A New Book

I recently purchased a book from Deseret Book for my iPad.  They advertised a new book written by the author of The Peacemaker.  I loved that book, and his other book The Holy Secret so I decided to get this one as well, and I haven't been disappointed. 

 Falling To Heaven has given voice to some things I have been thinking of for some time.  He talks about look down in order to look up, similar to President Monson's talk about looking up to get answers.  However, Brother Ferrell stresses that we much humble ourselves and look down, in the manner of praying, in order to see where we should be heading.  The introduction talks about how people tell us we should be happy with ourselves, but in reality, Jesus taught us to love others and forget about our self.  When the world tells us to stop being so hard on ourselves, to look at our strengths, Jesus says that He will show us our weakness.  And then our job is to make that weakness our strength. 

He then goes on to explain about the Truth in Contradiction.  Like in walking, we move forward because we push backward.  A good basketball rebounder doesn't move toward the basket, but away from it. For a golfer to hit the ball hard it sometimes helps to swing easy; to hit the ball high, swing down.  The scriptures say "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall fine it."  In Lehi's dream of the Tree of Life, the one thing that one group of people did when they tasted of the fruit, having held to the rod of iron,....."they came forth and fell down and partook oft he fruit of the tree."  They didn't reach up to get the fruit, they fell down.  They became humble and fell to the ground. The Zoramites raised themselves up on the Rameumptom (what a word!), thinking they would be closer to Christ, they were better than the poor souls around them.  They even prayed that they were thankful for how good they were!  They felt so good about what they were doing, how righteous they were.  But the Lord made it clear that this was not a good thing. 
 
In the next chapters he talks about how being down isn't always good, either.....Herein lies the Great Paradox.  How do we find the balance between down and up?  We shouldn't look down on others and say we are up ourselves.  We can't look up at others and say we are down on ourselves.  We have to realize that we are focusing on the Savior, seeing our weaknesses, and working to make them our strengths, and realize that the Savior is the one who will help us in all ways. 

I love the titles of the chapters:  The False Doctrine of Up; The False Burden of Down;Unacceptable and Acceptable Sins (Do you mean some sin is acceptable? No, but some people think so, or in other words, think their actions and words are acceptable when in realize they are sins.)  Superiority by Association (Don't we all know people who think if they associate with certain people they will become superior themselves, or they can now associate with certain people because they have reached a certain place in their lives where they are 'as good as them', leaving the rest of their associates behind in the dust?)

All these types of 'upness' are discussed throughout the book, with the emphasis on learning to overcome this in our own selves, or learning how to recognize it in others and therefore learn not to get 'down' on others who we see suffering from this upness.  While at the same time not thinking we are better because we don't have the upness because if we think we don't and that others do, we make ourselves better, again.  The Great Paradox.

Right now I am reading about how we sometimes withhold forgiveness at our own peril.  This goes along with my mantra  "Eternity depends on how we view those who mistreat us."  If we say we forgive someone but refuse to have any association with them (thinking of family, loved ones, workers, friends, etc.) we our self need to repent.  As Bro. Ferrell says "We are unwilling to pay the purchase price of forgiveness and are using it instead as a crass currency of exchange."  "Any withholding of love is itself a sin.  So to have held it back on account of what another has done is itself an act for which we must repent.  .......when I as the harmed party respond to this request by giving up my resentment and my grudge, what I am doing is repenting--repenting of my failing to love.  Forgiveness is simply the word we use to describe this kind of repentance....This is the most crucial type of repentance of all.   "  He talks about how the Lord's example of prayer, known as the Lord's Prayer, has only one item that has a condition...""Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors."  And right after Christ closed his prayer he taught "your heavenly Father will also forgive you; But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

 If we withhold our love, our association, our friendship, or our family ties from others because of their sins, we have not truly forgiven.  We may say we have forgiven them, and we probably have, but we need to forgive ourselves for withholding that love that Christ says we must show for everyone.

Why do I gravitate to books that force me to look at myself and see where I need to forgive?  I know it is because I hold some strong feelings toward others and need to let them go so I can become a better person.  My book is striped with highlighted comments, which is wonderful because then I can go back and read what I have been thinking about.  I love the interactive scriptures as well because I can then mark in my scriptures the verses that are brought to life. 

I am anxious to read Bro. Bednar's book "Increase in Learning".  I am so thankful that the church leaders feel the need to write books to help us.  Reading their words and looking up the scriptures they use to bring out their points, helps me in my scripture study.  I love reading the scriptures, but reading them in context with the words of the apostles and other people who teach through the scriptures helps me see ways I can apply the scriptures in my life.  I get so much 'pondering' done when I read books along with the scriptures, and then write about my thoughts. 

If you are looking for a good book, I suggest "Falling to Heaven: The Surprising Path to Happiness" by James Ferrell.

Chapter 22, 23 Review

It is time for another chapter review of my favorite book. By the way, I was at school from 3:00 - 9:00 yesterday for parent/teacher/student conferences. Since we didn't have scheduled appointments and not many showed up (could it be cause they got good grades and no concerns?), I spent some time checking through my e-mail messages and found that DeseretBook had a great sale going on. There is a new book by the author of The Peacegiver", so I ordered it, along with........ to much time on my hands, get away from the computer!

