Its Been a Looooong Time

It has been such a long time I forgot how to log into this space!  But I have been thinking of some things and feel I really need to keep a note of some of these thoughts I am having so I can come back and refer to them if needed later.  Facebook is great for quick things, but you can't search for specific things very easily, even in your own posting.  So I might just have to remember to write things here for my own reasons.

A few weeks ago my nephew forwarded a letter he received from his missionary.  I enjoy reading about Bo's missionary experiences and I appreciate receiving these updates from DeVon.  On this particular day Bo wrote something that really touched me and made me think.  It really wasn't very profound, and when I went back and re-read it I wondered why that touched me so much the first time I read it.  I guess I just really needed it that day.

Bo was talking about a person they were teaching.  The investigator asked the equestion why his life seemed to get harder when he was doing everything right?  When he accepted the invitation to come unto Christ, it seemed to get harder.  It made Bo think of Ether 12:27 "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me, for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

We need to humble ourselves enough to become more like Christ so he can make our weaknesses strong points and, in the end, make us all stronger.  He helps us turn our weaknesses into our strong points, but first we must come unto Christ and humble ourselves.  He wrote, "So if you are wondering why many things seem to go wrong when you are doing the right things, just remember that it is so that we can become stronger and become more like Christ!"

All those 'church answers' like praying, paying tithing, going to the temple, those things might be hard for us to follow.  But I think the weaknesses that are more challenging are even bigger things, things that maybe are more personal things, like kindness, understanding, service, caring, humility itself, When we are struggling with hard things in our life, whatever it might be, we need to turn to Christ and allow Him to show us our weakness, then ask Him to show us ways we can overcome that weakness.

I have been trying so hard to do better at doing what I should, but it seems like I am constantly hit with certain problems that never go away.  I just can't get a certain part of my life in harmony with gospel teachings.  I feel at a loss of what to do.

I feel the Lord is showing me things I need to do to overcome this problem.  I 'think' I am humbling myself, asking and waiting for answers, and following the inspiration or thoughts I am receiving, but things still upset me.  It isn't so much that things go wrong, but that it is hard to do what is right when I am dwelling on my upset feelings and what has caused me to feel that way.  That is one of my weaknesses.  I allow my mind to dwell on things in the past that I cannot change and then that taints my view of the present.  I need to remember that God's grace is sufficient for all men, especially those I feel have wronged me.  He is giving me plenty of opportunities to work on this weakness.  Hopefully I will be able to overcome this weakness and learn to be kinder and more understanding.  I just wish it didn't take so long!

Random Thoughts

This blog started with thoughts that came after the death of my good friend JoyLyn. Today I went to another funeral for another good friend and family member, Connie Ware. Connie worked at our school as a resource aide for about 25 years. She really loved the children and had a special place in her heart for all those who struggled to learn. She was very compassionate and loved to be love by them. I remember us laughing with her when she told the story of one little boy who looked at her so seriouslyand said when she sang she sounded like a horse. She laughed at that comment and never let us forget that she couldn't sing. She was very talented in art and loved to teach the students how to draw. She and I laughed together when one of our family did something really crazy, was was being stubborn. She would laugh and say "It's the Ware in them." I am going to truly miss Connie. But I know that she is feeling so much better now. She was in constant, terrible pain the past two years and is finally free from that painfilled body and her polio crippled leg. She was my son's second mother and a very good wife to my cousin. He stood by her side continually for the past 8 months. I am so glad I went to visit her on her birthday just two weeks before she passed away. I am so happy she is finally pain free again.

One of the family members who attended the funeral was Connie's cousin, Mack Wilberg, who has just yesterday been announced as the new conductor of the Tabernacle Choir. In a previous post I offered him my congratulations, but now it is official. Mack and I had a good visit while at the cemetary. He is still one of the most humble men I know. He very politely thanked everyone who came to shake his hand and give their congratulations. I am so honored to be able to call him my friend. As I said before, I can walk up to him and start a conversation just like we were talking yesterday. And I noticed he still laughs with a jiggle in his shoulders.

I have just been doing some serious thinking about life in general and what I want to work on in my own life. I know there are those out there who would be happy to tell me what I need to do to better myself, but I have plenty I am thinking about myself. I just need to remember one thing, no one is perfect and everyone can find fault if that is what they are looking for. I know I am far from perfect and have lots to work on to get better. And that is one of the reasons I am so thankful for repentance and the atonement of Jesus Christ.

