DIBELS is done digitally, and my life is mine once again!  I log on to my ipad, listen to each student read and record it right there.  I also use the built-in recorder so I can have that proof of their errors. The information is scored immediately.  The only thing I have to enter is the vocabulary scores, which only take a few minutes to do.  I have immediate information of the results.  Along with the results I have help with grouping students who are lacking in similar skills.  I don't have to analyze any of the information any more!  With a click I can see which students are missing the main ideas, which student is missing irregularly decoded words, and I can group those together for more instruction.  What a time saver for me!  And I have it immediately, not two weeks or two months later.  It helps me be a better teacher.  But this takes money!All of this take money to develop and implement.  I didn't know where that funding was coming from.  I still don't, for sure.

My reading taught me that the Bill Gates Foundation has been a source of funding for many Common Core projects.  I guess some people don't like the idea that someone with money is helping education.  I found this when I searched Bill Gates and the Common Core:

Common Core Curriculm Maps

What is the relationship between Common Core and the Common Core State Standards (CCSS)?Despite the coincidence of name, Common Core and the Common Core State Standards are not affiliated. Common Core was established in 2007, prior to the start of the Common Core State Standards Initiative, which was led by the National Governors Association and the Council for Chief State School Officers.

How is the Common Core Curriculum Mapping Project funded?The development of Common Core’s ELA Maps was initially funded by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. Currently, membership fees are the key source of support for maintaining the the Maps and for creating new Maps-related tools and services

This shows the Bill Gates is involved with the Common Core Curriculum Mapping Project, which is different than the CCSS.  I'm sure there is more information about Mr. Gates helping to fund other projects involved with the CCSS.  But the fact is, education takes money.  If someone is will to help out, why not?  (I don't think Mr. Gates is benefiting from the use of my iPad when I give my DIBELS tests.)  

Education has always cost money.  The state of Utah does not have the money to invest as much as is needed for each child's education.  We have to get that funding from somewhere else.  

I see that people are upset about companies making money because we have to purchase things for education.  This isn't a new problem.  It has been happening forever.  Utah has always paid for testing companies, textbook companies, etc.  Nothing new there.  I think it is great that someone is willing to help out and fund the research, the tests, any many other things that help in educating our children.  If you are concerned about where the funding is coming from, become involved with the political process.  Be sure you learn where your local school board stands.  Learn where your state representative and senator stand on educational issues.  I am amazed at that number of people who show concern about educational funding but still continue to vote for those representatives and senators who do not support education!  Become involved!  Become a delegate to your county caucas. But don't throw the baby out with the bath water.  Don't go to anti-Common Core State Standard websites to learn about the CCSS.  

I appreciate the fact that there are people who are concerned about their child's education.  That is the dream of all teachers.  I encourage you to get involved.  Volunteer in the classroom.  Go on a field trip, listen to your child read, come in and help with learning math facts.  Become a substitute teacher.  There is no better way to learn what is happening in the schools, learn what is expected in the schools, than to actually stand in a teacher's shoes for a day or two.

I know that you can find good and bad about every issue with just the click of a google search button.  People are quick to get on either bandwagon, and that is their right.  So it is with the CCSS.  You can name all the 'experts' who agree with the CCSS, or all the 'experts' who think it is terrible.  You can find your advocates on either side of the issue.  But what I don't like is the bullying and name calling.  One article called supports of the CCSS "the kool-aide drinkers".  That is very offensive and an educated person should not be that type of a bully.  This is just one example of some of the name-calling that is going on.  If you want to be taken seriously, refrain from name-calling.

Well, that is enough for today.  I am sure some people will not agree with my view of things.  I am sure some people will think I was right on.  The only thing I know is that:
1) I am going to teach what the state tells me I must teach.
2)  I will encourage the parents of my students to help out with their child's education.
3)  I will vote in the next election.
4)  I will pour my own money into my classroom.
5)  I will plan and prepare lessons that are appropriate for my students.
6)  I will continue to give tests in the way my district provides.
7)  I will continue to learn about my students and find ways to help them learn in their own learning style.
8)  And I will always go to bed late because that is the life of a school teacher!