Chapter 22 Light in the Darkness
Grandpa tells Ricky that when he suffers only for himself he is suffering in vain. That he should care more about how others are feeling. "Blessed are you in this new suffereing, for we truly are responsible one to another......As you come to feel fully responsible for the sufferings of those you love, the Lord will take the pain of it from you."
There is a beautiful parallel of the two gardens, Gethsemane and Eden. The person in each garden was sinless, the events in each garden center on exercising agency. Adam had to partake of the fruit, and the Savior, the cup. They both had a choice. "Both partook that man might be." Adam learned to know good and evil, the Savior learned all of the good and eavil that was in the hears of men in all generations. Because of Adam's choice death came into the world, because of the Savior's choice, we are freed from death.
Grandpa tries to explain to Rick just how the Savior suffered, but with our limited use of words it is very difficult. "He suffered for our sins" is just a small part of what happens in the Garden. He tells us that "the far deeper problem is that by choosing to engage in sinful acts, our hearts become sinful, letting Satn gain power over us. We end up losing the very thing that is essential if ever we are to be able to be cleansed and find our way back to him: the desire and ability to choose to follow the Lord." The greater problem is our hearts. Where do we place our hearts?

Chapter 23 - An Agony
Grandfather is explaining how the Savior had to take all the pains of our sins, or the chains that bind us. The beginning of this chapter was very difficult for me to understand. But the sentence that really hit me is "On this night in Gethsemane, Satan is only one sin away from holding all creation in his hand." Do we really understand how important this night was? It is easy to say, yeah, I understand, and go on with our lives. If it is hard for me to withstand temptation, even the littlest things, how great the Savior must be to withstand all temptations. It is so hard to comprehend, as least for me.
But he did overcome all temptation that night, and now He asks us to accept his gift to us. "He comes to each of us, posing the question he posed to Jonah, pleading with us, as Abigail did, to forgive, and literally dying to give us his Spirit and the new heart he has forged that will free us from the chains of our sins. If we harden not our hearts and stiffen not our necks against him, he will facilitate the breaking of our sinful, stony hearts and will give us what Ezekiel called his new 'heart of flesh,' saving us from all our uncleannesses. This is the miracle of Gethsemane."

I have a lot to learn about the Atonement. So much I don't understand.

Chapter 21 Of Repentance

Why have we given repentance a "bad name"? Since it is something we all need to do every day of our lives, why do we look at it like "Oh, no, they must have done something wrong if they need to repent!" We should always be in the act of repenting because no one is perfect. The Lord has said we must become submissive like a little children, and put off the natural man. That tells me I need to repent all the time. We need to throw off the chains that bind us.
This chapter helped me see that no matter what we do, we must rely on the Savior to help us. We must feel sorrow and humility. We must have "a desie to repent, not just of unrighteous acts, but of an unrighteous heart. Openness to whatever may be required of you."
Grandfather then prays for Ricky. This is a great model of prayer and helps me remember that when I talk with the Lord I need to be specific. He tells the Lord how much he loves Ricky and asks Him to "sustain Ricky in his pain that it may work to his salvation." This is a new thought to me. Sometimes we need help to see that our pain can lead us to Christ. "May he descend to the depths of humility. May thou show him the extent of hs sins." No one likes to see what they are doing wrong. But if it helps us become better, we should be thankful for that.
Grandfather also asks for the Father to give him a new heart. "Mayest thou take away the stony heart out of his flesh and grant unto him the pure heart and the peace that are promised to those who come unto thee. May he remember Abigail, and be able to extend mercy to Nineveh." It is difficult to ask for a new heart, to admit that our hearts are in the wrong place, but it is so needed.
Grandfather also prays for the Lord to help Carol and the children because they are hurting. He thanks the "Dearest Father ....... and for his infinite atonement we praise they holy name forever."
This is a beautiful plea for help for a loved one. It is also my prayer for me and my family.

Chapter 20 Of Sin

In this chapter Grandpa again shows Rick how we commit sin when we "blame" others for what we choose to do. Does that make it "less sinful?" They discuss Adam's response when he answers to the Lord that he is hiding because he is naked and the Lord asks "What is this thing which thou hast done?" 'Adam and Eve didn't think they had done wrong--or if they had, they felt like it was somehow okay or at least less bad because someone else caused or provoked them to do what they did.' Isn't that what we (I) are (am) sometimes like? It only took Adam to sin once and he was trying to justify his actions. Do we somehow lose sight of the Lord and our need for him?
"It's interesting that Adam remained clear on Eve's need for the Savior. He retained the ability to recognize others' sins. And yet even this ability became perverted, for he began to see others' sins as somehow an exoneration of his own. This kept him from fully contemplating his own sins and therefore kept him from turning fully to the Savior--or at least, it would have."
As quoted in the book: "struggling with our own 'beams's as we discussed before, we being to become obsessed with others' 'motes.'"
I need the Lord to help me see my own problems as others see them. I know I get defensive and don't think I have anything to repent of, when in reality, we all have things we need to work on. And I need His help in understanding others needs to let me know what I can do better for them.

Chapter 19 Agency in the Balance

What is "agency"? The traditional answer is "the right to choose" but at the very beginning of this chapter this definition is challenged and really got me thinking. So many people have their choices taken away from them. As I read this I was thinking of someone like Elizabeth Smart. She was taken away from her family, chained up, all her choices taken from her. Did she lose her agency? We are told our free agency will never be taken away but in so many cases we don't have choices. So what is the Lord's definition of agency?

Grandpa in this story helps us see that "Agency, as used in the scriptures, is the capacity to choose who we will follow - The Lord of Light or the Lord of Darkness. That is the choice that was at stake in the premortal realm. And it is a choice we retain here." He goes on to explain "....we can exercise our agency in such a way that we end up losing it as well. Part of having agency is having the agency to give it away...by giving Satan such iron hold upon our hearts that nothing but the merits of the Son of God can break us free."

