This was our opening song in Sacrament meeting today, as well as in Relief Society.  I guess I needed to hear it.  I hope it brings comfort to others as well.

Hymn #123  Oh, May My Soul Commune with Thee
Oh, may my soul commune with thee
And find thy holy peace;
From worldly care and pain of fear,
Please bring me sweet release.

Oh, bless me when I worship thee
To keep my heart in tune,
That I may hear thy still, small voice,
And, Lord, with thee commune.

Enfold me in thy quiet hour
and gently guide my mind
To seek thy will, to know thy ways,
And thy sweet Spirit find.

Lord, grant me thy abiding love
And make my turmoil cease.
Oh, may my soul commune with thee
And find thy holy peace.

It Wasn't What I Thought It Would Be

Matthew 5:4  Blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be comforted.  

When I started reading about this Beatitude I focused on the word 'mourn'.  Doesn't that mean when people are sad because someone close to them has died, passed away.  I know from experience that the spirit of Christ is very close at those times and I really have felt comforted.  I remember when my dad died and the different reactions I witnessed that day standing in his bedroom watching his wife and her daughter as they sobbed and howled, reminding me of the pictures I have seen on the news when people of other faiths have carried on in mourning.  I didn't feel that need; I felt comfort.  I was sad, I felt sorrow, but I was comforted.  It wasn't easy being in that situation.  But because I have a testimony of the plan of salvation and life after death, I was comforted. (In fact, I remember looking in the ceiling corners looking for the spirits I was sure were there in the room with us.)  I always thought that was the kind of 'mourning' this scripture was talking about.  But I now have a little bit more to think about.

Life is what it is - a mortal experience.  We aren't promised that if we do what is right we will not suffer.  We will all face sad times.  We will all mourn.  We will all have problems to overcome.  We will all have sad times.  We can't expect that by just living the gospel we will be free from the pains of a mortal world.  It will come, and we will be faced with many obstacles that cause us to mourn.  The gospel does not protect us from challenges because these challenges are part of the plan.  We have to learn to overcome them, in whatever form they take.  Living the gospel helps us to see through that pain and learn gospel principals in a way that we can someday return to our Father in Heaven.  There is no other way.  We have to suffer, learn, and act.

According to President Huston's book, those who don't turn to Christ will continue to suffer in some form, but if we turn to Him we will have "comfort, not bitterness, peace instead of pain; great love instead of profound emptiness."

He then goes on and reminds us of the Nephites when Christ visited them.  (3 Nephi 8).  The world had been destroyed.  What few people remained had lost everything that was important to them.  They were in the darkest of dark worlds, so dark that they couldn't see a lighted fire or their hand in front of their face.  They could hear crying, creaking of the earth.  I can't imagine the pain of the parents looking for their children, their own parents, the people they loved.  And the people left were the more righteous ones.  I'm sure that didn't take their pain away.  They hadn't done things as wrong as the other people,  but still the Lord said "will ye not now return unto me and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?" (3 Nephi 9:13).

Did they think, "Yeah, right.  We have been destroyed and you are telling me that I need to repent? Where is your compassion?  Don't you see I am hurting down here!"  But Christ knew there were lessons they needed to learn.

He had just finished teaching Peter this same lesson. He told Peter, his closest disciple, "I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not; and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren" (Luke 22:32)  Wasn't Peter already converted?  Apparently he also had a few lessons to learn, but he didn't think so.  He protested, "Lord, I am ready to go with thee, both into prison and to death!". (Luke 22:33)  Christ knew that Peter was going to have problems in the near future and he needed to be reminded that he needed to be converted, or to study and learn.  Peter learned, and became even stronger.

Did the Nephites learn?  They did because "....the mourning, and the weeping, and the wailing of the people who were spared alive did cease; and their mourning was turned into joy, and their lamentations into the praise and thanksgiving unto the Lord Jesus Christ, their Redeemer" (3 Nephi 10:10).  His peace is there for me if I surrender my self, the person I am now to be the person He wants me to be.  I must give up my pride and learn how to allow Christ to help me. By suffering and learning to lean on Christ, I can find His comfort.