I am reading another book about repentance and the atonement, knowing that I will never fully understand how it all works, but so grateful for the principle of repentence and the knowledge that I can work to become better. It doesn't matter if others don't want to allow me the chance to repent, and continue to think I am unacceptable. What matters most is that Christ is willing to help me overcome any obstacle, condition, or trait where I am lacking. He allows me to have my faults and helps me overcome them. I rely on His help daily and He is always there. Sometimes I struggle with knowing that He is near, but I am working on that as well. I am just thankful that He is not giving up on me yet.

Chapter 15, 16, 17.....

Just a side note before I start reviewing this chapter. The other day I got my daily message from LDS-Gem which really struck me because it is what we are reading in this book. Here it is:
"We are safe on the rock which is the Savior when we have yielded in faith in Him, have responded to the Holy Spirit's direction to keep the commandments long enough and faithfully enough that the power of the Atonement has changed our hearts. When we have, by that experience, become as a child in our capacity to love and obey, we are on the sure foundation."
Topics: Jesus Christ, Holy Ghost, Atonement

(Henry B. Eyring, "As a Child," Ensign, May 2006, 15-16)

Grandfather has been teaching Rick to become as a little child, which is just what President Eyring saying. When we can love unconditionally then the atonement can work in our lives.

Now, on to chapter 15. Rick is trying to connect the messages of Abigail and Jonah in his mind. He remembers "yes, the Lord has paid in full for others' sins, that was the point--that it may be helpful to think more often about how he has paid for others' sins rather than just dweling on how he has paid for our own." Maybe this is thinking of others and not ourselves as much. Rick outlines his thoughts about the atonement:
1. We are each of us sinners, entitled to nthing but hell and therefore utterly and equally dependent upon the mercies of the Lord. (Jonah)
2. I can receive the Lord's mercy--and the happiness, healing, and peace that attent it--only to the extent I extend the same to others. (Jonath).
3. The Lord mercifully removes any justification for failing to extend mercy to others. (Abigail)
A. For the Lord has taken the sins of others upon his own head and personally atoned for them. (Abigail)
B. What possible justification could there be for demanding more for others' sins than the Lord has given? (Abigail)
4. I can recover mercy by remembering (a) Abigail's offering, (b) the Lord's question to Jonah, and (c) my own sins, the memory of whch brings me to the Lord and invites me to rediscover his mercy and peace.
5. if I repent of failing to extend mercy, the Lord will supply me with everything I need and more--he will grant me his love, his companionship, his understanding, his support, He will make my burdens light.

Rick does some serious thinking when he gets upset with remarks Carol makes.
"My peace is not determined by others--whether they be righteous or ot--but by myself. Or rather, my peace is determined by whether I come to Christ myself. For when I come to him, he blesses me with his mercy, and basking in that mercy I find peace. Whether others come to Christ--Nineveh and Nabal, for example--will determine their peace but not mine." In his mind he continues to think that it would be easier to come to Christ if Carol were only better and then thinks about the Book of Mormon and how the Nephites came to Christ when things were hardest and their burdens greatest. He feels a voice from within telling him,"...you find it easier to sin toward those who sin toward you. But it is your sin, not theirs, that is the source of your struggle. Carol cannot keep you from me. Only you can. Your love faileth. Mine never will. Come cast off your sins and drink of my love."

Children love fully, despie the problems we create, because of their own purity from sin. And Christ, who suffered at the hands of every soul, nevertheless loves us perfectly, and this because He was perfectly free from sin himself.

Grandfather appears and hands Rick a book,(the description of this book is beautiful and should be read by everyone!) The words he reads are from 2 Nephi about the chains of hell. Grandfather tells him that he has been flattered by these very chains and that he needs to get rid of them if he is to be at peace.

There is so much coming up in the next chapters that I will need to stop here.

Chapter 7 Forgiveness

This chapter opened my eyes to things I have been wrong in thinking. What I read here totally changed my life. I have so much underlined in my book that it is difficult to decide what to discuss here.

Ricky starts out saying that he doesn't feel the Lord is helping him out with his burdens. How often have I felt the same thing? I have so much to worry about, so much I need help to endure? Where do I begin? Grandpa helps him see that if he doesn't see the Lord helping him, he isn't looking in the right place because the Lord is there. OK..hit me between the eyes! Am I the same way? If I don't see the Lord, where am I looking? That needs to be my question. I guess I need to work on that!