Good night, all! (I'm not even proofreading this because I am tired.  I am sure someone will let me know if something is wrong.)  Just be nice, please.  I don't like bullies.
 (Sure hope this doesn't get me in trouble with my school district.)

Another Week

Happy St. Patrick's Day!       The End of the Rainbow.....Potters Pond 

The wind is blowing here in Emery County today.  I bet you are say that it always blows here, but today it seems like it is really loud.  I just turned on the 5:00 Channel 2 news and heard that Orangeville had a gust of 57 mph. That is a bit more than usual.

We had Stake Conference today.  I really enjoy listening to President Sharp any time he speaks to us.  He talked last night, and again at the end of this morning session.  Last night he spoke about abuse and how we do have a problem right here in our stake with people being abused in various ways, and people abusing in various ways.  He was stressing more the physical, verbal, emotional, and spiritual abuse, not so much the drug abuse.  Some of his remarks really made me think.  He talked about how the person receiving abuse is sometimes told they are 'making' the abuser abuse them, which is so far from the truth.  The abused have nothing to do with the choice of the abuser.  The abuser is in total control of his/her own actions.  That is why the abuse is usually committed in private.  The abuser chooses to abuse in a private setting, not where people can witness.  This makes it a conscious act, and they know what they are doing.  They can just as well choose not to abuse.  Another thing he stressed is that sometimes the best love for the abuser is to help them get out of the situation where they can continue to abuse.  That means, love them enough to get out of the situation where they can continue to abuse you, or your loved ones.  If you really love them, help them stop abusing by not allowing them to be where they can continue their abuse.  That might mean getting away from them so they can no longer abuse.  He also stressed that the abused person will not feel better until they accept the atonement in their life, accept that the Lord is there for them, and doesn't hold them responsible for the abuser's actions.  And that forgiveness does not mean "forgetting" the abuse happened. My notes didn't do justice to the spirit we felt in the meeting.  I just love President Sharp and am so glad he is a personal friend.

So......for my personal journey of weight loss.  I didn't have a good 'eating' week this week.  Usually felt I was eating more than I needed to be, or should be eating.  I wasn't expecting much of a positive change on the scales at all.  However, I did improve with my walking.  I walked more than 0.6 miles on Friday.  (I think it was 0.62, but not exactly sure.)  It was on a 'rolling hills' setting, so the elevation went up and down.  I didn't have it on a very high elevation, but I could tell it was a change.  It helped me to put in my weight (I don't like to see it at all!) because then the calories burned is SOOOOO much higher!  That is one of the good things about putting in the weight.  More weight means more to carry along, which means more calories burned!  It all works out, don't you think?  One day at school we had a birthday party to celebrate in the faculty room, and I was really good and didn't eat anything.  Well, it really wasn't difficult because it was ice cream, which I don't really enjoy too much.  But the chocolate brownies sure did look good.  But I was a good girl.  However, the crackers here at home kept calling me late at night.  Then, the other day I received a package of Macadamia nuts in the mail.  That sure did me in!  But did you know that you can eat a whole 1/4 cup and only count 1 point?  Or was it 2?  At any rate, it wasn't many, and since I hadn't eaten all my points for a few days, I was able to eat quite a few.  (I wonder if I have any left in my desk for next week!)  So with all that eating, I wasn't expecting anything great when I got on the scales on Saturday morning.

Saturday morning came.  I got ready to weight, expecting to be back up a few pounds.  I sure was surprised when it was about the same as before.  I stepped off the scales and then got back on, thinking it must not have registered well, like maybe I was not stepping on it enough, maybe my foot was off-centered or something.  When I got back on the weight flashed up and down and finally settled......on a weight loss of 3.7 pounds!  By now I am sure the scale is wrong, so I go ahead and get into the shower, thinking with the water on my body and hair I will try it again.  Which I do.  And again, just what was recorded the last time.  I tried it again this morning and still at the same weight!  So I guess it was better than I thought.  The clue for me is the walking.....of course after watching my food intake.  Last night I wore the dress I wore to conference was one I didn't wear at all last year.  I tried one a part of ....what do you call those pants that are mid-length?  Not 'shorts' but just below the knees?  Anyway, I never felt comfortable in them last year because they pulled across my middle, but they are lose on me right now!  I'm not in the one pair of pants that were too small yet, but almost!  So I guess all this walking is doing me some good.  Still can't see it much myself, and not hearing much from other people, but Garth says he can tell it.  Maybe when I am not wearing the same clothes people will be able to see the difference.