Ricky and Grandpa go on to explore how our own actions chain us in such a way that we give up our agency and turn toward Satan. We sometimes "....feel so committed to the justice of (our) own course that (we) are refusing to turn until too late..." Do we sometimes think that our way is the right way and that we can't change our feelings, even when we know that Christ would probably think we should do or think something else, that we are no longer sure any change is possible? "If that isn't proof of the loss of agency and the chains of sin, what is?" "You feel that your feelings and thoughts are thrust upon you ......Satan has told of your heart, my boy, and he desires to destroy you" Is this like "......you did this.....and so I am upset.......and now I am justified in feeling this...or thinking this.....and it is all your fault"? When others make me do it, are we giving up our agency to them? Do we try to protect ourselves from the harm we suppose others are sending our way, and in that process say or do something that leads us away from Christ?

Adam yielded to temptation and therefore became subject to Satan's will. "Satan leads captive at his will those who 'do not hearken unto the Lord's voice." By choosing to do or say something contrary to Christ's example, we are listening to temptation from Satan and handing our agency over to him.

Ricky then asks Grandfather to explain how that can happen. How can a single act subject us to Satan. "If that were the case, we'd all be subject to his will." And Grandfather explains that is just the point. We are all subject to his will. Do we always do what we know we should? Do we love, or forgive, or pray like we know we should?....Even in the face of knowledge, we choose away from the Lord. We find ourselves falling away from the diligent living of his commandments, and from the desire to fully live them. 'We receive our wages of whom we list to obey.'"

I have spent the night thinking of what I want to do to 'get even' with others. Is it because I want them to feel hurt and sad like I am feeling? Is that what Christ would have me do? Just because I feel justified and that I have a right to be hurt, should I pass that along? I think that Christ would sit me down and tell me to just let it go, don't make it worse by making more demands that others do things my way. Don't force others to do things my way because I would then be following in Satan's desire. Of course, that would only apply to our interpersonal relationships with other adults. There are times when parents raising children must set boundaries or rules or curfews for their children......"No, you can't climb on the table." Things like that. But as adults with all the abilities and rights to choose our own thoughts and actions, and the accountability to do the right things, do we sometimes put "rules" out for others when we should really put them on ourselves?

When I require others to submit to my will, aren't I giving away my own agency? Perhaps an example like this: "You must take off your shoes before you come into my house." Perfectly within your right to request...It is your house and you can set the boundaries or requirements. But the real issue comes when someone doesn't take off their shoes in your house. How do you react? Do you say "They are terrible and won't follow my requests or rules". Do you shun the disobedient person. Or do you just put your arm around them and welcome them anyway? What would Christ have us do? If others don't follow our own preset ideas, how do we react? Perhaps this is the key to our agency. Even though I set my own rules of the game, am I quietly and without thinking, letting Satan bind me with his chains. After all, they are my rules so I can do what I want, can't I? If you break my rules, too bad, that was your choice and you can live with the consequences of your choice. You chose to break my rules so live with it. Is this giving Satan our agency?

Something for me to think about. Of course, then my consequences would depend on me. If I truly love someone and I know what their rules are, I will try to do as they ask as long as it doesn't go against my personal beliefs. I will take off my shoes when I know it is important to you because I care about your feelings and you are important to me. I will show that love and respect because my relationship with you is much more important than proving I can do as I please and walk around with my shoes on. I would much rather show you I love, care, and respect you. I think that is what Christ would like me to do.

And then the consequences are back on me for my choices. That is where it should be. I can't control others, only myself. I need to let go of my desire to control others. I can only control myself. I must keep my agency by allowing others their agency. Then I work to show Christ that I am choosing his way. I don't want to be bound to Satan by binding others.

Chapter 18 The Chains of Sin

I really did a lot of thinking when I first read this chapter. It has a very graphic description of what "hell" must be like. And how easy it is to be lead down the path to hell by the little things we do. Moses 7:26 "And Satan looked up and laughed, and his angels rejoiced." How terrible that would be if they were rejoicing over something I did! Rick realizes that the flaxen cords he has seen are his own sins and pleads with Grandfather to show him how to get away from their grip. What little things are bringing us down? What do I need to let go of, what feelings and memories that can't be changed are bringing me down? Harboring feelings about the past will only weigh me down more. I need to work to be away from something that is pulling me down. I don't want to be the source of joy for Satan's angels. I would rather have the love of the Savior as I work to get rid of my sins.

Chapter 15, 16, 17.....

Just a side note before I start reviewing this chapter. The other day I got my daily message from LDS-Gem which really struck me because it is what we are reading in this book. Here it is:
"We are safe on the rock which is the Savior when we have yielded in faith in Him, have responded to the Holy Spirit's direction to keep the commandments long enough and faithfully enough that the power of the Atonement has changed our hearts. When we have, by that experience, become as a child in our capacity to love and obey, we are on the sure foundation."
Topics: Jesus Christ, Holy Ghost, Atonement

(Henry B. Eyring, "As a Child," Ensign, May 2006, 15-16)

Grandfather has been teaching Rick to become as a little child, which is just what President Eyring saying. When we can love unconditionally then the atonement can work in our lives.