Grandpa goes on to say, "Although the Lord stands before us offering the help we need, there is a condition we must meet in order to see and receive of his atonement offering." When Ricky asks what that condition is Grandpa says he has to find out himself. Through his deep thinking and contemplating, Ricky discovers that Abigail took on herself the sins of Nabal. In that act she resembled the Savior. Grandpa says he is right, but there is more to it than just that. The second thing she did was the key to understanding. "It will illuminate what it means to have taken another's sins on one's own head." As he keeps recounting what happens, Ricky realizes that Abigail asked David to forgive her own trespasses. She didn't ask him to forgive Nabal's trespasses, but her trespasses, and she had done nothing wrong.

And so it is with the Savior. "Christ did the same--that having taken upon himself the sins of those who have wronged us, Christ now comes to us and asks us to forgive him the trespasses." This doesn't strike Ricky as being right. Why should Christ ask us to forgive him? He didn't do anything wrong. He doesn't need our forgiveness. Grandpa says, "That one who didn't need forgiveness nevertheless asked for it--illuminates something very important about forgiveness. It illustrates who forgiveness is for."....."Abigail asked for forgiveness not because she needed to be forgiven but because Davd needed to forgive."

"Abigail's message was that forgiveness was for the one who was forgiving, not the one who was being forgiven. David needed to forgive so that, in the words of Abigail, 'he would continue to be found without evil, so that the Lord could make him a sure house.'" Abigail took on the sins, was willing to pay the price, so David would not sin. If he forgave her, he would be free from the effects of holding grudges.

"The Lord, by taking the sins of our Nabals upon his head, extends us the same mercy. 'Upon me let this iniquity be,' he pleases. "let me deal with it if there is any dealing to be done. But you, my dear son or dear daughter, let it go. Let me take it, as I alreay have done. Forgive.'"

We know that the Lord isn't actually asking us to forgive him, but the atonement is like that is what he is asking. "Inas much as you have done it (or not done it) unto one of the least of these, ye have done it unto me."

This is what struck me so hard: "When we withhold forgiveness from others, we are in effect saying that the atonement alone was insufficient to pay for this sin. We are holding out for more. We are finding fault with the Lord's offering. We are in essence demanding that the Lord repent of an insufficient atonement. So when we fail to forgive another, it is as if we are failing to forgive the Lord--who, as you already rightly said, needs no forgiveness." (p. 66)

"You must repent of your own sin of failing to forgive." "The Lord has already forged forgiveness for her. What more could your forgiveness add?" "The atonement applies as much to (others) as it does to you, my son. I have claimed (their) sins and taken them upon me. Let it go." "You should consider how your failure to forgive is in effect a withholding from the Lord--he who has claimed and atoned for the sins and weaknesses in (others) that you insist on carrying with grudge." So what if the other person doesn't forgive you.....it doesn't matter. Not forgiving them is not really an option if we want to be free from sin. Although we can't be completely sinless in this life, we can at least work toward it.

Christ will show us what pain others are feeling. He wants us to see others as he sees and loves them. "He begs you not merely to ungird your sword but to ungird your heart. If you do, the miracle of his atonement will flow freely, and you, like David, will put down war and take up bread and drink and sheep and figs."

Here are some key points to remember:
1. The Lord has taken the sins of others on his own head.
2. He has atoned for those sins. Our failure to forgive is, therefore, in essence a witholding from the Lord.
3. If we grant this forgiveness in full, he atones in full for the pain and burdens that have come at others' hands.
4. He will bless us with his own love, his own appreciation, his own companionship, his own strength to endure.
If we have these, what more do we need?

I am far from perfect, and I have been "accused" (I say that lovingly) in my own family of too often saying, "Just forget what the other has done." Maybe I really knew that this is how true forgiveness can come. You can't feel good with yourself if you aren't willing to forgive. Withholding forgiveness causes us pain and suffering, heavy hearts, and saddness. We don't need that. The Lord has paid the price for the wrong they did to us. We need to forgive. For our own sakes. This is so important, but so hard.

I have been so blessed that some members of my family have learned to love this message, this book, as much as I. I feel our family relationships have improved so much. There are still others I pray will be able to see the importance of forgiving. It is not just for us, but for others as well. And in forgiving, we are so blessed. Everyone needs blessings. We shouldn't deny ourselves this freedom from the sin of not forgiving.

I am so thankful the Lord has blessed me with some amazing insights into the atonement. I have so much more to learn, but I feel I am beginning to see a little bit of what it really means.