New Year

Just because we start using a new calendar people call it a new year. Yes, the number of the year goes up one, but what makes it a "new year" besides that? During a calendar period I have many new years. One big obvious one is when a new school year starts, or a birthday comes around. But in reality, it has always been a year since a year ago. Why do we place such importance on January 1 except for the fact that the number of the year goes up? But, like at the beginning of each year, be it a school year, age, or whatever, we use it as a time to look at ways we can improve ourself, or to see where we might have improved during the past year.

I have never been good at setting goals. I have always hated it. I never like to write down what I want to do this year, or what I am working toward. I just see where I am now and what I need to do, and go from there. I've heard all the claims that a goal isn't anything but a wish until you write it down, and all those other sayings, but I just don't get motivated by goal setting. Most likely it is because I have never kept those goals in mind, or they are unreachable for me. I'm not a "check off the list" person. Maybe that is why I don't get anything done!

Don't get me wrong. I do work toward some "end", I just don't get motivated by goals. Give me an assignment and I'll complete it. Give me a chore or job that you want done and I'll do it if I have the talent or means. If it is something I am passionate about, I will work extra hard and put more into my project that most others. But written down goals.....nope.

Some might say, "But you did do some things, so you must have had some goals." Yes, I finished college, but not in the usual time-line, and mostly out of necessity. I did get my masters degree because the way was opened up for me, not because that was on my written list of goals. I got my math endorsement the same way. If someone was willing to pay for it, I went for it!

I am expected to write down goals for school, but it doesn't change the way I teach, or what I put into my job because I have very little control in the outcome. The state sets our goals at raising our classroom goals a certain percentage each year. I totally agree to do my job to teach my students the most I can. But I can't open up their heads and make it stick. I can't control what answers they put on the test. I can't control if they have breakfast the morning of the test, or if they had to listen to their parents fight all night. The only control I have is over my lessons, how I see their learning, and preparing to meet their learning styles and needs. Sometimes that doesn't raise the class score over the score the year before. Some students just come with lower scores as a group, so it is difficult to raise those score that percentage each year. Those goals just don't work for me.

So, as this new calendar year begin, I can only look at myself and see where I am and work to be better myself. I know parts of my life that I need to work to improve. In order to do so, I need to allow myself to forget about my past, to let the old person go and work on the new person. If I want to improve myself, I hope others will let the "former" me go as I work on the "new" me. For each day I improve myself, I have to forget one day of the old me. Maybe I can erase my old self and let the new self into its place. I just hope others will let that happen and encourage me on the way. If not, what good is trying to work on a better me?

I plan on just working to be a better me. I hope others will allow me to work on myself. I've never done 2011 before. It is all new to me. I don't want what I was in 2010 to drag me down and not have a good year this year. I will make it my year. I will do it for me, because I need to. I hope by improving myself others will see an improvement in me as well.

Happy Birthday, Maxwell!

My sweet Maxwell is a year older today. That means he is a big "5"! Max is definitely a "girl catcher". His eyes will grab your heart, and his smile is a melter. He giggles all the time. According to his parents he is all boy and real trouble, but I don't believe them. He is full of vinegar, as my mother-in-law would say, but that just makes him all the more lovable. When he looks up at you through those eyelashes you can't help but let him get away with anything. We don't get to see enough of Max and his sister, Morgan, because they live in Missouri, but we love the time we do get to see him. Maxwell loves his Grandpa Labrum and enjoyed going fishing with him this past summer. He likes to take us to the T-Rex Cafe when we visit them, and Penguin Park. We love you, Max! Have a happy birthday! Hope we can talk with you today on your big fifth birthday!

It's Tough

Yes, that's how this whole day has been. Tough. How many times did I hear my dad say that? Now, after one year, it is still tough. I thought if I waited until later in the day the tears would be gone, but they aren't. In fact, they are more than ever. I haven't done much today, just don't have the ambition or desire. It's just been a tough day. I knew that Julie and Kent had gone shopping, and noticed that Ruanne and Larry were gone. I felt Garth and I were here alone. Just like we were last year on this day. But it did snow today, just last last year. I will be curious to see if it always snows on December 18th.