Now, on to chapter 15. Rick is trying to connect the messages of Abigail and Jonah in his mind. He remembers "yes, the Lord has paid in full for others' sins, that was the point--that it may be helpful to think more often about how he has paid for others' sins rather than just dweling on how he has paid for our own." Maybe this is thinking of others and not ourselves as much. Rick outlines his thoughts about the atonement:
1. We are each of us sinners, entitled to nthing but hell and therefore utterly and equally dependent upon the mercies of the Lord. (Jonah)
2. I can receive the Lord's mercy--and the happiness, healing, and peace that attent it--only to the extent I extend the same to others. (Jonath).
3. The Lord mercifully removes any justification for failing to extend mercy to others. (Abigail)
A. For the Lord has taken the sins of others upon his own head and personally atoned for them. (Abigail)
B. What possible justification could there be for demanding more for others' sins than the Lord has given? (Abigail)
4. I can recover mercy by remembering (a) Abigail's offering, (b) the Lord's question to Jonah, and (c) my own sins, the memory of whch brings me to the Lord and invites me to rediscover his mercy and peace.
5. if I repent of failing to extend mercy, the Lord will supply me with everything I need and more--he will grant me his love, his companionship, his understanding, his support, He will make my burdens light.

Rick does some serious thinking when he gets upset with remarks Carol makes.
"My peace is not determined by others--whether they be righteous or ot--but by myself. Or rather, my peace is determined by whether I come to Christ myself. For when I come to him, he blesses me with his mercy, and basking in that mercy I find peace. Whether others come to Christ--Nineveh and Nabal, for example--will determine their peace but not mine." In his mind he continues to think that it would be easier to come to Christ if Carol were only better and then thinks about the Book of Mormon and how the Nephites came to Christ when things were hardest and their burdens greatest. He feels a voice from within telling him,"...you find it easier to sin toward those who sin toward you. But it is your sin, not theirs, that is the source of your struggle. Carol cannot keep you from me. Only you can. Your love faileth. Mine never will. Come cast off your sins and drink of my love."

Children love fully, despie the problems we create, because of their own purity from sin. And Christ, who suffered at the hands of every soul, nevertheless loves us perfectly, and this because He was perfectly free from sin himself.

Grandfather appears and hands Rick a book,(the description of this book is beautiful and should be read by everyone!) The words he reads are from 2 Nephi about the chains of hell. Grandfather tells him that he has been flattered by these very chains and that he needs to get rid of them if he is to be at peace.

There is so much coming up in the next chapters that I will need to stop here.

Chapter 14 Waiting For an Answer

In this chapter Grandpa is trying to get Rick to see that we are commanded to love as the Savior did, unconditionally. "He commands us--no matter who our fathers and mothers may be--to love, just as he was able to, those who despitefully use us and persecute us. And if he commands us to lvoe in just that way, then it's pretty important that we understand why he was able to do so himself." Grandpa tries to get Rick to see that we should do no wrong to those who are hurting us, or who are creating difficulties for us. He draws our attention back go Jonah. "He is a bitter man at the moment. He thinks he is in the 'right' here. In fact, he is so convinced of it, he's willing to face off against the Lord. His is the cause of justice. Meanwhile, the Lord's question hangs in the air, "Should not I spare Nineveh?' What do you suppose would happen, Ricky, if Jonah were to give up his belligerence and answered, both in word and feeling, 'Yes!'? Do you suppose he would sit the same way under those sticks? Do you suppose his countenance would remain sour? Do yousuppose he would continue to curse at the sun? Do you suppose he would feel the way he currentlydoes about Nineveh?"
His world would change, wouldn't it-not because he would be perfect but because he would recognize in that moment that he has no claim to perfection in others, that his and others' hopes rest entirely on mercy, that he is entitled to nothing and grateful for everything. In that moment, he wouldn't become perfect, but he would become innocent because he would have allowed the Lord's offered mercy to well up inside of and change him into a new man, free from the clutches of sin."
The message here is so deep it is hard to explain but so easy to feel. Are we demanding justice and denying mercy? It isn't just about a couple's love dying, but about our own love to other people in our lives. Do we think that we are better than they are and therefore justified in keeping our love from them because of something THEY have done? We need to learn to love unconditionally as the Savior did. We need to see others as the Savior sees all of us.

Chapter 13 Mercy in the Balance

We left Rick and his grandfather discussing how we sometimes fail to recognize our own sins, and not willing to give them up. Sometimes we don't see how merciful others have been to us. Many times we feel entitled to something, when we should be the ones giving. Rick gets upset because he feels his wife isn't giving enough love to him. In fact, she admits that she is weak and needs him to carry the load right now,but he resents that. He tells her that she needs to learn to love by loving others, but in that statement he is not showing love himself. He is making his love contingent on her love. Grandfather is trying to show Rick that he is demanding from Carol exactly what he feels she is demanding from him. Taking that aspect away from the marriage situation and put it simplying into a family situation....Am I not feeling love towards a family member simply because I'm not feeling they love me? Am I withholding concern because I want them to show concern for me? It is tough to look at sometimes. I don't know how to reach through and show the love I do feel. Am I afraid of being hurt again by someone I feel should love me? Am I afraid to step out because I might get hurt? I know I am. I don't want to be hurt by people I love, or people I feel should love me. I don't want to see that they really don't love me. I want their love and am afraid that if they don't show love to me I will feel despair again. So am I making my love and care contingent on their love for me? Right now I am not sure if I can change my fear of that rejection. Family members tell me "I wouldn't put myself in that position any more." But what does that say about me? That my feelings of hurt and rejection are more important than showing love and concern unconditionally? I just don't know how to answer some of these questions.