Christ wants us to lean on Him for comfort, not hand our pain to others, hoping they will take it away.  No one can.  I will still mourn after the meal are brought in and eaten, after the flowers have died and been thrown away, after the kind words have been said.  I will still hurt when it looks like others have gone on with life. I will get upset at the world, at my situation, at the other people who are causing me pain.  I can react in a way that causes others to hurt as I am hurting, but what good does that do me? Perhaps that is one of the lessons Christ wants me to learn....that I might be hurting others to take the pain from me, and that I should be asking for the pain to leave, not giving it away.

I will find comfort when I come until Him.  Like Peter, I will falter.  Like the Nephites I will continue to cry.  I will still feel pain and look for help in the mortal world.  I need His comfort.  One of His many names is "Comforter."

A Book Most Needed

Last spring I found a book in my house that I had never seen before.  I don't know where it came from.  I certainly didn't purchase it.  I figured someone must have left it, but I don't know when and who it came from.  None of my children will admit to leaving it, but none-the-less, it was here for me to read.  I picked it up and started reading.  What a joy it was. I have loved the things I have been taught.  The book is Blessed Are Ye: Finding Your Unique Path to Christ by Chris Huston.  It is filled with his thoughts concerning the Beatitude's, the first lessons taught by Christ while he was on the mountainside.  All of His teachings, His lessons and sermons, can be found in the simple verses in Matthew Chapter 5.  (I have searched for this book on-line but can't find it.  The publisher has gone out of business so I don't think it is available any more.)

After reading it I put it aside, but picked it up again to study a bit deeper.  With my broken arm I had lots of time to really study the book, along with the scriptures found in each chapter.  I decided to really get into the book and learn more about the lessons that I need to learn.  I think that is why it was just 'dropped off' at my home.

This week I have poured over verse 9:  "Blessed are the peacemakers; for they shall be called the children of God."

What greater name can we have than to be a child of God?  That is one of the first songs we learn in Primary.  We teach our children that they are children of God.  Why do we have such a difficult time believing that adults are also children of God?  Why do we (speaking of myself) not act as though we believe we are children of God?  What do I need to change within myself so I am more deserving of that title?  It says right in this scripture: Those who are called children of God are the peacemakers.

President Hudson reminds me that I need to have a 'mighty change of heart' as described in Alma 5:14.  I need to work on myself to change my heart so I can be a peacemaker.  I admit that I fly off the cuff a lot when I need to be more peaceful.  I need to be aware of how I can change my attitude so I can see things in a more peaceful frame of mind.  I need that change of heart.  I am working to remember that, and doing things that have been very difficult so I can bring more peace into my life, and hopefully the life of others, especially my family.  I can't change their situations, but I can bring more peace to their minds if I change my heart.

He reminds me that the Golden Rule is just what I need to focus on.  I have been the recipient of kindness when I have been in despair.  I need to give that kindness to others when I see they need that care.  Have you ever felt lonely, sad, or discouraged and someone did something to show they cared?  Why is it so hard for me to remember that, to let go of my comfort zone, and give to others when I know how much it helped me?  Even if the person needing comfort wasn't the one to give me the encouragement, I need to "pass it on" and help when I see a need. I need to not judge and say they aren't deserving of my care, not leave them alone to take care of their sorrowful feelings themselves.  Although they may have gotten themselves into a situation, it doesn't hurt to show that I love them anyway.  I know that kind of love helped me.  We are told to have unconditional love, so I shouldn't put conditions on my love.

Robert S. Wood is quoted:  "...beware of those who stir us up to such anger that calm reflection and charitable feelings are suppressed." (Ensign, May 2006, 93).  If I can't show charitable feelings and calmness, I are not able to be a peacemaker, and thereby not able to be called a child of God.