I am so thankful for parents who raised me to appreciate the little things in life. I don't need a lot of "things" to make me happy. Material things are far down on my list. But I love the little things like memories, talking with kids, hugs from grandchildren, pictures, messages, all those little things that really end up to be the big things. I am thankful for sisters who I can call at any time. I am thankful that we had family experiences that we shared, that bind us together.

I am thankful that I know my parents live on, that they are together, and that they are waiting for us to join them in the far, far distant future. As I stood there in Dad's bedroom just a few minutes after he passed away, I hoped that he was standing with Mom and watching me as I looked at him. I felt that they were both there in the room, but for just a fleeting moment. I wished I could have been there alone so I could have felt their presence better, but there were lots of people there, and lots of confusion, so it didn't last long. But I know they are together, and that makes me happy.

I'm sure Dad would say "It's not tough here! So just get busy and do what you have to be doing there." So that is what I'll do. I'll just keep on doing what I have to do. And I hope he can be proud of all of us.

Santa Claus, Past and Present

Yesterday Tammy told me a comment Kayden made after seeing Santa Claus at a store. It got me to thinking about the difference between Christmas Past and Christmas Present. I don't just mean MY particular Christmases, but Christmas in general. I've seen a difference in children's reaction to the excitement of Christmas during my 25 years of teaching school. And there is a great difference between the excitement of Christmas 50 years ago and now. I know a lot of my thinking has changed because of my age, but I don't see the excitement in kids that I felt when I was younger. And I think it is all because of Santa.

Back in the "olden days", when I was young and walked uphill both ways to school with my pet dinosaur, Christmas was a magical time of year. Back then the little town of Orangeville was decorated with strings of lights across the main street in town. Actually going clear across the street from one side to the other. There might have been one set of lights on each side street leading off main street. I remember a string of lights that rotated position on the road outside our house. Some years it was in front of the Joneses, sometimes in front of our house, and sometimes in front of Albertson's house. As you drove into town I was thrilled to see those lights. It was magical. There weren't any "fancy" ornaments on the power/telephone poles, just the lights across the street. Sometimes a ligh bulb would be knocked out by boys throwing rocks, but they were quickly replaced. Sometime along the years someone said the lights had to come down because they confused the people who were looking at the stop lights? In Orangeville there are no stop lights, so how was it confusing? At any rate, now there are just decorations on the sides of the street. They are nice, but not the same as the lights across the street.

So,to get to Santa. Back in those olden days, we were very lucky if we saw Santa even once during the holiday season. Santa usually came to visit with us at the ward Christmas party. We always had a primary program for the ward Christmas party, where the children were the actors in the first Christmas pageant. The girls were angels with halos in our hair. Some one would get lucky and be asked to play the part of Mary. A doll stood in for the baby Jesus. The boys got the fun parts of the Wise Men, the Shepherds, and Joseph. Everyone else just stood around with their halos and sang. After the program we would meet in the foyers of the church where there was a VERY TALL Christmas tree all decorated with ornaments, lights, and tinsel. There would be a special chair for Santa and we would crowd around to hear what everyone else wanted for Christmas. It was so exciting to finally get to talk with Santa himself and tell him our wishes. That was most likely the only time you saw Santa until the next year.

These days, children see Santa everywhere they go. They are smart enough to know that every one can't possibly be Santa. So parents have an extra difficult time explaining all the Santas to their children. I think it takes away from the excitement of seeing that one special Santa. Which one is really the real Santa?

