Yes, that's how this whole day has been. Tough. How many times did I hear my dad say that? Now, after one year, it is still tough. I thought if I waited until later in the day the tears would be gone, but they aren't. In fact, they are more than ever. I haven't done much today, just don't have the ambition or desire. It's just been a tough day. I knew that Julie and Kent had gone shopping, and noticed that Ruanne and Larry were gone. I felt Garth and I were here alone. Just like we were last year on this day. But it did snow today, just last last year. I will be curious to see if it always snows on December 18th.
I am so thankful for parents who raised me to appreciate the little things in life. I don't need a lot of "things" to make me happy. Material things are far down on my list. But I love the little things like memories, talking with kids, hugs from grandchildren, pictures, messages, all those little things that really end up to be the big things. I am thankful for sisters who I can call at any time. I am thankful that we had family experiences that we shared, that bind us together.
I am thankful that I know my parents live on, that they are together, and that they are waiting for us to join them in the far, far distant future. As I stood there in Dad's bedroom just a few minutes after he passed away, I hoped that he was standing with Mom and watching me as I looked at him. I felt that they were both there in the room, but for just a fleeting moment. I wished I could have been there alone so I could have felt their presence better, but there were lots of people there, and lots of confusion, so it didn't last long. But I know they are together, and that makes me happy.
I'm sure Dad would say "It's not tough here! So just get busy and do what you have to be doing there." So that is what I'll do. I'll just keep on doing what I have to do. And I hope he can be proud of all of us.
Showing posts with label Dad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dad. Show all posts
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
What Is That?
Yesterday, as I walked into the faculty room to fill up my glass of ice water, someone (Sara) pointed at the window and asked, "Lori, what is that?" At the moment all I saw was that she was pointing outside in the direction of the flag pole, so I answered, "That flag?" thinking this was some sort of a test. She laughed and said, "No, that!" Since I wasn't near the window yet, and still knowing how she likes to test me, the obvious answer was "The sun?" Especially since the sun has not been shining in the past month! Again, more laughter...."No....That!" By then I was over to the window and saw what she was pointing toward. There, in the sky, was the biggest, brightest sun-dog I have ever seen! I hurried to my room to get my camera (which was a wonderful Christmas gifts because it is small and I can have it with me for moments such as this). I stepped outside my classroom and got a few really good pictures of it.
When I was younger I was taught to love looking at the sky, especially at all the wonders there. I remember many summer nights sleeping outside on the ground in "the hole" and Dad showing us the constellations, watching for falling stars, and wishing on the first star of the evening. Dad always laid there with us and told us stories about the Big Dipper and the moon. I loved those times. When I saw an especially pretty moon-rise, or a beautiful sunset, I would call Dad and tell him to go outside and look in the skies. A rainbow would always bring a phone call. I wanted so much to be able to call him yesterday and tell him to look through his front window and see what I was seeing. Perhaps he was able to see it anyway. I want to think that it was bigger and brighter than usual, and that I had friends to point it out to me, just so I know that he is thinking of me.
Thanks, Dad, for taking the time so many years ago, to teach me the wonders of the sky, so I can appreciate what my Father in Heaven has created. I will think of you every time I see something special in the sky.
When I was younger I was taught to love looking at the sky, especially at all the wonders there. I remember many summer nights sleeping outside on the ground in "the hole" and Dad showing us the constellations, watching for falling stars, and wishing on the first star of the evening. Dad always laid there with us and told us stories about the Big Dipper and the moon. I loved those times. When I saw an especially pretty moon-rise, or a beautiful sunset, I would call Dad and tell him to go outside and look in the skies. A rainbow would always bring a phone call. I wanted so much to be able to call him yesterday and tell him to look through his front window and see what I was seeing. Perhaps he was able to see it anyway. I want to think that it was bigger and brighter than usual, and that I had friends to point it out to me, just so I know that he is thinking of me.