Man! He says so many things that hit home to me, knocked me over the head, and hopefully, I am going to be able to be better.   Take this quote from Theodore M. Burton:  "Satan would rather have you contend with one another even when we think we are doing it in the cause of righteousness.  He knows and recognizes the self-destructive nature of contention under any guise."  (Ensign, November 1974, 54).

President Hudson pointed out that we must make peace, by 'gentleness and meekness, and love unfeigned".  If we feel there is contention, no peace, then we must make it by showing love unfeigned. I had to look up the word 'unfeigned' to see the true meaning.  It means 'real, not fake'.  I must love the people I need to make peace with, or those people who need some peace in their life, or those whom I feel contention with.   "The peace offered by the Savior calls for empathy rather than judgment, forgiveness instead of resentment, ....active assistance instead of benign neglect, and a life that reflects spiritual dignity instead of natural passions." (Blessed Are Ye, p. 87)   I take that to mean I need to feel their pain and want to help them instead of judging them, forgive them instead of feel even a little bit of anger towards them, help them instead of just saying 'Let me know what I can do', and do as Christ would do instead of acting as I normally do. It can be a simple phone call, a text message, a message written just to them on Facebook, a card in the mail, something.   That means I need to change a lot!

At the end of the chapter he reminds me that I have the birthright to be God's child, no matter what.  But in order to return to Him, and live with Him, I need to learn how to show this love to others.

I know I have a lot of work to do in this area.  It isn't something that will just happen because I know it should, it isn't a one time thing, it isn't just change one little thing in my life.  It will take a lifetime.  I hope people can be patient with me as I go on this journey of change.  I won't get it right the first time, the second time, fifth, tenth, or many.  I might get it right once in a while.  But I will be trying.  Please be kind as I work on it.

A New Book

I recently purchased a book from Deseret Book for my iPad.  They advertised a new book written by the author of The Peacemaker.  I loved that book, and his other book The Holy Secret so I decided to get this one as well, and I haven't been disappointed. 

 Falling To Heaven has given voice to some things I have been thinking of for some time.  He talks about look down in order to look up, similar to President Monson's talk about looking up to get answers.  However, Brother Ferrell stresses that we much humble ourselves and look down, in the manner of praying, in order to see where we should be heading.  The introduction talks about how people tell us we should be happy with ourselves, but in reality, Jesus taught us to love others and forget about our self.  When the world tells us to stop being so hard on ourselves, to look at our strengths, Jesus says that He will show us our weakness.  And then our job is to make that weakness our strength. 

He then goes on to explain about the Truth in Contradiction.  Like in walking, we move forward because we push backward.  A good basketball rebounder doesn't move toward the basket, but away from it. For a golfer to hit the ball hard it sometimes helps to swing easy; to hit the ball high, swing down.  The scriptures say "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall fine it."  In Lehi's dream of the Tree of Life, the one thing that one group of people did when they tasted of the fruit, having held to the rod of iron,....."they came forth and fell down and partook oft he fruit of the tree."  They didn't reach up to get the fruit, they fell down.  They became humble and fell to the ground. The Zoramites raised themselves up on the Rameumptom (what a word!), thinking they would be closer to Christ, they were better than the poor souls around them.  They even prayed that they were thankful for how good they were!  They felt so good about what they were doing, how righteous they were.  But the Lord made it clear that this was not a good thing. 
 
In the next chapters he talks about how being down isn't always good, either.....Herein lies the Great Paradox.  How do we find the balance between down and up?  We shouldn't look down on others and say we are up ourselves.  We can't look up at others and say we are down on ourselves.  We have to realize that we are focusing on the Savior, seeing our weaknesses, and working to make them our strengths, and realize that the Savior is the one who will help us in all ways. 