So total loss depends on when I start counting.  I went to the doctor's at the end of December, and a few weeks later, when I had gained 3 pounds.  I didn't start the on-line program until after Garth's knee surgery.  That was a few weeks later.  Between the doctor's appointment when they said I had an enlarged heart, and when I started the on-line program I had lost 12 pounds.  So total from that last appointment it is now 35.8 pounds.  Not bad in my judgement.  But it is truly the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  I am not a walker.  I still can't walk without holding on to something.  Don't ask me to walk around the block, I just can't do it.  I hold on to the handles of the treadmill.  I lift a few weights....I mean I do the weights with the machines at Pro-Rehab.  I do the total gym squats and lift my own weight by standing up and squatting down.  (I'm not sure what it is all called.)  It helps to have Garth there to encourage me. I don't mind walking that way.  But walking alone......with nothing to hold to....NO WAY!  I can't walk on the playground the way I can walk on the treadmill.  The eating isn't so bad.  Garth is a great cook and we are eating lots of salmon and pork chops, etc.  As long as I have grapes or bananas or something like that at school to snack on after school I'm ok.  And I just go to bed when I get the urge to snack at night.  I still think I am losing a lot of fluid from my legs.  We aren't doing the massaging as much as we should, because it takes so long.  But I know it will have an affect on it all.  (Or is it effect?)  Anyway, it is coming along.

Reading while I am walking also helps me.  I finished the first book I was reading, and am now reading about a doctor (neurosurgeon) who contacted a deadly form of E. Coli and was in a coma for a week, during which time he visited the spirit world and learned so much that he wants to share it with others.  He is not a member of our church, but his insights are so close to what we believe.  It is really an interesting read.......

So that is the weekly review.  This week I have report cards coming out.  Parent/Teacher conferences on Thursday afternoon/evening.  A district training on DIBELS math assessment for 3 days at the district office! (Tuesday afternoon, Wednesday morning, Thursday afternoon.)  Along with piano lessons on Tuesday and Friday (because of conferences it is moved to Friday.)  Should go to the Relief Society Birthday Party on Wednesday but probably won't get there because of everything else happening.  And on Saturday I should go to the organ workshop given by Seth Bott and BYU organ department here at our church building.  If I make it, I do, if I don't I still know how to play the organ.  But that is another post!

Sorry to bore any of my 2 readers. But this is my life.

Weird Things

The other morning I woke up with very strange thoughts.  I had a very bad dream and I was not happy.  Scared, in fact.  I have this big fear of water.  Not water in a cup, or water in the sink.  Big water.  Like a big lake....very big lake.  Or falling off the side of the road into a very big lake.  I get nervous driving past the east side of Joe's Valley, looking over the edge of the road to the water below.  I fear being in the water and the car sinking.  I can stand sitting by the edge of the lake going fishing, but I would rather not be in a boat out on the lake.  So I was terrified when I woke from my dream.  In my dream I was treading water in a large ocean.  Yes....ocean.  I looked around and saw no one else any where in sight.  It was just me....treading water.  I wasn't in a panic in my dream.  I knew I was in the water and that no one was around.  I also knew that I could not reach the bottom, like I would have tried to do in a swimming pool.  I turned myself around and around, looking for someone or something.  I knew the shore was about 12 miles off in the distance, but also knew that I didn't know which direction to go.  I figured someone would be coming for me, but also knew that it would be next to impossible for them to find me in that vast ocean.  I saw a pod of dolphins swimming near me.  The water bubbled and bubbled where they were swimming.  I could see them swimming around and around.  I wasn't scared, just glad they didn't come any closer.  And then I woke up.