Chapter 12 A Merciful Question

Rick sees Jonah after he preaches to the people of Nineveh. Grandfather tells him that Jonah likes to preach of their destruction because he wants them to be destroyed. The worse they feel, the happier it makes HIM feel. But, to his surprise, they repent and are saved from destruction! Jonah asks that the Lord dishes out his punishment as He said he would. But when the Lord doesn't (because they repented at the last minute) Jonah gets angry. This is where the story of Jonah ends. The Lord asks Jonah a questions and He is left waiting for the answer. The stops because Jonah's answer is only important to Jonah, not us. What is important to us is our answer to the Lord's question. Rick asks, "What's the question?" His father responds with "Should not I spare Nineveh?"
When we want "punishment" to come to someone, and the LORD feels they have repented, should He continue to "punish" them?
Grandfather lays out the sequence of events for Rick to see before him:
1. The Lord commands Jonah to preach against the wicked Ninevites.
2. Jonah sins, not wanting Nineveh to be saved.
3. Jonah reprents and the Lord saves Jonah.
3. Nineveh repents and the Lord saves Nineveh.
2. Jonah sins, not wanting Nineveh to be saved.
1. The Lord asks Jonah: Should not I spare Nineveh?
The discussion continues with the form of writing called "chiasms." What I thought was interesting was when Grandfather said he didn't know anything about this until he came HERE, which tells me we still learn while in heaven.

Grandfather continues to guide Rick to see that if he deserves forgiveness, then so did Nineveh, and if they shouldn't be spare, whom else should not be spared?
"Youyre saying that if Jonah can't be happy at the thought of Nineveh's salvation, then he makes HIMSELF unworthy of salvation."

But as Grandfather reminds him, everyone is unworthy of salvation. Salvation is an act of mercy. Mercy can be extended only to those who are willing to extend it themselves. Isn't that a grand statement? If we want mercy and forgiveness, we must extend it to others. That is what we are here for, to learn to forgive. I have need of forgiveness, so therefore, I must forgive others.

Grandfather also explains that the important verses of the Book of Jonah appears in the middle of the center eements of the chiasm, with 24 verses preceding it and twenty-three verses following.

Quote from the book: "Jonah sits in that booth observing lying vanities: He has forgotten his own prior sin; he has forgotten the mercy extended to him by the mariners, who tried to spare him even when they knew he was the cause of their troubles; he has forgotten the ultimate mercy of the Lord, who delivered him even though he didn't deserve it; and he is therefore blind to his own"Nineveh-ness" - to how he, himself, is Nineveh. Failing to see moercifully, his heart, mind, and eyes are lying to him. All he can see is that he is 'right,' 'entitled,' 'deserving.' Observing 'lying vanieties,' he is in danger of 'forsaking his own mercy.' And feeling no personal mercy, he is locked in despair."

As Grandfather says, is there any way "I" am forgetting my own sins? Any way I am not seeing the mercies that others have shown to me? Any way that I am forgetting the Lord? Any way that I have become blind to my own Nineveh-ness? Any way that I persist in feeling entitled?

My own escape from despair lies in my answer to these questions. So why is it so hard to answer? Because I am afraid if I answer one way I am not being truthful myself. How do I know which way I am? Not that I am "entitled" but that I am innocent in some ways others think I am not. Does that make me "un-humble"?

I see things going on in my own family that I know are mistaken judgements, and what can I do about it? By trying to help others see am I closing my own eyes? I just don't know how to come to a conclusion about it. I am standing at the fork in the road and just don't know which way to turn.

Chapter 11 What We Deserve

So what is all this leading to? I had a difficult time figuring that out, too. What do we deserve?
So how could Jonah be Nineveh? Grandpa takes time to show Rick just how Jonah is like Nineveh, in the only way that really matters.
"Jonah feels that Nineveh doesn't deserve to be seaved. That's why he's running. But guess who else doesn't deserve to be saved?" Us....and Jonah.
"If Jonah demands that everydoby gets only what they deserve, then he must also accept what HE deserves, and that is what he is getting."
Rick thinks about his wife, be we can all think about anyone who we feel is treating us wrongly. We deserve better. We don't "deserve" anything, we aren't "entitled" to it just because of who we are. "The truth is that there is only one thing we truly deserve, and that's to be sent to hell." Because of the Savior's atonement, we are offered more than what we deserve. His atonement is given, not because we deserve it, but because He loves us.
Rick still doesn't see why Jonah is wrong. Grandfather explains that Nineveh being righteous is important only to Nineveh, not to Jonah. By thinking we are better than someone else, we are more like like Nineveh than the people in Nineveh. But what if the other people really are more wicked than we are?
If we indeed are more righteous, we would never THINK we are, because by THINKING we are better, we are worse. Kind of like humility. You can never admit you are Humble because then you aren't.
The question isn't who is better or worse. We each have to work out our own salvation. We need to work on ourselves. We need to stop getting upset at little things others do and work on ourselves. Ourself is what is important to us. We can't change others, only ourself.

