The very first sentence Jesus taught his disciples in the sermon He gave on the mount was "Blessed are the poor in spirit; for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 5:3) Modern translation of these words from the literal language of the time tells us the 'poor in spirit' are those who are poor in pride, or humble in spirit. He is telling us that before anything else, comes a humble heart, ready to be taught.
It has always been difficult for me to understand the difference between 'pride' and good self-esteem. But Bro. Hudson explains it so I can understand. Satan wants us to have pride because it is the opposite of humility. Pride doesn't let us think we are not worthy, but that we are MORE worthy than others, that we deserve more, better, and best, for whatever reason. President Benson said" The proud depend upon the world to tell them whether they have value or not...It says, 'If you succeed, I am a failure." (Ensign May 1989 4)
I can 'humbly come before Thee now" as the song says , or say "I am very humbled to be here today", but if I say it thinking how lucky I am to be there, or how lucky someone is to have me there, I am not being humble. If I tell others all the nice things I am doing, all the scripture studying I am doing, all the private feelings I have, I am not being poor in spirit. To be poor in spirit I need to show that I realize Christ has given me so much, and recognize that it is because of Him that I have the things that I have, not because I have worked for them, or sacrificed for them, or purchased them with my hard-earned money, or read enough scriptures to be blessed with possessions, or any other type of self-inflated ideas. I need to recognize that Christ is the center of my life, that Christ is the giver of all things, and that I am eternally indebted to him for all that I have and am. And with that knowledge comes the responsibility to act in a proper way, to give, and be helpful to others. If I remember to do these difficult things, which I can do with the help of the Lord, I will have 'the kingdom of heaven."
If it was just that easy.
Showing posts with label Blessings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blessings. Show all posts
Monday, July 30, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Look Up
I had this post almost all composed and then it just disappeared! I know it sometimes automatically saves, but not this time. Perhaps that meant that I shouldn't have posted what was written, and I have been given another change to make it better. I hope that is what I am able to do.
We had a very touching lesson in Relief Society today. Since it was the 4th week our lesson was taken from the most recent General Conference issue of the Ensign, which is November 2011. The talk was given by Elder Carl B. Cook entitled "It Is Better to Look Up." You can find it on page 33.
I remember hearing this talk. He started out with a personal experience. Elder Cook was in the elevator in the Church Administration building and was looking down at the floor when the elevator stopped. He knew someone stepped on to the elevator and heart the person say "What are you looking at down there?" He recognized the voice as President Monson, so he quickly looked up. President Monson gently reminded him that it is better to "Look Up."
How many times do we forget this simple act? It is so easy to lose focus on what is truly important. We each have so many things going on in our lives, thing that weigh us down and cause us to loose focus. But as Elder Cook reminds us, by looking up to God we can redirect our focus to be healed and strengthened through Christ. In doing so, we will not "feel incapable of doing what we are called to do, or need to do. We will be strengthened, and our lives will be filled with peace and joy....The Lord will help us. But we must have the faith to look up and the courage to follow His direction."
In Alma we read: "O my brethren, if ye could be healed by merely casting abut your eyes that ye might be healed, would ye not behold quickly, or would ye rather harden your hearts in unbelief, and be slothful...Then cast about your eyes and begin to believe in the Son of God, .."
He ends with his testimony that "We are Heavenly Father's children. He wants to be a part of our lives, to bless us, and to help us. He will heal our wounds, dry our tears, and help us along our path to return to His presence. As we look to Him, He will lead us. ......Our burdens are lightened as we look to Christ, "Let us remember him...and not hang down our heads. (2 Nephi 10:20) for, as President Monson said, "It is better to look up."
With all the trials we are each asked to walk through, no matter how righteous our desires, how blessed we are, no matter what our wishes and hopes are, we have to remember that He knows each of us, not just us but everyone. He knows what is best for everyone. We just have to trust that we can learn for ourselves that He is in control. We need to remember to look up to see what He would have us do.
