Chapter 13 Mercy in the Balance

We left Rick and his grandfather discussing how we sometimes fail to recognize our own sins, and not willing to give them up. Sometimes we don't see how merciful others have been to us. Many times we feel entitled to something, when we should be the ones giving. Rick gets upset because he feels his wife isn't giving enough love to him. In fact, she admits that she is weak and needs him to carry the load right now,but he resents that. He tells her that she needs to learn to love by loving others, but in that statement he is not showing love himself. He is making his love contingent on her love. Grandfather is trying to show Rick that he is demanding from Carol exactly what he feels she is demanding from him. Taking that aspect away from the marriage situation and put it simplying into a family situation....Am I not feeling love towards a family member simply because I'm not feeling they love me? Am I withholding concern because I want them to show concern for me? It is tough to look at sometimes. I don't know how to reach through and show the love I do feel. Am I afraid of being hurt again by someone I feel should love me? Am I afraid to step out because I might get hurt? I know I am. I don't want to be hurt by people I love, or people I feel should love me. I don't want to see that they really don't love me. I want their love and am afraid that if they don't show love to me I will feel despair again. So am I making my love and care contingent on their love for me? Right now I am not sure if I can change my fear of that rejection. Family members tell me "I wouldn't put myself in that position any more." But what does that say about me? That my feelings of hurt and rejection are more important than showing love and concern unconditionally? I just don't know how to answer some of these questions.