What does that dream mean?  I hope I never find out.

Today I woke up, stood up, and started walking toward the bathroom, which is what I usually do each morning.  I took a few steps and realized that I was actually able to walk with almost a regular gait!  It was wonderful!  I had a little bit of pain in my left hip, but my feet actually moved on their own, without me willing them to move.  I haven't been able to walk like that for years.  It felt so good.  I can't say it has stayed there all day long.  After sitting in church it was still difficult to get these legs moving, but this morning gave me a little bit of hope.

I have been keeping up on logging in my food each day.  I have only gone over my daily points once or twice during the past two weeks, and have never used more than 3 points in my weekly extra points.  Yesterday, after recording a 2.9 loss for the week, we rewarded ourselves with a small pizza.  OK, I ate my share, but it was still only 2 points over my daily limit.  When you don't eat breakfast until 10:00 and it is easy to only eat two meals a day!

I am also improving in my walking.  When I started the middle of January I was only able to walk at a speed of about 0.8 MPH, which is really a crawl.  But my legs were in such pain that I couldn't do much more than that.  And only for about 5 minutes the first day.  I was finally able to work up to the full 20 minutes, but walked very slowly, only about 1.2 MPH.  Then I did the rib thing and had to slow down for a week or so.  Now I am back to trying to work up the speed.  I learned that taking my iPad and reading a book while walking seems to help me.  It is pretty boring looking out the window at the corner of Ace Hardware (nothing against the store, just not much eye-candy there!) or watching the cars drive up to park in front of the State Liquor store.  (Interesting what a drinking problem we have in this county.)  Reading a book takes my mind off the outside world and I can just put the "up" button and start to gradually walk a bit faster each day.  So on Friday I walked the entire 20 minutes (have done so for several weeks), and got up to a 1.5 speed.  The grand total distance was 0.49 miles... Now, don't laugh at that!  That is BIG in my eyes!  I am aiming for that 0.50 mark on Monday!  Considering that a month ago I was only about 0.15 miles in 20 minutes, I think that is pretty good.  And if it helps me, that is even better.  I don't think I am up to running a race yet, but I might be able to walk up the hallway at school a little bit quicker than I did last year.  And if you were carrying the weight I have been carrying, you might be able to walk that far either!  So don't make fun of me.  I need all the support I can get.......

I am so thankful for my wonderful husband.  He is really my greatest supporter.  He goes with me every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  He is still recovering from his back surgery, which has been very difficult for him.  Between his back surgery and his knee surgery he has had a very rough year.  You might think, "OK, you are all better."  But it doesn't work that way.  He can't lift things, can't bend as he would like, his legs still ache from the sciatic nerve, he can sit for about an hour, then needs to rest his back by lying down flat for a while.  It is a constant up and down thing for him.  He has had to learn patience, that he can't do the things he wants to do to keep busy.  He has had to learn a new way of life.  He has done hard work all of his life and it is very difficult for him to slow down, but he doesn't have a choice.  His back is worn out from all the years of twisting, lifting, bending, climbing, crawling, and everything he had to do for his jobs.  But in his pain, he supports me.  And I love him so much for that.  I think he is the greatest!  He tries so hard to make my life comfortable.  He brings me lunch each day so we can have time together.  He helps me at night.  He goes to the gym with me, walking beside me if both treadmills are available.  He is the greatest, and I am so glad he is there for me.  I hope I can support him as much as he has supported me.  Love you, dear!

This was our opening song in Sacrament meeting today, as well as in Relief Society.  I guess I needed to hear it.  I hope it brings comfort to others as well.

Hymn #123  Oh, May My Soul Commune with Thee
Oh, may my soul commune with thee
And find thy holy peace;
From worldly care and pain of fear,
Please bring me sweet release.

Oh, bless me when I worship thee
To keep my heart in tune,
That I may hear thy still, small voice,
And, Lord, with thee commune.

Enfold me in thy quiet hour
and gently guide my mind
To seek thy will, to know thy ways,
And thy sweet Spirit find.