We were never promised that it would be easy. As simple as it sounds, it isn't easy. It wasn't easy for the Children of Israel to raise up their eyes and look at the serpent on the rod that Moses raised, even though they had been told that if they looked they would be saved. It wasn't easy, and many didn't do so. Those who looked were saved, and those who didn't were destroyed. We might not be 'destroyed' if we don't look up, but by going to church each week and partaking of the sacrament we are promised to 'have His spirit to be with us." That is a form of looking up. That will help us to focus on what is important. And even through it isn't easy, we can do it a bit at a time. Then, after we look to Him, He will be able to show us the blessings he has in store for us. Sometimes He sees the heartbreak that our wishes would cause us, sometimes He sees the blessings others needs from our actions, or the blessings we can give by service to others. But no matter what, He knows what is best for each of us. We just have to have the faith that He will do what is best. One sure way to show that faith is to "Look Up".
We had a very touching lesson in Relief Society today. Since it was the 4th week our lesson was taken from the most recent General Conference issue of the Ensign, which is November 2011. The talk was given by Elder Carl B. Cook entitled "It Is Better to Look Up." You can find it on page 33.
I remember hearing this talk. He started out with a personal experience. Elder Cook was in the elevator in the Church Administration building and was looking down at the floor when the elevator stopped. He knew someone stepped on to the elevator and heart the person say "What are you looking at down there?" He recognized the voice as President Monson, so he quickly looked up. President Monson gently reminded him that it is better to "Look Up."
How many times do we forget this simple act? It is so easy to lose focus on what is truly important. We each have so many things going on in our lives, thing that weigh us down and cause us to loose focus. But as Elder Cook reminds us, by looking up to God we can redirect our focus to be healed and strengthened through Christ. In doing so, we will not "feel incapable of doing what we are called to do, or need to do. We will be strengthened, and our lives will be filled with peace and joy....The Lord will help us. But we must have the faith to look up and the courage to follow His direction."
In Alma we read: "O my brethren, if ye could be healed by merely casting abut your eyes that ye might be healed, would ye not behold quickly, or would ye rather harden your hearts in unbelief, and be slothful...Then cast about your eyes and begin to believe in the Son of God, .."
He ends with his testimony that "We are Heavenly Father's children. He wants to be a part of our lives, to bless us, and to help us. He will heal our wounds, dry our tears, and help us along our path to return to His presence. As we look to Him, He will lead us. ......Our burdens are lightened as we look to Christ, "Let us remember him...and not hang down our heads. (2 Nephi 10:20) for, as President Monson said, "It is better to look up."
With all the trials we are each asked to walk through, no matter how righteous our desires, how blessed we are, no matter what our wishes and hopes are, we have to remember that He knows each of us, not just us but everyone. He knows what is best for everyone. We just have to trust that we can learn for ourselves that He is in control. We need to remember to look up to see what He would have us do.
We were never promised that it would be easy. As simple as it sounds, it isn't easy. It wasn't easy for the Children of Israel to raise up their eyes and look at the serpent on the rod that Moses raised, even though they had been told that if they looked they would be saved. It wasn't easy, and many didn't do so. Those who looked were saved, and those who didn't were destroyed. We might not be 'destroyed' if we don't look up, but by going to church each week and partaking of the sacrament we are promised to 'have His spirit to be with us." That is a form of looking up. That will help us to focus on what is important. And even through it isn't easy, we can do it a bit at a time. Then, after we look to Him, He will be able to show us the blessings he has in store for us. Sometimes He sees the heartbreak that our wishes would cause us, sometimes He sees the blessings others needs from our actions, or the blessings we can give by service to others. But no matter what, He knows what is best for each of us. We just have to have the faith that He will do what is best. One sure way to show that faith is to "Look Up".
Sunday, January 1, 2012
A New Year
If today is any indication of what the new year will be, it must be a great one! What a wonderful way to start out the year for me. I realize that not everyone is starting out the year with happiness and good things going on, but I sure did need the jump-start I got today.
First of all, we had a later church, so I didn't have to get up at my usual waking time to be to church by 9:00. I actually slept until about 7:30, when just did not much until time to get ready for church. We always leave for church about one-half hour before it is time for the meeting to start, at least that is our goal. I am usually at the organ and I like to be playing before people start coming into the chapel. And Garth has the calling to be an usher so he likes to be at his post early, so 10:30 was the time we wanted to go out the door. At almost 10:00 I was in the process of getting the final touches on myself when I realized we should have been listening to The Spoken Word while we were getting ready. I quickly turned on the TV and listened to the last song. Then we just kept watching as the next show came on. It was a new show to us, since we have been in church by this time during the past year. It is called Mormon Times and is hosted by Michelle King. She had a guest author on who was speaking about her book. I was sold on it as soon as she started to speak. It is called "Live Life...and See Good Days". She told that in her book she has 12 ways to see the good in every day, but today she focused on just three. She was full of scriptures that helped her make her points. Oh, to know the scriptures like she must! (I ended up finding the book at Deseret Book and got an ebook copy for less than $10.00! Can't wait to read it!)