I love the titles of the chapters:  The False Doctrine of Up; The False Burden of Down;Unacceptable and Acceptable Sins (Do you mean some sin is acceptable? No, but some people think so, or in other words, think their actions and words are acceptable when in realize they are sins.)  Superiority by Association (Don't we all know people who think if they associate with certain people they will become superior themselves, or they can now associate with certain people because they have reached a certain place in their lives where they are 'as good as them', leaving the rest of their associates behind in the dust?)

All these types of 'upness' are discussed throughout the book, with the emphasis on learning to overcome this in our own selves, or learning how to recognize it in others and therefore learn not to get 'down' on others who we see suffering from this upness.  While at the same time not thinking we are better because we don't have the upness because if we think we don't and that others do, we make ourselves better, again.  The Great Paradox.

Right now I am reading about how we sometimes withhold forgiveness at our own peril.  This goes along with my mantra  "Eternity depends on how we view those who mistreat us."  If we say we forgive someone but refuse to have any association with them (thinking of family, loved ones, workers, friends, etc.) we our self need to repent.  As Bro. Ferrell says "We are unwilling to pay the purchase price of forgiveness and are using it instead as a crass currency of exchange."  "Any withholding of love is itself a sin.  So to have held it back on account of what another has done is itself an act for which we must repent.  .......when I as the harmed party respond to this request by giving up my resentment and my grudge, what I am doing is repenting--repenting of my failing to love.  Forgiveness is simply the word we use to describe this kind of repentance....This is the most crucial type of repentance of all.   "  He talks about how the Lord's example of prayer, known as the Lord's Prayer, has only one item that has a condition...""Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors."  And right after Christ closed his prayer he taught "your heavenly Father will also forgive you; But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

 If we withhold our love, our association, our friendship, or our family ties from others because of their sins, we have not truly forgiven.  We may say we have forgiven them, and we probably have, but we need to forgive ourselves for withholding that love that Christ says we must show for everyone.

Why do I gravitate to books that force me to look at myself and see where I need to forgive?  I know it is because I hold some strong feelings toward others and need to let them go so I can become a better person.  My book is striped with highlighted comments, which is wonderful because then I can go back and read what I have been thinking about.  I love the interactive scriptures as well because I can then mark in my scriptures the verses that are brought to life. 

I am anxious to read Bro. Bednar's book "Increase in Learning".  I am so thankful that the church leaders feel the need to write books to help us.  Reading their words and looking up the scriptures they use to bring out their points, helps me in my scripture study.  I love reading the scriptures, but reading them in context with the words of the apostles and other people who teach through the scriptures helps me see ways I can apply the scriptures in my life.  I get so much 'pondering' done when I read books along with the scriptures, and then write about my thoughts. 

If you are looking for a good book, I suggest "Falling to Heaven: The Surprising Path to Happiness" by James Ferrell.

Look Up

I had this post almost all composed and then it just disappeared!  I know it sometimes automatically saves, but not this time.  Perhaps that meant that I shouldn't have posted what was written, and I have been given another change to make it better.  I hope that is what I am able to do.

We had a very touching lesson in Relief Society today.  Since it was the 4th week our lesson was taken from the most recent General Conference issue of the Ensign, which is November 2011.  The talk was given by Elder Carl B. Cook entitled "It Is Better to Look Up."  You can find it on page 33.  

I remember hearing this talk.  He started out with a personal experience.  Elder Cook was in the elevator in the Church Administration building and was looking down at the floor when the elevator stopped.  He knew someone stepped on to the elevator and heart the person say "What are you looking at down there?"  He recognized the voice as President Monson, so he quickly looked up.  President Monson gently reminded him that it is better to "Look Up."

How many times do we forget this simple act?  It is so easy to lose focus on what is truly important. We each have so many things going on in our lives, thing that weigh us down and cause us to loose focus.  But as Elder Cook reminds us, by looking up to God we can redirect our focus to be healed and strengthened through Christ.  In doing so, we will not "feel incapable of doing what we are called to do, or need to do.  We will be strengthened, and our lives will be filled with peace and joy....The Lord will help us.  But we must have the faith to look up and the courage to follow His direction."