Chapter 9 &10 The Cause of the Storm, and Who We Are

As I read further into the book I didn't underline or mark as much as I did at the front. It seemed to be a bit harder to connect with, but still has such an interesting message.
At the beginning of this chapter Rick is on a boat. He learns he is on a boat to Tarshish, in what we now know as Spain but the westernmost point of the old world. When he asks his grandfather why he is there Grandfather tells him that he is getting what he deserves, just like he asked for.
The boat is in a big storm, so wild that the men begin to throw cargo overboard to keep it upright. The men finally call to the gods to deliver them from the storm. As the storm progresses they determine that some of the men have caused the storm because of their wickedness and that they need to be thrown overboard in order to save the rest of the ship. The man who they choose to pay the price says, "My name is Jonah, son of Amittai. The lot has been well cast. I have offended the God of heaven and earth." He explains that he was told by the Lord to go to the Assyrians in Nineveh, to give them a warning, but he would not go because they were so wicked. So he ran away from the Lord and didn't do as commanded. This was the cause of the "calamity." "The God of heaven and earth is wroth."
The men ask him where he is from and who is the God he worships. He replies that he is a Hebrew and worships Jehovah, the God of heaven. He says he is commended to die because he has offended the Lord. He tells the men to cast him into the sae and then the sea will be calmed. But the captain says "We will not add to our troubles with your blood." They try to get out of the storm but finally decide they have no choice but to save themselves by casting Jonah into the sea.
Chapter 10:
Grandfather helps Rick see what it means to flee to Tarshish. Rick thinks it means to run from the Lord, but Grandfather wants to know WHY he was fleeing from the Lord. Jonah didn't want to go, and he didn't like the Ninevites because of what they had done to his people and what they were going to do.
Nineveh didn't deserve to be saved. And Jonah, one of those who had been mistreated by them, didn't deserve to be required to go help them.
Ricky asks Grandfather, "So you are saying I am upset because I think I deserve better than I'm getting, and in that respect I'm like Jonah." As he thinks about it, he agrees that perhaps he is like Jonah. It beats being Nineveh. In response, Grandfather says, "Actually, Ricky, that's who you are."
"Who?"
"Nineveh."
"I'm Nineveh?"
"Yes."

Chapter 8 The Storm Continues

On the second page Ricky outlines three things he learned from his grandfather:
1. "Christ took upon his own head the sins of those who have wronged us."
2. "Because of this, he stands between us and those whom we think have wronged us, asking us to realize that the atonement is sufficient for those sins and to therefore repent of our grudges and give up our enmity." (I think I need a better understanding of enmity.)
3. "If we forgive, the atonement fills us with what we have lacked and either washes away our pain, or sustains us in it."
Ricky's thinking and analyzing leads him to think that maybe we sometimes don't want to feel the relief of the pains of sin. Maybe we don't want the pain and suffering to go away. He thinks that if we don't think both parties of a problem don't think it will happy, then you don't really want it to happen but you want something else. And if we don't want the pain, why do we keep allowing it?
In the story, Rick and his wife are having problems, but it could be family problems of any kind, or any relationship problem. If we feel the other person doesn't understand us, or they aren't listening to us, why do we just turn a deaf ear to them? Why don't we try to understand? What do we want instead of understanding? Rick insists he doesn't deserve the way she it treating him. A voice asks him, "So you only want what you deserve, do you?" "Are you sure you'd be willing to live with that?"
Maybe that is another great question. Sometimes we think we deserve more, but do we really? Are we as innocent as we think we are? We all need to look inside ourselves and see what others see. Each of us. I need to see what you feel, and at the same time, you need to feel what I feel. We need to decide for ourselves what we deserve. And it might not be very much.

Chapter 7 Forgiveness

This chapter opened my eyes to things I have been wrong in thinking. What I read here totally changed my life. I have so much underlined in my book that it is difficult to decide what to discuss here.

Ricky starts out saying that he doesn't feel the Lord is helping him out with his burdens. How often have I felt the same thing? I have so much to worry about, so much I need help to endure? Where do I begin? Grandpa helps him see that if he doesn't see the Lord helping him, he isn't looking in the right place because the Lord is there. OK..hit me between the eyes! Am I the same way? If I don't see the Lord, where am I looking? That needs to be my question. I guess I need to work on that!

Grandpa goes on to say, "Although the Lord stands before us offering the help we need, there is a condition we must meet in order to see and receive of his atonement offering." When Ricky asks what that condition is Grandpa says he has to find out himself. Through his deep thinking and contemplating, Ricky discovers that Abigail took on herself the sins of Nabal. In that act she resembled the Savior. Grandpa says he is right, but there is more to it than just that. The second thing she did was the key to understanding. "It will illuminate what it means to have taken another's sins on one's own head." As he keeps recounting what happens, Ricky realizes that Abigail asked David to forgive her own trespasses. She didn't ask him to forgive Nabal's trespasses, but her trespasses, and she had done nothing wrong.

And so it is with the Savior. "Christ did the same--that having taken upon himself the sins of those who have wronged us, Christ now comes to us and asks us to forgive him the trespasses." This doesn't strike Ricky as being right. Why should Christ ask us to forgive him? He didn't do anything wrong. He doesn't need our forgiveness. Grandpa says, "That one who didn't need forgiveness nevertheless asked for it--illuminates something very important about forgiveness. It illustrates who forgiveness is for."....."Abigail asked for forgiveness not because she needed to be forgiven but because Davd needed to forgive."

"Abigail's message was that forgiveness was for the one who was forgiving, not the one who was being forgiven. David needed to forgive so that, in the words of Abigail, 'he would continue to be found without evil, so that the Lord could make him a sure house.'" Abigail took on the sins, was willing to pay the price, so David would not sin. If he forgave her, he would be free from the effects of holding grudges.

"The Lord, by taking the sins of our Nabals upon his head, extends us the same mercy. 'Upon me let this iniquity be,' he pleases. "let me deal with it if there is any dealing to be done. But you, my dear son or dear daughter, let it go. Let me take it, as I alreay have done. Forgive.'"