Point #1 - Rise above what you are asked to do. I didn't get the scripture for this reference, but she talked about how the Lord will help us overcome any obstacle we are met with.
Point #2 - Let your heart have great experiences - Sometimes we have to allow our hearts to feel and experience the good in things.
Point #3 - List what you love - Alma did so in his writing, even though he went through many trials. In Alma 26:37 he is listing what good things he had, and how much joy he experienced, even through his trials. Ester spoke of her days of gladness. She showed her Grandmother's Happiness journal, where she wrote the things that made her happy. What a keepsake to have.
The show then went on to other things, but I went into the kitchen and looked through the latest Ensign. I read the article on page 17 from Bro. Todd Christofferson, about how we need to keep close to the Lord every day so we can get the blessing He has for us. He told how the people of Israel relied on the Lord giving them manna for their food each day. It took them 40 years to learn that the Lord will keep his promise of manna, of food enough for their substance, to learn that they can rely on the Lord in all things. He stressed that we also need to learn this lesson, that we can count on Him to give us the blessings we need when we learn to rely on Him and learn to go to Him with our needs. This just really struck me and gave me lots to think about.
We saw a really nice video on the writing of the Book of Mormon in Sunday. It was a seminary video, but helped me remember that the plates of gold are abridgements of larger plates, and who wrote each part of the Book of Mormon. I liked it and hope we can see more. It's been a long time since I have been to Seminary, and I know we didn't have fun videos like that! More like film strips!
Then, the frosting on the cake, came at Relief Society. I think it was meant just for me. Our Relief Society president said she was inspired to have her sister-in-law speak to us. I had noticed that most of the Law family was here visiting and was excited to get a hug from Janice Law, Dallin's wife. They always sit in front of us, and they are always kind to us and acknowledge us every time they visit. They know how special Bro. and Sister Law have been to our family. So when I heard she was giving the lesson I knew it would be special.
Janice spoke about trials she has had to overcome in her life and how her trials have helped her turn to Christ. Her main thought was spoken many times:
Whatever you focus on expands.
Truer words can not be spoken! She stressed that we should be careful what we think about because it will consume our thoughts and grow out of porportion to reality. You can find proof for what you look for. If you feel you have been slighted or mistreated and that is your focus, you will find all the proof you need to convince yourself, and others, that you are right. She told of a time when she felt down about things others had done, and she went to the Lord to find out what to do. Her answer was to "bury your weapons' or the things you use to hurt others or to keep your pain going. Just as the Book of Mormon people were told to bury their weapons so they wouldn't fight any more. She quoted Ezekiel 36:26-27 where the Lord tells us that He will give us a new heart, a new spirit. We need to pray to get that spirit and heart so that we don't feel the pain from others, and before we spread the pain on to others.
She stressed that putting our focus on Christ will help us overcome any negative thoughts we might have, whether they are about ourselves, or our lot in life. If we have difficult appointments we need to go to, if we focus on how the Lord can (and will) help us, we will see that the time will go much better. If we focus on how difficult it is, we will see that it is difficult. We need to put our focus on how He will help us, not how He tries us.
She gave us several pointers on how we can focus on Christ. #1 - Choose a street that you drive on every day, and decide that while you are on that street, or block, or area, that you will think about Christ. #2 - Think about Christ as you fall asleep, thinking of stories or scriptures about Him, or ways you felt close to Him that day. #3 - Tell yourself that you will think about Him at certain times of the day (doing dishes, or combing hair) and make it a habit. Moroni 7:33 If you have faith in Him, He will give you power.
