Why This? Why Now? Why Me?

This life is a test.  I don't like taking tests!  But I need to remember that I agreed to this test.  That doesn't mean I have to like it, but I did agree.  And I know there is someone on the other side pulling for me, so that helps make it all just a bit easier.  Heck, I know a lot of people on the other side who are pulling for me.  Why can't I pull for myself?  I guess I need to clarify all this.  I am doing fine.  I am not having any difficulty emotionally or spiritually right now.  That isn't to say that tomorrow might be the same.  But right now I am fine.  Which is why I can see the errors of my thinking when I am down in the dumps and things go wrong.  It is always so difficult at that time, during our trials, to feel that everything is going wrong, that you don't get answers to prayers, that you don't understand why you have to go through another problem.  I guess that is why I feel the need to share what I have learned lately when I have not been in that strange darkness.

Long ago I read a book called If God Loves Me, Why This?  I found it again when I was cleaning off my bookshelf.  I started looking through it and thought someone I love really needs to read this.  So I packed it up and took it for a drive.  But during the next few weeks I really wanted to read it again, at least to look through the pages and find some comforting words for many other people I know who are going through trials.  So I took it back.  I know.  You shouldn't do that.  But I will give it away again, I promise.  Like the BFG said, "In about 80 years or so."  

The comforting part I really needed was to read again how much my Father in Heaven really does love me, even if I can't see that.  He is the 'perfect' parent.  The one who does everything right.  You know that kind.  Well, since He is perfect, He must know what my needs are and even if I don't feel He is near me, He really, truly is.  This book stresses that we must remember who we are and what our relationship to God is.  We also need to remember that Satan is the father of all lies, so he doesn't want us to be happy.  When we aren't happy, he is happy.  He wants to keep us away from our Heavenly Father.  Sometimes he does a good job of it, too.

But our Heavenly Father is still there.  Neal A. Maxwell said, "God has no distracting hobbies off somewhere in the universe.  We are at the very center of His concerns and purposes."  (Ensign, November 2003, 100.)  Must have been a conference talk.  But it is true.  God isn't involved in a hobby!  We are what brings Him joy.  He wants to help us. So he sent us to Earth to learn, knowing it would be difficult.  Boy was He ever right!

One line in the book tells us that perhaps God said, "It requires that I do not intervene to soften the impact of your choices--or the harmful effect that the choices of others would have upon you."  Oh, how true.  We have to experience consequences of choices made by others.  What we do with those consequences is our choice.  Then the book also says, "In many cases, those hurt most would be innocent of wrongdoing." Now, I don't know about you, but that is the first time I have ever read anyone acknowledge that those hurting might be innocent.  Think of our children who suffer because of nothing they have done.  God knows this.  But he can't stand in the way of the consequences.  The author goes on to say, "What if our options are limited by the decisions others make?  What if our physical condition keeps us from having meaningful life choices?  Then the mercy of a loving Father's plan is our hope.  The Atonement provides the final leveling of all our obstacles.  Our acceptance of the Savior's atoning sacrifice brings us home.  We are evaluated on our circumstances and the choices we would have made if we had been free to make them."  What powerful words to think about.  ....If we had been free to make them...... I guess He knows what we would have done by our past choices that we DO make.  Maybe I need to show HIM that I will make right choices for the things I do have control over.  "There is a way to provide for those who have been robbed of some of their life choice.  HE is the way, the truth, and the life.  He employeth no servant there" (2 Nephi9:41).  HE is the only one, the only way.  Because HE loves us, there is a way.

I love this sentence: "God doesn't love us because we are particularly lovable.  he loves us because he is God, he is our Father and he has chosen to love us."  God is perfect.  He loves everyone.  I know it is easy to think that God doesn't love ME when I am down.  But He has chosen to, and HE does.  Just as a parent loves their child.  He cares for us as we do our own children, only a whole lot more. Our children don't need to earn our love before we learn to love them.  We love them before we even see them.  Why is it so difficult to believe that God loves us as much?  We love our children unconditionally.  Why would God put conditions on His love?  Why do we think we have to "earn" His love?  When our child struggle and make poor choices, we still love them and want them to see the errors of their ways.  Why do we think God isn't the same?  Why do we suppose Father withdraws when we are less than perfect?  He doesn't.  We are the ones who move away from him.

Can you recognize the pride a parent feels when their child has been honored with some award, or does something so good that others take notice?  Well, guess what?  Our Father in Heaven feels that same pride.  When we make a good choice, we bring Him happiness.  He doesn't sit there and complain when we don't do it every day, but He rejoices with us in our happiness and our good choice.  Think of it this way:  When we make good choices, like going to church, paying our tithing, serving others willingly, relieving other's burdens, we are bringing happiness to HIM.  When we keep trying, He is happy.

Remember learning to ride a bike with training wheels?  Usually the Dad runs along beside the child on the bike, helping him/her learn to keep balance.  They know there will be a fall, a hurt knee, whatever.  But they don't say, "NO!  It is too dangerous! You can't ride a bike, ever!"  No, he runs along beside, giving a helping hand when needed.  Well, our Father in Heaven does the same thing.  He knows we will fall down, we will get hurt, we will be a wreck, but He is there to help us keep our balance, until we are ready to ride by ourselves.  And even then, he will be watching us, ready to help us if and when we fall again, because He knows we will.

We just need to keep trying.  Get back up on our bikes, cautiously pick up our feet and start to pedal again. He will smile at us, assure us He is there.  Then we have to keep going, making those good choices and decisions so He has to run to keep up with us.  He loves us as a father loves his son or daughter.  He wants us to be happy.  He knows what He has to do to be happy, and He wants us there with him.  But it is our choice.  That is the trail we are going through.  And when we can accept all of that in our lives, the other trials will be so much less of a burden.  He is there to help us through.  We just have to ask, and through the Holy Ghost, we will know what we must do.  When we think He must not love us because we have too much of a burden to bear, we need to remember that He has already paid the price of that burden.  We made the choice to do whatever it was to receive that burden, or the choices of others gave us these burdens, but Jesus already paid the price for them.  We just now have to make choices to overcome the effects of the choices.  Jesus agreed to pay the price before we even knew what the price would be!  We knew we would have problems, but Jesus said he would pay for it.  Now we just have to love Him because of his kindness and love, and show how much we appreciate his love by doing what He has asked us to do.  Get back on that bike and try it again!