Lord, grant me thy abiding love
And make my turmoil cease.
Oh, may my soul commune with thee
And find thy holy peace.

Starting Over Again

Just when I think that I am starting to feel better.....BANG....something else comes up.  It is all just so weird.  

Remember clear back in December?  It really wasn't that long ago, just a few short weeks.  Just over a month.  Yes, my memory does go back that far.  I remember it because the end of December was painful.  I had fallen...again.... I ached for days and days.  After Christmas I went to the local medical clinic and we started looking for reasons for my recent aches and pains.  It had been over a week since my fall and I was still having a hard time getting around.  Picking one place to start looking was difficult.  My back/side/underarms really hurt, so we started there. X-rays didn't show anything.  Took blood tests....Come back in a week when the blood tests are back.  .......... 

 I remember one early morning with the pain so unbearable that I was wondering if it was kidney stones.  Never having had that problem before, the pain in the back/sides/rib area where I was holding made me think of kidney....Could it be?  Tests said no.

A week later....Still hurting.  This time my legs/hips/whatever.  Blood tests show everything is ok. By now I had developed a strange clicking sound when I walked.  Couldn't pinpoint where it came from.  Hips?  Back?  No pain with the clicking, just a loud popping sound.  PA said x-rays of the hips should tell us something.  So, did it?  Only that I had previously broken my tail bones several times.  Yup, I remember each time very well.  First time when I was pregnant with my oldest and fell....Kerplunk down the outside steps to the Kohler's house during a snowstorm.  Bounced clear down the stairs.  Got up, went to the .... can't remember the families last name!....Steve was the father and our bishop in Cornish....gave piano lessons to their daughter.....went home in pain and misery.  Couldn't sit or stand for months without pain.  Dr. Ed said I would break it again when I gave birth.  Sure enough.....pain continued for many months.  But I digress...or 'bird-walk' as we call it in education.  Get back on Track!

Nothing from the x-rays.   You do have an enlarged heart so you absolutely need to exercise.  Good advice. I think I will through all my pain and suffering.  Also, go to the lymphedema specialist to see if you can get help with all that fluid in your legs.  That might help.  So I do.  All of the above. 

I pay the fee for Weight Watchers on-line.  Go to the school scales (a good set with the sliding thingies.....have worked on everyone else for years.....Weigh in at ????? pounds, which is what I already knew because I have been secretly weighing myself for many years.  Entered that weight into the Weight Watchers program and start logging in my eating.  If I have to eat as many 'point' as they say I would have to eat more than I usually do!  So I am just careful and don't eat the treats that everyone brings to school every day.  I swear our faculty room table is always full of good treats even though everyone is on a diet.  ALL THE TIME!  

We go to the lymphedema specialist and learn how to do the massages.  I can tell it helps because I can't go past a bathroom without a good visit.  We learn lots about the lymph system and how to help it work.  Did you know that lasix pills turn the lymph fluid to jelly?  They work well for a veneous problem, but not the lymph problems.  I guess I will not take any more.  (I haven't for quite a while because I didn't think they were doing any good.  guess I was right!)  

I go down to the physical therapist's office to exercise.  Have a good 'in' there, someone who helps to keep me motivated, besides my wonderful husband.  Scott encouraged me to do just a little bit more each day and to get into the habit.  That is hard because my days are so busy that I can't find time to go down.  But I do.  I walk, bike, row the arms thing, a bit of some arm pushes, and more walking.  For several weeks.  

I weigh each week and plug it into the weight watchers program.  Shows good weight loss.  Everything is working well.  Except on Wednesday morning when I step into the shower I notice my side is hurting.  Kind of the same place it was hurting back in December.  I go to school and everything seems fine.  I go home in the afternoon, change my clothes and we head to the gym to workout.  On the way my side starts to really hurt.  I complain about it to Garth.  It gets worse and worse as I just sit there!  Man, it is bad!

No way am I NOT going to walk today because I have a pain.  I don't want anyone to think I am a quitter. 