She told how she was very hurt by something someone said, and how she wanted to call her mom, or her sister, or someone and tell how hurt she was. Then she decided to kneel and pray about her hurt, realizing that if you focus on anger it will get bigger, but if you focus on Christ and think of the other person also at the feet of Christ asking for forgiveness, it makes it a little easier to calm those hurtful thoughts. After Mormon had seen the terrible state of his people and the horrible things they were doing, he still wanted his son, Moroni, to remember how the Lord can lift you up. Moroni 9:25. If we are faithful to Christ, He will lift us upward. Another scripture she used was D&C6:36-37. Look unto Him in every thought, doubt not, fear not.
I really was impressed with the quote "Whatever you focus on Expands". I see that in so many parts of my life, and those around me. Some of those thoughts can consume us, while others help us to grow. No matter what situation we are in, we can look for good, and focus on good. Especially focus on how the Lord can help us. There is reason for everything, and He will help us find the lesson in all our situations. We just need to focus on Him.
First of all, we had a later church, so I didn't have to get up at my usual waking time to be to church by 9:00. I actually slept until about 7:30, when just did not much until time to get ready for church. We always leave for church about one-half hour before it is time for the meeting to start, at least that is our goal. I am usually at the organ and I like to be playing before people start coming into the chapel. And Garth has the calling to be an usher so he likes to be at his post early, so 10:30 was the time we wanted to go out the door. At almost 10:00 I was in the process of getting the final touches on myself when I realized we should have been listening to The Spoken Word while we were getting ready. I quickly turned on the TV and listened to the last song. Then we just kept watching as the next show came on. It was a new show to us, since we have been in church by this time during the past year. It is called Mormon Times and is hosted by Michelle King. She had a guest author on who was speaking about her book. I was sold on it as soon as she started to speak. It is called "Live Life...and See Good Days". She told that in her book she has 12 ways to see the good in every day, but today she focused on just three. She was full of scriptures that helped her make her points. Oh, to know the scriptures like she must! (I ended up finding the book at Deseret Book and got an ebook copy for less than $10.00! Can't wait to read it!)
Point #1 - Rise above what you are asked to do. I didn't get the scripture for this reference, but she talked about how the Lord will help us overcome any obstacle we are met with.
Point #2 - Let your heart have great experiences - Sometimes we have to allow our hearts to feel and experience the good in things.
Point #3 - List what you love - Alma did so in his writing, even though he went through many trials. In Alma 26:37 he is listing what good things he had, and how much joy he experienced, even through his trials. Ester spoke of her days of gladness. She showed her Grandmother's Happiness journal, where she wrote the things that made her happy. What a keepsake to have.
The show then went on to other things, but I went into the kitchen and looked through the latest Ensign. I read the article on page 17 from Bro. Todd Christofferson, about how we need to keep close to the Lord every day so we can get the blessing He has for us. He told how the people of Israel relied on the Lord giving them manna for their food each day. It took them 40 years to learn that the Lord will keep his promise of manna, of food enough for their substance, to learn that they can rely on the Lord in all things. He stressed that we also need to learn this lesson, that we can count on Him to give us the blessings we need when we learn to rely on Him and learn to go to Him with our needs. This just really struck me and gave me lots to think about.
We saw a really nice video on the writing of the Book of Mormon in Sunday. It was a seminary video, but helped me remember that the plates of gold are abridgements of larger plates, and who wrote each part of the Book of Mormon. I liked it and hope we can see more. It's been a long time since I have been to Seminary, and I know we didn't have fun videos like that! More like film strips!
Then, the frosting on the cake, came at Relief Society. I think it was meant just for me. Our Relief Society president said she was inspired to have her sister-in-law speak to us. I had noticed that most of the Law family was here visiting and was excited to get a hug from Janice Law, Dallin's wife. They always sit in front of us, and they are always kind to us and acknowledge us every time they visit. They know how special Bro. and Sister Law have been to our family. So when I heard she was giving the lesson I knew it would be special.
Janice spoke about trials she has had to overcome in her life and how her trials have helped her turn to Christ. Her main thought was spoken many times:
Whatever you focus on expands.