In Alma we read: "O my brethren, if ye could be healed by merely casting abut your eyes that ye might be healed, would ye not behold quickly, or would ye rather harden your hearts in unbelief, and be slothful...Then cast about your eyes and begin to believe in the Son of God, .."

He ends with his testimony that "We are Heavenly Father's children.  He wants to be a part of our lives, to bless us, and to help us.  He will heal our wounds, dry our tears, and help us along our path to return to His presence.  As we look to Him, He will lead us. ......Our burdens are lightened as we look to Christ, "Let us remember him...and not hang down our heads. (2 Nephi 10:20) for, as President Monson said, "It is better to look up."

With all the trials we are each asked to walk through, no matter how righteous our desires, how blessed we are, no matter what our wishes and hopes are, we have to remember that He knows each of us, not just us but everyone.  He knows what is best for everyone.  We just have to trust that we can learn for ourselves that He is in control.  We need to remember to look up to see what He would have us do.

We were never promised that it would be easy.  As simple as it sounds, it isn't easy.  It wasn't easy for the Children of Israel to raise up their eyes and look at the serpent on the rod that Moses raised, even though they had been told that if they looked they would be saved.  It wasn't easy, and many didn't do so.  Those who looked were saved, and those who didn't were destroyed.  We might not be 'destroyed' if we don't look up, but by going to church each week and partaking of the sacrament we are promised to 'have His spirit to be with us."  That is a form of looking up.  That will help us to focus on what is important.  And even through it isn't easy, we can do it a bit at a time.  Then, after we look to Him, He will be able to show us the blessings he has in store for us.  Sometimes He sees the heartbreak that our wishes would cause us, sometimes He sees the blessings others needs from our actions, or the blessings we can give by service to others. But no matter what, He knows what is best for each of us.  We just have to have the faith that He will do what is best.  One sure way to show that faith is to "Look Up".

Just Thinking

Warning!  This ended up being very long.  Proceed at your own risk of boredom.

I always seem to be troubled by some things that others might think are silly, childish things.  Maybe it is all a lack of faith, but I really don't think so because faith is trust for things not seen that are true, and I really trust that the things I am not 'seeing' are true and that someday I will understand the whys that I question.  I go about my days trusting that what I know to be true really is true. 

I'm not talking about the 'big' things like "Is the church true?"  "Did Joseph Smith really see God and Jesus Christ."  I honestly believe that with all my soul.  Yes, I know the Book of Mormon was written by ancient prophets, and it was guarded, protected, and carefully buried and watched to come from obscurity in our time to help us understand the importance of Christ in our life.  I know all that.  My problem lies in myself and I guess you can say my faith in myself. 

I know that when a person suffers from depression of any type, the truth is very blurred.  I went through a time when I was very depressed and it took many years for me to see that things weren't as bad as I believed them to be.  In the meantime my children grew up with me, and my husband, going to church, going to the temple, doing all those things that our society does to keep our faith strong.  But I wavered.  And I suffered silently.  But somehow I overcame it, I guess. 

I can't tell you when or how, but I finally climbed out of the dark tunnel and kept going.  I didn't see a big light showing me the way, but I wasn't in darkness any more and could at least get out of bed without crying every day.  But sometimes the blackness comes back and covers my world for a few days.  But I just keep going, knowing that it is just temporary and I can function.

I know I shouldn't think too much about my church callings or I go into that place again.  That dark place.  I know that people would be happy to never have a church job, never be asked to give a lesson, never be responsible for anything in the church.  But one of my questions is, "Why do we congratulate people when they are called to certain positions?"  If a church position isn't a sign of confidence in their ability to do the job, or an honor to be bestowed to someone, why do we see so many members pat the newly called person on the back and say their congratulations?  Congratulations for what?  I just don't understand that.   And I know it is because I have had the same calling for 25-30 years, so long that I can't remember when it started.  I do know it was when my niece, Chelsie, was in third grade and we changed into our present ward.  (I know because that was when I took a few weeks out of teaching to have an operation and Bishop Huntington waited for me to return to school before he set me apart for sitting at the organ, and Chelsie was in my class that year.  Fun what things we remember and associate with.)