I know most people who know I am working to lose weight are really just waiting to see how long I can keep it up.  They are probably waiting to see me stop, to stop going to the gym, to stop watching my food in-take, to stop doing everything.  So I am determined to not show that. So I walk.  In pain.  And in tears.  

Thursday I get up to go to Provo to the lymphedema therapist again.  So much pain I can hardly move!  The pain is in the back/left-side/rib area, just like in December.  The ride up and back hurt.  I rested that night.  Got up on Friday still in pain but went to school.  And down to physical therapy.  But walking on the treadmill was torture!  I am determined to not stop because I WILL show people I will not stop.  Even in pain.  But I did cry.  I am so glad no one was there that late.  Everyone had gone except for Garth and I, so I was free to cry as I walked.  

Saturday morning......Horrible!  We decided to go to the ER because it was impossible to move without ex...can't spell that word excruicating pain (Hey, I teach third grade and that is not a third grade word.)  My advice:  Don't go to the ER on a Saturday.  We were there for a total of  hours and saw the doctor about 10 minutes total...in 2 minute visits.  When she first came in and asked what my problem was, I explained my horrible pain and showed her: left back/side/underarm pain.  She lifted my clothes to get a look and noticed two little tiny pimples.  She asked me how long I had those little things. I remember Nicky looking at them when we put the 'shocker' machine on a few weeks before.  (Which helped to get rid of the pain then.)  I told her they had been there for about 2 weeks. Diagnosis:  shingles.  That's it.  "Any burning and/or itching?"  Nope.  "It's shingles. We'll draw blood. I'll be back in a minute."  And she left.  I was not satisfied, to say the least.  I know the burning and pain from shingles and that wasn't what I was feeling.  

After two more hours of being told by the nurses that that doctor would be back in a few minutes, after the blood draw, I was getting more upset.  This is not what my pain is.  We finally told the nurses that we weren't happy and needed to talk with the doctor again.  Her next 2 minute visit with us she asked "Do you want a CT scan?"  I guess you don't need a degree to order one of those!  So I said yes.  I wanted to rule out anything that it could be before I agreed to have the shingles.  I told her I was sure the pain came from something else.  Maybe broken ribs?  

CT scan....another hour wait.  Doc comes in: "You have two broken ribs."  After more discussion about taking it easy, don't move much, don't sneeze or cough, more pain meds, as she turned to leave she turned back around and said, "But I still think you have shingles."  OK.  I'll give her that if she insists.  I wonder what the blood tests will show.  

So, now I have two broken ribs.  I am in pain.  Do I walk on the treadmill again?  I don't know.  I don't like crying when I am not in an emotional situation.  I don't want to look like a quitter.  I don't want people to see me crying because I am walking.  But I don't like having this terrible pain either.  

But I did lose 15 pounds in a month.  Most of it fluid.  But I can fit into a few pairs of pants I haven't worn yet this year.  So I guess things are looking all right.  And I learned last night:  it does hurt to sneeze when you have two broken ribs.  It hurts like heck!

Just Thinking About Things

Garth is recovering well from his knee replacement surgery last Monday.  I was so thankful that Nicky was able to come down to spend time with me during that day.  I was just having a difficult time thinking of sitting there in the hospital waiting and I was glad for her to talk with.  She was sure entertained by former sheriff LaMar Guymon's remark about the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday!  I won't repeat it here because it might not be looked at as 'politically correct', but I guess it was funny because Nicky and LaMar's wife were sure laughing.

Garth was able to come home a day earlier than planned because 1) he was doing so well, 2) he was giving the nurses a tough time as only he can kid around, and 3) he told the doctor he would sleep better at home than on that awful hospital bed.  It was really hurting his back.  So I when I went over to Price on Wednesday to visit, I picked him up at the door.  We laughed before surgery that I was just going to drop him off and then come and pick him up later, but that is just about what happened.  I left him on Monday night after he was recovered from the surgery and able to be up a bit.  I didn't go over on Tuesday because I had some piano students that afternoon until 6:00.  I don't like to drive in the dark, and it was cold and icy so I was worried about walking into the hospital from the parking lot, then back out to the car a few hours later.  It would have been about 7:00 before I even got there!  Plus, Garth didn't like the idea of me being out so late and he knows how difficult it is for me to drive in the dark, so he didn't want me to come over, either.  But I was planning on going on Wednesday because of no piano lessons.  When the doctor said he could go home, he called me and said to just meet him at the door, which I did.