Truer words can not be spoken! She stressed that we should be careful what we think about because it will consume our thoughts and grow out of porportion to reality. You can find proof for what you look for. If you feel you have been slighted or mistreated and that is your focus, you will find all the proof you need to convince yourself, and others, that you are right. She told of a time when she felt down about things others had done, and she went to the Lord to find out what to do. Her answer was to "bury your weapons' or the things you use to hurt others or to keep your pain going. Just as the Book of Mormon people were told to bury their weapons so they wouldn't fight any more. She quoted Ezekiel 36:26-27 where the Lord tells us that He will give us a new heart, a new spirit. We need to pray to get that spirit and heart so that we don't feel the pain from others, and before we spread the pain on to others.
She stressed that putting our focus on Christ will help us overcome any negative thoughts we might have, whether they are about ourselves, or our lot in life. If we have difficult appointments we need to go to, if we focus on how the Lord can (and will) help us, we will see that the time will go much better. If we focus on how difficult it is, we will see that it is difficult. We need to put our focus on how He will help us, not how He tries us.
She gave us several pointers on how we can focus on Christ. #1 - Choose a street that you drive on every day, and decide that while you are on that street, or block, or area, that you will think about Christ. #2 - Think about Christ as you fall asleep, thinking of stories or scriptures about Him, or ways you felt close to Him that day. #3 - Tell yourself that you will think about Him at certain times of the day (doing dishes, or combing hair) and make it a habit. Moroni 7:33 If you have faith in Him, He will give you power.
She told how she was very hurt by something someone said, and how she wanted to call her mom, or her sister, or someone and tell how hurt she was. Then she decided to kneel and pray about her hurt, realizing that if you focus on anger it will get bigger, but if you focus on Christ and think of the other person also at the feet of Christ asking for forgiveness, it makes it a little easier to calm those hurtful thoughts. After Mormon had seen the terrible state of his people and the horrible things they were doing, he still wanted his son, Moroni, to remember how the Lord can lift you up. Moroni 9:25. If we are faithful to Christ, He will lift us upward. Another scripture she used was D&C6:36-37. Look unto Him in every thought, doubt not, fear not.
I really was impressed with the quote "Whatever you focus on Expands". I see that in so many parts of my life, and those around me. Some of those thoughts can consume us, while others help us to grow. No matter what situation we are in, we can look for good, and focus on good. Especially focus on how the Lord can help us. There is reason for everything, and He will help us find the lesson in all our situations. We just need to focus on Him.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
The End of an Era
As most of you know, Brother Law has been our home teacher for all the years we have lived in this ward, about 20 years. When the ward boundaries were changed one block south, we were moved to the Second Ward and he was assigned as our home teacher. We were blessed with his visits every month. I bet it doesn't take even five fingers to count the months he has missed. Except for those mission months. His companion, Ted, came without Bro. Law. Ted came with his wife Fae, or Al Lemons, or Dixon Peacock, but still came every month. Brother Law is still coming faithfully with Jae Hanson as his companion now. We have all grown old together. Our children grew up and out of the home, off onto their own lives. We have stopped kneeling down for prayer together because of our "old, but new" knees, and Bro. Law's age, but we still pray together. It is such a comfort to hear him pray for our family. We know we can call on him at any time. Since his health is beginning to worsen, we are concerned about his driving here, walking up the steps, and all the things that are now getting so difficult for him. But he is still a faithful home teacher. We laugh when he says if there is anything he can do, just let him know! We laugh because we all know there isn't much he can physically do for us, but he sure buoy's us up spiritually.
Bro. Law as served as the stake patriarch for many years. I'm not sure exactly when he was called to that position, but he has given several of our children their special blessings. Today in church, it was announced that a new stake patriarch has been called, Brother David Thompson from Castle Dale. I noticed the tears in Bro. and Sister Law's eyes. I am sure it has been difficult for him to give blessings lately. His hands shake so much, and his legs are weak, but his spirit is strong. I don't know if he will be giving blessings any more, but he will always be a patriarch. He was not released because it is a calling for life. He is a wonderful man.
My children had "Coach Thompson" for classes in the junior high school. He always asks about them by name, asking where they are and what they are doing. I know Nicky saw him several times while she worked at the care center where his mother lived. Coach has gone through some hard times in the past few years, the sudden death of his son was probably the hardest for his family. He has served as a high councilor for several years. I remember the last time he spoke in our ward I was really impressed with his message. He seemed so sincere and loving. I am sure he will be blessed with the spirit as he is called to give patriarchal blessings to the members of the stake.
