I have had many conversations with others lately concerning this topic. It seems to be the buzz around our area of the world right now, for some reason. We also have been talking about it a lot at home around the dinner table. My daughter, Tammy, wrote something about it on her blog the other day, and so I thought I would also, just to help clarify my thoughts about the subject. I have read many articles in different church publications, looked up the scriptures that are given, searched it out in several sources, even asked some other bloggers who answer questions about church doctrines. So my thoughts come from many sources, but I have clarified in my own mind, the comparison between judging and having an opinion.
In education, we teach students to compare objects, things, stories, etc. Not to say that one is better than another, or to evaluate one as better than another, but see how things are the same and how they differ. We should also look at ideas to see how they are alike and/or different. So that is where my thoughts have gone.
We all have opinions about different things. Our own opinions most likely differ from others because they are based on our background, interests, abilities, and point of view. Opinions can change. Opinions are personal. They can be private or public. No one can argue your opinion. They may try to get you to change your opinion, but it is yours to do what you wish. If you don't want to change you don't have to. If you see reason to change, you can. (Unless you are a politician, then once you have stated your opinion, you had better now change it or you will get the rath of others!) We have opinions on many things: people, movies, books, hobbies, cars, flowers, any and everything at all. We also have opinions on ideas, not tangible things, like freedom, love, good-looks, tastes, personalities, and all other emotions/feelings/ideas. We all have opinions and we can voice them, or keep them to ourselves. Others can agree with us, or not. We can change opinions, or not. But in all things, we should be kind about our opinions, thinking about what consequences may come if we voice our opinions and how we will react to others reactions.
How does this all relate to judgements? Judgement, in my opinion (!) is how we react to someones opinion, or how we don't react to it. It also is how I allow my opinion to affect my relationship with others, or how I interact with things. Let me clarify:
If I have the opinion that I don't like mushrooms (I love mushrooms!), I might voice that opinion when I see food prepared with mushrooms. If you cooked the meal, you could be offended because of my opinion and not include me in your group of friends simply because I don't like mushrooms. You will be allowing my opinion to affect our relationship. Is that a fair way to judge someone's friendship? At the same time, I could say I don't want anything to do with you because you cook with mushrooms! Since I don't like mushrooms and you cook with them, you can't be my friend. Doesn't that seem silly? Just because we have a difference of opinion.
Now, that might be a bit far out, but how many times do we do just that? How many times do we shun others because they have said something that offended us? How many times has someone voiced an opinion and we use that moment to decide we don't want anything to do with them any more? I see it happening repeatedly.
Are there times we should judge? Of course, but we should still react in a Christ-like way. We need to judge who are friends should be, but still treat those who are not a close friends with dignity and respect. We judge to set our opinion, like when we choice a movie to see. But if someone chooses to watch a movie that we wouldn't watch, we shouldn't write that person off a "bad" person. Our reactions are what turn our judgements into something they shouldn't be. Do we gossip about others because of their opinions? Do we share our opinions about others to sway others? And if we do, is it done in a negative or positive way?
My husband's father was a wonderful man; he was also very opiniated. He was a great judge of character. But he was very kind a loving. He would tell you the character of a person in a cautious way, to let you know to be aware of business deals, etc. But he would never label the person as a bad person, or someone you didn't want to associate with. He would still treat them as if they were his best friend. He set an example I am striving to be like.
We should all feel free to voice an opinion if the time and place is appropriate, and using the approriate voice. Our judgements about others' opinions should be in a spirit of love and acceptance.
3 comments:
I have been debating on commenting and decided to just do it. IN MY OPINION... I think that sometimes we get in a mind set that we are right and someone else is wrong. We forget that their life experience is not the same as ours. What they know is not what we know and vice versa.
It reminds me also of the nature/nuture debate. I really think that some ways we handle things are the nature of who we are and how we respond is the way we are and sometimes it is the environment. When you live in a place that doesn't let old things go and a place that no one thinks you can change you are destined to not be allowed to have you own opinion or to voice that opinion.
Having a different opinion that someone else doesn't make anyone wrong ( like you said) and we shouldn't pick or chose who's way of thinking is ok and who's isn't just because we don't like them.
might not make sense but in my crazy head it does to me!
I agree with everything that everyone has said. The problem is that while we all usually agree when we speak (or write) in these terms, applying them to real situations is sometimes hard.
How I interpret you telling me you don't like mushrooms can be effected on whether or not someone cut me off on the way to Grandpa's (for some reason this is where I imagined the scenario taking place). When we step back and look at the situation it all seems so silly, but when we're in it and our moods and emotions are involved our judgments are likely not as fair.
The reason I'm saying this is because the other day we got the Ensign and the manual for the training session from February and during the round table discussion one of the ladies, I forget whom, said the following: "It's not about who's right, it's about what's right."
That really struck me. The exchange has absolutely nothing to do with you liking or not liking mushrooms and everything to do with how we treat one another. Even if you were implying that you hate me because I cook with mushrooms, that's no reason for things to escalate.
I think we can apply that statement as a sort of test to see if our judgments are in or out of line. If our actions can't pass the test, then we were out of line.
That's really hard when you're as stubborn and prideful as, say, a Ware.
It's not about who's right, it's about what's right.
You are so right. It is difficult to remember to practice what is right in our daily lives. It is like the kids in Primary. They know all the "right" answers, but on the play ground on Monday they sure don't act like they responded in church on Sunday. It is difficult to put into our daily lives, but we sure need to work on it.
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