He is doing well, except for a small slip today.  We had a spot of ice on the driveway right off the desk and he kind of slipped a bit on the way to the car.  He caught himself, but really pulled his leg and back.  We came home from church after Sacrament Meeting so he could get ice on his legs again.  We found that it was bleeding through the wrappings, so he called the home health nurse, who came over and checked it out.  The staples are still in ok, but there is a bit of oozing from a few of the lower ones.  We will have to watch them carefully.  He then remembered that he is on blood thinner, which is why it might have bleed a bit.  But I think we have it all under control now.  His physical therapy is doing well and he starts going down to the office tomorrow in the morning.

Garth is such a morning person!  He gets right up out of bed and gets dressed and going.  I get up early, but it takes me forever to get going.  I shower to wake me up, then must read or sew for a little while to get my brain working.  Then I can finally get dressed and going.  I wish I had his energy in the morning.

At any rate, he is doing well and I am glad he will soon be able to perhaps walk without as much pain.  He worries about me all the time and won't let me take care of him.  I don't know what I would do without him. He is such a great guy!  Love you, dear!

The New Year

It is now 9:00 pm the last night of my Christmas vacation.  What have I accomplished these two weeks I've been off?  Not much by some people's measuring.  By my own thinking, quite a lot.  I got a lot of cross-stitching done on the next Christmas stocking, so that is a big step.  Speaking of big steps........I didn't take one, or rather I missed one and fell kerplunk!  That is why I haven't really accomplished much these two weeks.  I fell so hard and bruised up my legs like never before.  It was not a pretty fall, and I had to actually use my cell phone to call and get help getting up.  So thankful for my phone in my pocket!  But pretty embarrassing to have to call for help.  But I was one hurting person.  Being that I cannot in any way kneel on my right legs, getting up off the ground was pretty impossible.  I am so thankful for the ladies at R Pizza Place for helping me up and getting me to my car.  They also called me during the evening to make sure I was alright.

I spent the next three days just moving from my recliner to the bathroom to the bedroom.  Garth was still down in Arizona until Sunday evening, so I was needing to get around by myself.  And it wasn't easy.  The cane was my biggest helper.  I did get up on Sunday morning and went to  church because of the choir program that morning.  I hobbled into the chapel after 1st Ward was over and I am so glad I did because I met Uncle Royce as he came out.  He stopped and gave me a kiss on my cheek.  So glad I have that memory because he passed away the next Sunday morning.

Garth and Nicky came home in time for Christmas Eve.  We had a slow moving Christmas morning, then we drove up to Salt Lake.  We spent some time with Tammy and her kids.  They were all so excited about Christmas.  Kids is what makes Christmas so fun.

We weren't able to meet up with Barrett and his family this year, so we just drove on home that afternoon.  Since then I have spent a day in the doctor's office trying to get answers as to why my legs don't work so well, besides taking that great fall.  And yesterday we drove to Spanish Fork so I could get a tooth pulled, along with a growth taken off my lip.  He sent it in for a biopsy, but I am sure it will be just a weird thing, since it has been on my lip since forever.  Now I have to get the dark spot on the top of my head checked out and I should be ready to go for another week or so.

I missed seeing our Logan and Arizona kids this holiday season. We saw Tyler and Grayson on Facetime and skype for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.  We talked with Morgan and Max on Christmas day.  Isaac and Eli weren't really up to talking quite yet.  Maybe next year.  It was Maxwell's birthday on the 29th so we were able to talk with him.  We sure do love those phone calls.

So tomorrow I have to go back to work.  It will be good to be back to a schedule again.  But I'm worried about being able to get around and using my legs.  And I am terrified of falling.  I will be finding ways to keep inside and keeping warm.

