I am feeling like such an inactive church-goer lately, and it really bothers me. I just watched Tammy and the kids leaving to go to the ward Christmas party and I am staying home. Well, really not staying home because I am taking "Santa" to an appointment in Price, which is why I am not going to the ward party. But I haven't been to church regularly for about 2 months now. It seems that we are always going somewhere or doing something. Not that I haven't been to church, we have. Just not each week in our own ward. We went in Mesa just before Halloween, and in Hyde Park a few weeks ago. We have missed a few other times because of traveling, and then Stake Conference was in there, which is in another building so it doesn't really seem like "church". I am looking forward to a "boring" few weeks of being here all the time. Don't think that I don't like visiting my children, I love it. I just feel a bit unsettled when I miss my ward.

My church membership is very important to me and I feel that going to church is one way I can show my Father in Heaven how thankful I am for the blessings I receive from Him. I know that I don't always attend in the right spirit and keep myself from feeling the spirit of the lessons or speakers. And sometimes I want to feel something but I don't. Sometimes I feel un-needed and just there to fill up a chair, but I realize that is just my own "down-on-myself" times. It doesn't matter if all I do is play the organ one month out of every three, in fact some people would say I am lucky that I don't have any other calling. My church attendance is for me, not others.

It is just hard when people say we get blessings by serving in the positions we have. It is hard on me because I don't feel I hold any position. I have played the organ for 17 years. When people say they "grow so much from my calling" I wonder what growth I have received. OK, I can play most of the hymns with my eyes closed, as long as I don't need to, there isn't a song in the book I can't play. Growth?? I don't know. I did receive lots of compliments about the pre-lude and post-lude music at Joy's funeral. But I don't do my church calling for compliments.

OK, that is the end of my pity-me party. As Joy Lynn's favorite saying goes, "Pull up your big girl panties and live with it." I go to church because that is where I should be, I want to be there and I don't need a calling to keep me going. I just need a few weeks of being in the same place! And next month it is my turn to play again! I haven't even been able to sing the past 6 months so I need to get to that organ again! It will make me feel happier.

And then, maybe I can go to a church activity! At least I am on the activity chairman anymore! :)

Fun Times

It was a very nice funeral on Saturday. I am sure the family felt comforted by all the beautiful flowers and many people who attended.

After it was over, Garth and I headed to Salt Lake, missing the family party, but joining up with our kids. It was fun to have so many of us all together. We missed having Nancy, Dallas, and especially Tyler with us. We went to the Gateway to get tickets for Bee Movie, ate at some Mexican place (I am terrible at names). Garth and I took Lexi, Morgan, and Kayden to the movie, Tammy went shopping, Barrett and Chantel took Koy and Maxwell with them. It was a great time.

I don't have must time to really write my thoughts because it is getting late in the morning and I have to get ready for school. But I really enjoyed the weekend and hope we can have more before one-fourth of our family leaves again. Hopefully Nancy and Dallas can make it up before Barrett and Chantel leave. I would REALLY love to have a family picture taken.

Thoughts

I am just feeling a little bit blue tonight. I was planning on going to the viewing tonight because I know it will be hectic during the morning getting everything ready for going to SLC afterward. But Garth was called to go to work taking tickets at the basketball game. I just don't understand why that is his responsibility to even be asked to do. I have to do "duty" time in elementary school. Why aren't the high school teachers expected to do it as their job? I just don't get it.
So I didn't get to go to the viewing because I didn't want to go alone. I just don't like to do that visiting alone. I feel so emotional and self-conscience about it. I know people say just going to visit is wonderful for the other people, but I have a difficult time doing it.
Another thing,...with all the snow and confusion it creates, and my duty schedule today, I totally spaced out ordering flowers for the funeral. So I am feeling bad about that.
Everyone went to the basketball game except me and Koy, which was fine because I wanted to get some laundry done so I had what I needed for the weekend. But one of these days I want to go somewhere I want to go. I didn't go to the Relief Society "get acquainted" party, or the RS Christmas party. We will be going to the high school faculty party, and my faculty party, that is if I get a second to go pick up some gifts. I don't even have time for that.
I haven't walked into a store to pick up even one Christmas gift, and I would like to get that even started. But then agian, I don't even know what I need to get. Since I hate shopping so much, maybe that is why I am procrastinating getting any shopping done.
I am looking forward to the day with all the kids tomorrow. I just hope we don't have any trouble getting up to SLC. I don't like to travel in a storm and that is what we have all the way up to the city.

So I am just feeling sorry for myself I guess. Hopefully I will be able to snap out of it soon.

Let It Snow

We went to bed last night with a light taste of winter falling. When we got up we had about 4 inches of beautiful wet, heavy snow. It has snowed off and on most of the day. I had morning recess duty and worried about the weather, but it was beautiful. The students were having a blast playing in the snow. It is great for making forts and snowmen because it is so wet. We came in with soaking hair and red cheeks, but it was a wonderful morning. We probably have about 7 inches now with promise of more overnight.

We are so lucky to live in an area where we feel safe during a snowstorm. We look forward to the moisture and the fun in the snow.

Tomorrow will be Joy Lyn's funeral so all this snow might put a damper on the events, but she loved winter because of Christmas. I was honored to be asked to play the post- and pre-lude music. It is the least I can do for the family.

The Beginning

I guess the time has finally arrived. It is time I start writing down my thoughts because you never know when it will be too late. That realization has hit me so hard today because of the events of this morning. Today I lost a great friend. She is the one responsible for introducing me to the man who would become my husband. We have been friends since we started junior high school together.

She married a boy I knew since kindergarten. Her husband grew up in the same little town I did. With only 8 girls and just as many boys in the entire town, we were a close group. Our world expanded when we entered junior high, and then again in high school, gaining friends from neighboring towns. Our graduating class had a total of 98 students.

We went on to college, she and her husband to Logan, and me to Ogden. They set me up with their friend who had entered the mission field. We wrote for 24 months, and married two months after he returned home. The rest is history.

Joy's history stopped today when she was released from her mortal body that had suffered with cancer for several years. She had breast cancer and went through all the chemo and radiation associated with it. She started the masters program with me but didn't get the chance to finish because of her condition.

Then can last year and she was feeling so much better. So she decided to start with the math endorsement classess. We had so much fun in our June class, riding together, going to lunch each day, and just laughing together. On one day we were assigned to find the area of our skin. (I know, a strange assignment.) We discussed how we would draw geometric shapes of body parts and find the area that way. She laughingly said she was minus one cone that the rest of us had to count! We laughed do hard at that! On the last day of class she mentioned that she had been bruising a lot and showed us the bruises on her neck. It looked so bad. She had an appointment the next week with her doctor. She was put in the hospital for tests and found she had leukemia. She was in the hospital for many months, getting ready for a bone marrow transplant that never came. She was able to come home for a few days in the fall, but returned to the hospital again for more treatments. She was able to return home at Thanksgiving to spend the rest of her life surrounded by the people she loves, and who love her.

Joy raised 4 sons and a daughter. Two of her sons have Downs Syndrome, one very severe. Jared (age 31) has been by her side holding her hand all the time. She has been a remarkable lady. She taught school as a special education teacher. The district will never be able to replace her.

I will be eternally grateful for the part she played in my life. I am glad she was able to be released from her pain. She has earned her place in the celestial kingdom.