I know I have talked about it before, but I just don't understand it.  We are told to not ask to be released from callings, and I really don't want to be released.  I just wonder if this is the only place for me in the church.  And it is a good place, don't get me wrong.  I love playing the music and I humbly say I know people enjoy my music.  I know I feel the music and bear my testimony through it all the time.  That is a talent the Lord has blessed me with and one I enjoy sharing.  (I just wish my piano at home was tuned so I can play again here at home!)  I love being the organist and don't want to change that.  But have I grown from it?  I don't think so.  I can't get up in testimony meeting and say "My family has been so blessed because of my calling."  "I have grown so much in this church job."  ....... 

I know people will say that I don't need those challenges, and I should be glad I don't have to do any studying, or worrying about lessons, etc.  And, really, I am glad for that.  I just need to learn that my growth must come from me, because I want it, not because I have to give a lesson on it.  I just wonder about my own self-worth.  I hear people go up to the Relief Society teacher and tell them what a good job they did on the lesson, that they learned or felt something wonderful.  I'm sure it makes them feel good that they were able to help people feel the spirit.  When was the last time someone went up to the organist and told them they felt the spirit through their music?  I can only think of one person in the past 30 years (besides my husband) who has commented on listening to the prelude music and feeling the spirit.  Heck, most people don't even hear it at all.....

All of this isn't even really what I was going to write about tonight.  It just happened to flow from my fingers, so please forgive me for my ramblings, but they are MY thoughts anyway, so I can write what I want. :)

All of this just gives a look into my self-esteem and my wondering why I feel like I don't count in the whole scheme of things.  I see so many blessings for my family members, so much strength that they have gained from the trials they have had to endure.  I know many of them still have questions about why they are given the trials they have, but I can see so much strength and wisdom in each of them.  So I just keep trudging on, trusting in the Lord that it is all good and right.  Knowing that He will keep His promises if I will only do what I know I should do.  Which brings me to my point of all of this.

I guess I have to say it was an answer to prayers for me, or a revelation, or whatever.  I know it is a tender mercy or a divine signature. (Yes, I read that book and loved it!) A friend on Facebook had a link to a blog that looked interesting, so I checked it out.  (Thanks, Pat Fairbanks!)  I know I can't do it justice here so if you are interested I hope you read it. It is "The Gospel According to Scott."  The think I learned is this:  Sister Teresa, the wonderful nun who lived in poverty and accepted the calling to teach the people of India, one of the most admirable women on earth, she also wavered and felt left alone by the Savior.  She didn't feel the spirit when she thought she should, but she kept on going, knowing that she was doing what was right.  She felt she had been deserted and that the Lord had left her to go through her life without him.  But she still did what was right, with faith that everything would work out for her good.  And then she learned the lesson that she had to learn.  But it was really a lesson for me.

She, and I, felt that way so we can understand how the Savior feels when we leave him.   When we feel like everything is in doubt, that even the Lord doesn't care about little old us, that was how He felt when he was forced to suffer his great trial all by himself. And He did it just for us.  He know how we feel, lonely and unwanted and unloved, because He also felt that way.  And he feels that way if we don't try to keep close to Him.  Why would I want to step away from Him and make Him feel like He isn't important to me?  By simply doing what is right, making the choices that I know I should make, keep on doing what I am supposed to do, "fake it until you make it" as they say.  By doing all this, I am showing Him that I will someday be worthy of His care.  I shouldn't need people to tell me they feel the spirit through my music.  I shouldn't need people to congratulate me for a calling that I don't have.  I don't need someone to say they were miraculously inspired to come and visit me, or call me, or sit by me in church.  I just need to know that He cares, even when I feel He doesn't.  Someday I will feel it. 