Thanks, Dad, for taking the time so many years ago, to teach me the wonders of the sky, so I can appreciate what my Father in Heaven has created. I will think of you every time I see something special in the sky.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Out With the Old, In With the New
Do you like my new background? I hope it reminds me to go to the temple more often, even if we have to drive for 2 hours to get there! And to read my scriptures more.....I suggest everyone reads The Old Testament Made Easier. The Book of Mormon ones were great and I am really get lots of in insights with the first volume of this one.
Several people have told me it is time to change my background, so tonight, while I had a little bit of time, I decided to do so. I never know when I will have a few minutes to change it again, so I wanted to choose a "generic" one, that wouldn't have to be changed to match the season. Mind you, I like all the seasonal ones, and I am seeing some very pretty things out there. I just don't do seasons well. My seasons seem to be "school's in" and "school's out". (Those are contractions for "school is", not singular possessive, for those school teachers out there.) Right now the season is "school's in" all the time because it is too cold to be out! Please pass warmer weather! Our students just can't seem to settle down right now. They sit inside with snowsuits on, hoping it will be warm enough to go outside. Those who brave the cold come in frozen but happy. Then they take 10 minutes just getting their coats, gloves, scarves, earmuffs, etc. all hung up out in the hallways. There is always the one who needs to go back outside to get a lost glove. Is it really worth is? The ones inside take 5 minutes to decide on a game to play, then 5 minutes to get it all set up, and then only get to play for a minute before I remind them they need to get to the restroom. When they get back, the bell rings and they spend the next 10 minutes cleaning it up. Or they leave the game where they left it, thinking I don't know it is their game to clean up. Then they fight about who needs to pick up what......Again, is it worth it? To quote someone dear to my heart: OH MY STARS!!!!!
I had a special holiday time with my family. Even though we experienced the lose of my dad, it was great to have all of my family in the same state at the same time. I so much appreciated all your love and concern for me. Hearing you all ask "How are you doing, Mom," shows me you are thinking of my feelings. I hope you are all realizing just how important fathers are, and reminding yourselves how wonderful your own father is. As much as you love your father, I love mine the same. Fathers are there to pick you up when you are down, to keep you laughing when you need to see the bright side, to offer a shoulder when you need to cry, to open their hearts when you hurt. Even old mothers like me need a dad now and then. He will be missed. I will miss his stories, even though I could tell them all by heart. I will miss our talks about school. I loved to keep him up on all the happenings in school, the new trends, the demands of the job, etc. I know he enjoyed hearing what was going on. I will miss that. There are times that I hear or see something and think how much I would love to share that with Dad. And that makes the tears come again. Like right now. I learned in the 30 years without Mom, it really never gets easier, just gets normal. There are still times when I wish I had a mom to talk with, to give me advice, to show me how to solve a problem. No one ever takes the place of a mom or dad. I just hope, in some small way, to be the mom that my children will look to for advice, a talk, help with a problem. Someone that my children will miss when I am gone. I know their dad will be that man, because he is such a great guy, just like my dad.
OK........I need to stop that......
Just the Tuesday and Wednesday before Dad passed away, I spent the school days in Huntington working on a project with our assessment supervisor, otherwise known as Jon. (Cousin Jon Boy as he calls himself.) We are creating mid-year tests to be given to all the students in 3-6, to measure achievement in math and reading to prepare for the state tests. I am responsible for the third and fourth grade math tests, and will be required to create two summative tests for each grade level. These tests must match the state curriculum, which means a lot of research and test writing on the computers. Because we only had a two days to get an overview there, and to get a good start, we (the four of us on the committee)are expected to put in more days at home, not on school time. We will be paid for some extra career days, and have been given a new computer to work on. Now, my questions is this: Is this computer mine to keep? I don't know and I don't want to ask! As long as no one asks for it back, I will keep it on my desk. If it is still here after the tests are completed and approved, and no one asks for the computer back, then I will assume I get to keep it..........What you have to do to get a new computer!!! Is it worth it? I think so. (Just don't anyone tell Jon that I am questioning this. He might just take it back because I am so air-headed.)