Is it the end of an era? In a way. I can't remember a time in my life when the stake patriarch hasn't lived in Orangeville. The patriarchs I remember are Hal Cox, Roger Curtis, Harry Snow, and Ruane Law. There may have been some others but I don't recall any. Just a little bit of trivia.
Bro. Law as served as the stake patriarch for many years. I'm not sure exactly when he was called to that position, but he has given several of our children their special blessings. Today in church, it was announced that a new stake patriarch has been called, Brother David Thompson from Castle Dale. I noticed the tears in Bro. and Sister Law's eyes. I am sure it has been difficult for him to give blessings lately. His hands shake so much, and his legs are weak, but his spirit is strong. I don't know if he will be giving blessings any more, but he will always be a patriarch. He was not released because it is a calling for life. He is a wonderful man.
My children had "Coach Thompson" for classes in the junior high school. He always asks about them by name, asking where they are and what they are doing. I know Nicky saw him several times while she worked at the care center where his mother lived. Coach has gone through some hard times in the past few years, the sudden death of his son was probably the hardest for his family. He has served as a high councilor for several years. I remember the last time he spoke in our ward I was really impressed with his message. He seemed so sincere and loving. I am sure he will be blessed with the spirit as he is called to give patriarchal blessings to the members of the stake.
Is it the end of an era? In a way. I can't remember a time in my life when the stake patriarch hasn't lived in Orangeville. The patriarchs I remember are Hal Cox, Roger Curtis, Harry Snow, and Ruane Law. There may have been some others but I don't recall any. Just a little bit of trivia.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Spring Time
Reasons I love spring.
I love watching the trees get their first tint of green.
I love hearing the birds returning to our pretty little town.
I love watching my peonies jump up out of the ground and get big red buds, then count the days and weeks until the ants come out to chew open the tight leaves so they can finally pop open. (I learned that ants eat the peonies from my Grandmother Olsen, so don't put out ant killer until AFTER the peonies have fully blossomed.)
I love the smell of burning leaves and grass (but my lungs don't).
I love watching my roses start to get green.
I love seeing the water rising in the creek, knowing the water is being let out of the reservior.
I love seeing the grass being watered so it will green up.
I love standing in the warm sunshine at recess.
I love watching the popcorn popping on the apricot trees, and apple trees, and bushes, etc.
I love going outside without a coat or sweater.
Seeing my family coming to visit.
Weddings
Time to read.
Quiet time.
Reasons I don't like spring:
The wind, which never seems to stop blowing (Why don't we invest in those big windmillsThe wind, which dries out my eyes.
The wind, which makes standing on the playground at recess almost unbearable.
The wind, which dries out the trees and grass.?)
The wind, which blows the water over to my neighbor's lawn instead of staying on my lawn.
The wind, which blows the branches of the rose bushes against my house.
The wind, which brings my allergies to my nose and eyes.
Enough about the wind:
Other reasons I don't like spring:
My students get ready to leave me. (Some I am happy they are growing up and leaving me, some I am happy they are leaving me. Read it as you wish):)
State testing at school.
Cleaning up my classroom for the summer.
Trying to get everything back in place.
Inventory
Scheduling summer workshops (Reminds me that I really DON"T have the summer off, like so many people think teachers do.)
Seeing my own kids plan on moving away.
No time to read.
Too much quiet time, not enough quiet time.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Life Changing Experience
Some of the people whose blogs I look at have been writing about life changing experiences so I thought I might share a thought or two that I have. I know that many people have experiences that change their lives for the better, make them more cautious, more aware of others feeling, better wives and/or mothers, more worried, more self-assured, or any other emotion or quality. Our experiences are what make us US. I am a reflection of my own experiences, just as you are a reflection of your own experiences. I know the Lord gives us these experiences so we can gain knowledge that we might not otherwise have need to learn. I don't believe that the Lord uses our experiences as a punishment or to "teach you a lesson" in a negative way, but that through our experiences we can understand others and use our knowledge to help others in similar situations.
Yesterday was my sister's birthday and after talking with her I have been thinking a lot about one of my life changing experiences. We lost our mother when she (Mom) was only 45 years old. Yesterday was my sister's 45th birthday. She is the last of us four girls to reach the age our mom never lived past. I think that each of us had great anxiety as we approached our 45th birthdays. I know that many people lose parents at a young age, but when it happens to you it is hard to deal with.