I do have one request:  I have someone looking at my blog from a service called 'Adelphia' based out of Middletown, Maryland.  This person is coming to my blog from Chelsie Young's blog, (she is my niece.)  I'm glad you are enjoying my blog and you are more then welcome to continue, but I am just wondering who you are.  Could you please just leave a comment or tell me how you became interested?  I asked Chelsie if she knew anyone in Maryland and she said she doesn't, so she is as surprised and puzzled as I am.  Thanks for the information about yourself!  I hope you continue to visit my blog.

Time off from School

One of the most non-productive weeks of school happens to be the days just prior to Christmas.  And all teachers know that a snow storm will bring excitement levels to an all-time high.  Couple those two events together and you have ..... this past week of school.  Although we were busy, we didn't learn anything new.  We did learn how to make Christmas wrapping out of sheets of fingerpaint paper.  It is just the right size for covering a printed book of Christmas poems written by third graders.  We did learn how to sing all the Christmas carols on the few CDs I had, which had the exact same 8 songs.  We did learn that the volume button on the old classroom TV does not go up high enough to overtake the noise of the students.  The Polar Express movie is not the favorite of third graders.  I learned that students are more immune to that one swear word on The Night They Saved Christmas because no one even snickered when they heard it.  I learned that the fun of playing games is not the most important to children; it is more important to win or ruin the fun of the games. That is difficult to understand. The students might not be learning lots of new school objectives, but we are all learning new things about viewing life these days.

A Week of Many Thoughts

This week seems to be filled with so many emotions, mostly very sad or touching feelings.  I won't elaborate on the events that took place in Connecticut last Friday, except to say that I was so saddened by the thought of a school/town/area losing so many young children.  I can't imagine what they are feeling. But in reality we can imagine because we can see it.  The media have made sure the people of Newtown are not far from our thoughts.

I was so touched by the words of Robbie Parker, the father of little Emilee Parker, who was a victim of the shooting.  As he spoke in front of his LDS wardhouse, his care and concern for the family of the shooter showed the world the compassion he has.  I am sure everyone there was shocked to hear him speak with such love for the family of the person who hurt his family, but I am sure his testimony of eternal life was the catalyst for his care.  I also hear a news interview given by the mother of Emilee.  She was saying that the shooter must have been in such a dark, dark place in his mind that she felt so sorry for him.  That is probably a very different point of view that the media wasn't prepared for.  I thought it was a compassionate thought.

Last night I was speaking with a person during our ward Christmas dinner.  This lady is a very nice, loving lady.  She told me she doesn't get emotional over things, that she doesn't turn to tears very often.  But the other day she was out for a walk and passed the school when the students were walking to their classrooms after recess.  She saw two small boys walking with their arms around each other, laughing and playfully pushing each other along, with their arms around each others shoulders.  She admitted she totally lost control of her emotions and broke down and cried.  To think of how much fun they were having together, so innocent and vulnerable.  So sweet and having such fun with their friends.  How sad to think what had happened to those other sweet children.

Yesterday was also the date that my father passed away three years ago.  It was snowing that day, and it snowed again yesterday.  I miss him and our talks.  I wish I could walk into the house and sit and visit with him again.  Enough.  I can't go there today.

The snow outside is beautiful, but makes me laugh.  A while ago it became apparent that Garth would be going to Arizona for a week to help Nancy out after her surgery.  With a beautiful fall, and a quiet, no-weather beginning of winter, we joked about no snow coming until he was gone.  Sure enough, he left on Sunday and on Tuesday it snowed all day.  This has put me as the recipient of some very nice acts of kindness.  Yesterday our custodian came up to my house and shoveled the snow off the sidewalks and around the car.  That was so thoughtful of him.  Then when at the ward Christmas party I was told the Young Men would be scraping my yard for me.  When I got home after choir practice there was a large pile of snow off the side where they pushed the snow from the driveway and they re-shoveled the sidewalks.  It was so nice of them to think of me while I am home alone.

I am missing Garth but doing fine.  I know I don't like being alone, but at the same time can't wait until the end of school so I can get home where I feel safe and comfortable.