Over the past 10 years we have shared in the excitement of Santa with children. We have been blessed to help children see the excitement of seeing Sanata up close and personal. We have been in attendence at several city parties where Santa has talked with children, and then been with Santa the next day as he talked with the same children again, sometimes more than 2 times during a season. I remember one year a special young boy had been on Santa's knee for two weekends in a row. He turned to his mother and said "That is the real Santa because I saw him last week, too!"

In my growing up years Santa was always the "Real Santa" because I only got to see him once a year. He was too busy to come too often, so one visit was all you got.
Are we taking away the magic of Christmas when Santa is on every street corner, and in every store and bank, and every city party ? I don't mean to be a Scrooge, but I don't think it is as special and exciting for children to even seen Santa any more, not like it was for us back then. Maybe too much is not a good thing. Just wondering.

A Wonderful Home Teacher

I am really going crazy. I wrote this post this morning but didn't look to check it after I posted Publish. I was really surprised to not see it here tonight. It also isn't in the saved drafts either. Just really strange. Can't find it at all. I'm sure I won't be able to do it justice as I did this morning, but I will try. (I found it! I put it on the blog for my father instead of mine. I hope no one thought I was crazy, but then, they all know I am.!)

We have the most amazing home teacher. Brother Law has been our home teacher since we moved into this ward when the boundaries were changed. What a blessing he is in our home. Brother Law is a former stake president, and a patriarch, a retired seminary teacher, and a very humble giant of a man. He has come faithfully for over 20 years. He has serviced three missions during the time he has been our home teacher: Argentina, the Phillippines, and India. He visited us the month he left and the month he returned from each mission. I could probably count on just one hand the number of months he has missed.

He has seen our children grow up and watched with pride as they have gone off to school and continued their lives. He asked about them every time he sees us, but especially wants an accounting of them on his monthly visits. He has cried with us, laughted with us, and worries about us as a family. He is so loving.

He came to our home last night, a bit upset that he came on the last night of the month, but that was not a problem for us. He came alone, very unusual for him but what a blessing it became for us. We visited about each child, talked about Thanksgiving, discussed his up-coming trip for Christmas. Then, as he was getting ready to leave, he said he could feel there was something else he needed to talk with us about. He asked us some more questions, and we talked about some of our concerns about personal problems, things that have bothering us lately. We asked his advice because he lives so close to the spirit, and is such a fatherly figure to us. He cried with us when he saw our anguish, he counciled us, and gave us wonderful advice.

As our conversation slowed down and we prepared to end our monthly visit, he asked his usual question, "Can we have a word of prayer?" Now, we have prayed with him every time he comes, and he is usually the one giving the prayer. We have knelt together as a family with our home teacher all these years. Since Garth and I have both had knee replacement surgery, and Pres. Law's Parkinson's disease has gotten worse, now we sit on the edge of our seats and don't even attempt to kneel. But last night President Law asked us to kneel. I knew I couldn't, but Garth and President Law got on their knees in front of me. We clasped hands together, with his hands on top of ours (and one of my hands hold his down so he wouldn't shake so much). He gave the most beautiful prayer on us as a couple, and on our family. We all three were just sobbing throughout the entire prayer. He promised us some very personal things that I won't repeat here. But such a peaceful feeling came over me. I knew that the problems we are facing would be a learning experience for all of us involved, and that we should humble ourselves to accept the Lords will, allowing others their own free agency, along with the consequences of that free agency. And that through using that free agency, everyone would grow because they will realize what the real important point of life is to follow the Savior and do what the Savior would have us do. It was a very humbling, spiritual experience that I will never forget.

I love President Law and everything he has done for our family. We see him getting more crippled by his disease and sometimes I wonder if it will be the last time he comes to our home. If he can't come here, I know we will go to his home to have our monthly interview with him. We surely do love that man.

He has really made me slow down and think about what I can do to be a better person, what I need to do at this point in my life. He encouraged me to wait, and take time, which is what I will do. I know the Lord will help me to calm my worries, calm my hurting heart, calm my fear, calm my concern, and help me return to the family that I love.