One more resolution I have for this year: I will go back through my posts and add tags for the entries, so the tag cloud is more accurate. Just something simple for me.
Several people have told me it is time to change my background, so tonight, while I had a little bit of time, I decided to do so. I never know when I will have a few minutes to change it again, so I wanted to choose a "generic" one, that wouldn't have to be changed to match the season. Mind you, I like all the seasonal ones, and I am seeing some very pretty things out there. I just don't do seasons well. My seasons seem to be "school's in" and "school's out". (Those are contractions for "school is", not singular possessive, for those school teachers out there.) Right now the season is "school's in" all the time because it is too cold to be out! Please pass warmer weather! Our students just can't seem to settle down right now. They sit inside with snowsuits on, hoping it will be warm enough to go outside. Those who brave the cold come in frozen but happy. Then they take 10 minutes just getting their coats, gloves, scarves, earmuffs, etc. all hung up out in the hallways. There is always the one who needs to go back outside to get a lost glove. Is it really worth is? The ones inside take 5 minutes to decide on a game to play, then 5 minutes to get it all set up, and then only get to play for a minute before I remind them they need to get to the restroom. When they get back, the bell rings and they spend the next 10 minutes cleaning it up. Or they leave the game where they left it, thinking I don't know it is their game to clean up. Then they fight about who needs to pick up what......Again, is it worth it? To quote someone dear to my heart: OH MY STARS!!!!!
I had a special holiday time with my family. Even though we experienced the lose of my dad, it was great to have all of my family in the same state at the same time. I so much appreciated all your love and concern for me. Hearing you all ask "How are you doing, Mom," shows me you are thinking of my feelings. I hope you are all realizing just how important fathers are, and reminding yourselves how wonderful your own father is. As much as you love your father, I love mine the same. Fathers are there to pick you up when you are down, to keep you laughing when you need to see the bright side, to offer a shoulder when you need to cry, to open their hearts when you hurt. Even old mothers like me need a dad now and then. He will be missed. I will miss his stories, even though I could tell them all by heart. I will miss our talks about school. I loved to keep him up on all the happenings in school, the new trends, the demands of the job, etc. I know he enjoyed hearing what was going on. I will miss that. There are times that I hear or see something and think how much I would love to share that with Dad. And that makes the tears come again. Like right now. I learned in the 30 years without Mom, it really never gets easier, just gets normal. There are still times when I wish I had a mom to talk with, to give me advice, to show me how to solve a problem. No one ever takes the place of a mom or dad. I just hope, in some small way, to be the mom that my children will look to for advice, a talk, help with a problem. Someone that my children will miss when I am gone. I know their dad will be that man, because he is such a great guy, just like my dad.
OK........I need to stop that......
Just the Tuesday and Wednesday before Dad passed away, I spent the school days in Huntington working on a project with our assessment supervisor, otherwise known as Jon. (Cousin Jon Boy as he calls himself.) We are creating mid-year tests to be given to all the students in 3-6, to measure achievement in math and reading to prepare for the state tests. I am responsible for the third and fourth grade math tests, and will be required to create two summative tests for each grade level. These tests must match the state curriculum, which means a lot of research and test writing on the computers. Because we only had a two days to get an overview there, and to get a good start, we (the four of us on the committee)are expected to put in more days at home, not on school time. We will be paid for some extra career days, and have been given a new computer to work on. Now, my questions is this: Is this computer mine to keep? I don't know and I don't want to ask! As long as no one asks for it back, I will keep it on my desk. If it is still here after the tests are completed and approved, and no one asks for the computer back, then I will assume I get to keep it..........What you have to do to get a new computer!!! Is it worth it? I think so. (Just don't anyone tell Jon that I am questioning this. He might just take it back because I am so air-headed.)
One more resolution I have for this year: I will go back through my posts and add tags for the entries, so the tag cloud is more accurate. Just something simple for me.