I often feel jealous of my peers who have great relationships with their mother. I never got to that point in my life. Not that my relationship was bad, I think it was fine and normal for the age we both were. But I was just starting to get my family and I missed all those times of watching my mom with my children. I know I had a few more years of this than my sister had, but none of us had enough time. I remember calling Aunt Lorene, Aunt Barbara, Aunt Diane, or Grandma for advice, as well as my own mother-in-law. But no one can take the place of Mom. I reached out to others to fill that void, but it was never filled, even though so many were so kind and there when they were needed.
My own children know how difficult Mother's Day is for me. I know in my heart that my children needed to love ME on Mother's Day, but it was always so hard to sit in church and hear "girls" saying how they don't know what they would do without their mothers. YOU LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT! You get a new normal in your life.
Do you remember what it feels like when you have an infection on some part of your body? It seems like that part of your body is bumped more, hurts more, gets used more than any other part. Is it really that much more important that the other parts of your body, or is it just hurting more because it is there? Which ever part hurts, it just plain hurts. We can't compare our hurting hearts with others hurting hearts. We just know that our hearts hurt. My hurt is no worse or better than yours.
Yes, you miss so much, but you were chosen to experience this. Did the Lord "punish me" by taking my mother? Of course not. Was my mother "better off" in heaven than with me? That thought doesn't help take the pain away. I needed my mom, my sisters need their mom, my dad needed his wife. Wasn't there another way to learn whatever lesson we needed to learn? What can I take from that experience that might be helpful to others?
Losing a parent while you are still raising a young family is certainly a life-changing experience, just as losing a parent would be whether you are in your mid-50's, mid-40's or teens. It is something you have to deal with in your own way. I witnessed my Grandmother crying when she lost her child. It didn't matter to her that her baby was 45 years old. She didn't have enough time with her child. It still hurt, and it wasn't easy for anyone. Losing someone never is.
I know from the time Mom died I have been more afraid, for lack of a better word, more afraid of dying young myself. And now that I am "older" than she was, I am still afraid because I want to do so much still in my life. I had a cough this past year that did not go away all winter. Mom had a cough for several months before she went into the hospital. I worried, "Is this the same thing?" I was too nervous to go find out. Uncertainty was better than knowing. Did I deal with it right? Probably not. But I was scared, and didn't know how to handle it.
Avoidance was my own way of dealing. Tell me I was wrong, but that was my choice and my only way of dealing. I can't confront people, or events or things. That is just my way. I have found through my experiences that confrontation brings sorrow. As long as Mom was not in the hospital things were alright. I know that is wrong. She was sick before she went into the hospital. But when we didn't know what was wrong Mom was there. As soon as we found out what was wrong, she was gone. Confronting it brought sorrow.
There have been a few other times I have confronted people and it has always brought sorrow to me. I just don't want it. That is just my way and since this is my life I have to do what I need to do to face it. Did Mom's death change my life? Yes, in a big way. I had to learn to be the best mom I could without a living example, and I did the best I could, but I know it wasn't good enough. No one is ever good enough at what they want to do because no one is perfect.
I learned to depend on Christ to help me through the tough times, but even now I faulter at that as well. We all have our experience we need to deal with. I wouldn't trade mine for anyone else's. I can handle mine, I don't know how I would handle other problems. But then, some people say the same about losing a mom while young. The Lord doesn't say "You get the worst problems and you get easier ones." We have what we have. It is what we do with them that determines what we become.
I see my cousins battling with breast cancer and I wouldn't take that if I had the choice of it or Mom back. I see my neighbor bury his wife as a result of cancer and be left with 2 Downs Syndrome boys (Justin in the hospital with a broken leg as of today.). Would I like that problem instead of mine? No. I see my daughters with the blessings of their experiences with their beautiful children and I realize it has been so difficult and such life-changing experiences. I see family members with debt, divorce, health problems, struggles of all kinds. We can't compare problems, we can just learn to confront our own with faith and trust in the Lord. Only with His divine help can we see the blessings that are ours because of our life-changing experiences. The question is, did this experience change my life for the good or the bad. And who makes that choice?