We know that the Lord isn't actually asking us to forgive him, but the atonement is like that is what he is asking. "Inas much as you have done it (or not done it) unto one of the least of these, ye have done it unto me."

This is what struck me so hard: "When we withhold forgiveness from others, we are in effect saying that the atonement alone was insufficient to pay for this sin. We are holding out for more. We are finding fault with the Lord's offering. We are in essence demanding that the Lord repent of an insufficient atonement. So when we fail to forgive another, it is as if we are failing to forgive the Lord--who, as you already rightly said, needs no forgiveness." (p. 66)

"You must repent of your own sin of failing to forgive." "The Lord has already forged forgiveness for her. What more could your forgiveness add?" "The atonement applies as much to (others) as it does to you, my son. I have claimed (their) sins and taken them upon me. Let it go." "You should consider how your failure to forgive is in effect a withholding from the Lord--he who has claimed and atoned for the sins and weaknesses in (others) that you insist on carrying with grudge." So what if the other person doesn't forgive you.....it doesn't matter. Not forgiving them is not really an option if we want to be free from sin. Although we can't be completely sinless in this life, we can at least work toward it.

Christ will show us what pain others are feeling. He wants us to see others as he sees and loves them. "He begs you not merely to ungird your sword but to ungird your heart. If you do, the miracle of his atonement will flow freely, and you, like David, will put down war and take up bread and drink and sheep and figs."

Here are some key points to remember:
1. The Lord has taken the sins of others on his own head.
2. He has atoned for those sins. Our failure to forgive is, therefore, in essence a witholding from the Lord.
3. If we grant this forgiveness in full, he atones in full for the pain and burdens that have come at others' hands.
4. He will bless us with his own love, his own appreciation, his own companionship, his own strength to endure.
If we have these, what more do we need?

I am far from perfect, and I have been "accused" (I say that lovingly) in my own family of too often saying, "Just forget what the other has done." Maybe I really knew that this is how true forgiveness can come. You can't feel good with yourself if you aren't willing to forgive. Withholding forgiveness causes us pain and suffering, heavy hearts, and saddness. We don't need that. The Lord has paid the price for the wrong they did to us. We need to forgive. For our own sakes. This is so important, but so hard.

I have been so blessed that some members of my family have learned to love this message, this book, as much as I. I feel our family relationships have improved so much. There are still others I pray will be able to see the importance of forgiving. It is not just for us, but for others as well. And in forgiving, we are so blessed. Everyone needs blessings. We shouldn't deny ourselves this freedom from the sin of not forgiving.

I am so thankful the Lord has blessed me with some amazing insights into the atonement. I have so much more to learn, but I feel I am beginning to see a little bit of what it really means.

Chapter 6 Atonement

Here we learn that the war can begin before the actual fighting. David and his men started seeking revenge in their hearts, that was the beginning. How many times do we think about doing something for revenge? We need to look in our own hearts to see what we are doing.

Rick has a hard time understanding about Abigail being a "type" of Christ so Grandpa tries to explain it to him. He reminds him of the time he made a mistake in a ballgame that was going to cost the team the championship. But his friend then hit a homerun, which lead to their team winning. Rick said "When Jason hit that homerun, it was the sweetest feeling. It was probably all the sweeter to me because of what he saved me from--not just a loss but also from a personal but very public failure. I felt redeemed." Grandpa explained, "Your error would result in a stinging loss for the team unless someone could do something to make up for it." Jason was a "type" of Christ.

There are so many times that we realize we have done something we shouldn't and we wish someone would divert others attention away from us, from our wrong doings.

David sees Abigail as saving Nabal from his sin of not taking care of David and his men. Nabal was saved from David killing him. Grandpa tries to lead Rick to see that David was also a sinner. We need to look into our hearts. David was sinning when he wanted to kill Nabal. Abigail saved him from doing that.

Grandpa said, "What about our hearts? Remember the Pharisees--they of the perfect actions. Their hearts were corrupt and the Savior branded them as the vilest sinners of the day, notwithstanding their outwardly righteous acts. We sin when our hearts are sinful, no matter what we do on the surface." So what did David do? He carried a sinful heart. "So the story if Abigail is not merely the story of a single sinner, is it? It is rather the story of David responding sinfully to the sin of another."

"The story of Abigail suggests that the atonement is as much for the benefit of the sinned against--the victim of sin--as for the sinner. One of the effects of sin is to invite those who have been sinned against--to become sinful themselves, and that the atonement provides the escape from such provocation to sin."

"Normally we think of the atonement as something that Christ has done for us--for ourselves. But Abigail invites us to look at the atonement from a diferent angle--not from the perspective of how Christ has atoned for our own sin, but rather from the equally true perspective that he has atoned for the sins of others.

That was how Joseph was able to love his brothers when he saw them again after they sold him into slavery. He knew that someone else would pay for their sin. He knew that he needed to accept them. "The Lord packs for each of us, as it were, living bread, water, sheep, corn, raisins, and figs, and comes to us with that offering, inviting us to accept of his atonement for others' sins.

This is one step of the atonement that I never thought of. I always just thought "Christ atoned for my sins." I need to remember that he atoned for the sins of others who sin against me, who hurt my feelings, who want bad things to happen to me and my family. I need to accept Christ's atonement was for them, also, and not harbor feelings against them. Remember actions, perhaps, so I don't put myself in difficult situations, but not expect more from them in order for them to pay the price for their wrong. Christ already did that. I have more thoughts on that, but will address that later.