Someday I will.  And until then, I'll keep going to church, going to the temple, paying my tithing, going to all three meetings each Sunday, doing my genealogy and Family Search Indexing, reading my scriptures, taking meals to people who need help, cleaning the church when it is our turn,  and yes, playing the organ. By doing this and so much more, I am showing the Lord I will be there for him, that He isn't alone because I will be there.  And I know that in the long-run, He will give me the blessings I was promised. 

Chapter 15, 16, 17.....

Just a side note before I start reviewing this chapter. The other day I got my daily message from LDS-Gem which really struck me because it is what we are reading in this book. Here it is:
"We are safe on the rock which is the Savior when we have yielded in faith in Him, have responded to the Holy Spirit's direction to keep the commandments long enough and faithfully enough that the power of the Atonement has changed our hearts. When we have, by that experience, become as a child in our capacity to love and obey, we are on the sure foundation."
Topics: Jesus Christ, Holy Ghost, Atonement

(Henry B. Eyring, "As a Child," Ensign, May 2006, 15-16)

Grandfather has been teaching Rick to become as a little child, which is just what President Eyring saying. When we can love unconditionally then the atonement can work in our lives.

Now, on to chapter 15. Rick is trying to connect the messages of Abigail and Jonah in his mind. He remembers "yes, the Lord has paid in full for others' sins, that was the point--that it may be helpful to think more often about how he has paid for others' sins rather than just dweling on how he has paid for our own." Maybe this is thinking of others and not ourselves as much. Rick outlines his thoughts about the atonement:
1. We are each of us sinners, entitled to nthing but hell and therefore utterly and equally dependent upon the mercies of the Lord. (Jonah)
2. I can receive the Lord's mercy--and the happiness, healing, and peace that attent it--only to the extent I extend the same to others. (Jonath).
3. The Lord mercifully removes any justification for failing to extend mercy to others. (Abigail)
A. For the Lord has taken the sins of others upon his own head and personally atoned for them. (Abigail)
B. What possible justification could there be for demanding more for others' sins than the Lord has given? (Abigail)
4. I can recover mercy by remembering (a) Abigail's offering, (b) the Lord's question to Jonah, and (c) my own sins, the memory of whch brings me to the Lord and invites me to rediscover his mercy and peace.
5. if I repent of failing to extend mercy, the Lord will supply me with everything I need and more--he will grant me his love, his companionship, his understanding, his support, He will make my burdens light.

Rick does some serious thinking when he gets upset with remarks Carol makes.
"My peace is not determined by others--whether they be righteous or ot--but by myself. Or rather, my peace is determined by whether I come to Christ myself. For when I come to him, he blesses me with his mercy, and basking in that mercy I find peace. Whether others come to Christ--Nineveh and Nabal, for example--will determine their peace but not mine." In his mind he continues to think that it would be easier to come to Christ if Carol were only better and then thinks about the Book of Mormon and how the Nephites came to Christ when things were hardest and their burdens greatest. He feels a voice from within telling him,"...you find it easier to sin toward those who sin toward you. But it is your sin, not theirs, that is the source of your struggle. Carol cannot keep you from me. Only you can. Your love faileth. Mine never will. Come cast off your sins and drink of my love."

Children love fully, despie the problems we create, because of their own purity from sin. And Christ, who suffered at the hands of every soul, nevertheless loves us perfectly, and this because He was perfectly free from sin himself.

Grandfather appears and hands Rick a book,(the description of this book is beautiful and should be read by everyone!) The words he reads are from 2 Nephi about the chains of hell. Grandfather tells him that he has been flattered by these very chains and that he needs to get rid of them if he is to be at peace.

There is so much coming up in the next chapters that I will need to stop here.