Chapter 5 A Peace Offering

Here is where we find the story of Abigail from the Old Testament. This is the chapter that really opened my eyes to what the atonement really means. It is very powerful. Abigail brought to David the things her husband should have given him, the things he needed and deserved. But in giving these items to him, she is also making it possible that David, himself, will not sin. He will not advance and kill her husband. She is stopping him from sinning, something that he would be punished for later. David recognizes this fact and thanks her for caring so much about him that she would sacrifice herself for him. He steps back, accepts what she is giving him, and thanks her for stopping his actions toward her family.

So many times that is what we need to do. Like David, we feel we deserve something better than we are getting, something more from others. And that is probably true. But we need to step back and stop our own sinning, stop ourselves from doing what is wrong. Someone else, like Abigail, has already paid the price we are demanding. Someone else came forward and paid what we demand, or deserve, from others. Abigail (Christ) paid what was demanded from Napal (those hurting us), so David (myself) would not sin any more. By accepting Christ's atonement, we see the price is paid and we do not need to "demand" any more payment. Turn it over to Christ because He has already paid the price. I don't need to ask for more.

Chapter 4 The Peacegiver by James Ferrell

Tammy's comment on the previous post was about a part that also caught my eye. I will address it when I get to that part of the book again. Tammy, what you said was so much my thoughts, too.

On p. 29 Grandpa discusses how we justify our thoughts and actions and how we can be right and still wrong. "There are ways to be right on the surface and entirely mistaken beneath. That was what the Savior announced to the world. 'The law, alone, cannot save you', he said. "I require the heart." He reserved his most blistering criticism for the most outwardly correct people of the day, the Pharisees, whom he accused of being 'whited sepulchres'--beautiful, law-abiding, 'in the right' on the outside, yet entirely corrupt within." How many times do we say something to be right but still harbor feelings inside? How many times do we not notice our true thoughts?

And then Grandpa talked about the time he spent away from his brother because of poor feelings toward him. He said he was wrong in his war toward his brother: "My parents did not bequeath me a warring heart. I took that upon myself."

Grandpa teaches Ricky about how/why we mistreat others:"I know Carol has mistreated you. That's what we do to each other--all of us--we mistreat each other, and especially those we live with, for we have more opportunities to mistreat them than anyone else." And I want to add that we mistreat those we should love. Althought it is true we all do it to each other, it is sad if we can't find a way to stop. That is why we were sent to earth, to learn to love each other.

Grandpa goes on to say the quote I have at the top of this blog, my new outlook: "Ricky, I'm going to suggest something to you that you probably have never thought of and will want to resist, but I'm going to say it anyway because it's the truth. Here it is: Being mistreated is the most important condition of mortality, for eternity itself depends on how we view those who mistreat us."

The Peacegiver page 3-25.

I have so many new books I want to read that I have them lined up on my nightstand. However, I want to talk about a book that has changed the way I look at myself. It has helped me see what I need to do to be a better person. I have just finished reading it for the third time and I found new things during this reading that really have helped me out. And, no, it isn't the Book of Mormon but it helps me understand some of the passages in the Book of Mormon. (Which is another book I am working on right now, along with a study companion, but that is another story.)
I was given the book The Peacegiver by my visiting teacher, Joann Ehler. She is such a special person and gave me a listening ear so many times. She has moved to Roosevelt now (sorry if I didn't pass that on to some of you), and I will be eternally grateful for her letting me borrow her book. I since purchased my own and have it all marked up, like I teach my students to do, jotting down thoughts in the margins and writing my thinking. That is what I would like to do here. If you are, or have been, or would like to read the book, join in on my discussion, but only telling about how it is helping you see yourself so you can better yourself. Because, in reality, we can't change anyone but ourself. Darn it! :)
Did you notice in my heading that I quoted page 33 from this book? That sentence just jumped out at me the first time I read it. I think that is the message of this life written in one sentence. We all get mistreated. There isn't a person on this earth that hasn't had others say, do, write, think, or act toward them in a negative way. But how we react is the key to our lives.
I have told my own children many times as they were growing up that the "second" response is the most important. Someone says something to us and how we react sets the mood for the rest of the interaction. So true. How we react to someone's treatment of us tells so much about us. It doesn't matter if we are justified in our reactions or words, we must still learn to react the way the Lord would want us. Even HE was treated poorly, spit upon, accused of wrong doing, called names, spoken about falsely,yet he still treated his accusers with kindness. That is His example to us.
On page 19 I thought it was interesting that the Grandfather (who has died)states: "I've been watching you, Ricky. I ask for reports as often as possible, and occasionally I am even allowed to check in on you." I have often wondered if this is possible because so many times I feel my mother so close. It's a nice thought. But then, sometimes I probably haven't made her too happy. I guess I need to think "Would you do that if your mother were standing next to you?" Maybe she is!
A few paragraphs down it says "You've been in my prayers for years, and never more so than now. There are many who are praying for you, my boy." Isn't it a nice thought that those on the other side have concern for us? But I never thought of them praying. I guess that is their way of communicating with our Father in Heaven. Makes sense to me.
The rest of the chapter talks about the story of Abigail and David in First Samuel 25. I need to read it so I can compare it with the story in the book. I am sure they are the same, but I need to read it from the source.
So much for one night. I would like to write more about the next part of the book another time. I will continue to go through this page by page from the notes I took. Join in if you would like.