I love Sundays. I love going to church and knowing I enjoy being there. Even though some Sundays I feel ignored or un-needed, I love knowing that is where I should be and I am doing what I should do. I love coming home to a warm house and spending time with my husband. I love the comfort I feel at home. I love how church lessons get me to think about what I need to improve myself, or that I am doing okay in some areas. I like the comfort I feel knowing that I can look at myself and decide what areas I need to work on, not needing to depend on someone else to tell me what they think I should do.
I am thankful for the Lord helping me get through some tough feelings today, helping me to see what I need to do to get over these feelings.
I have always suffered from low self-esteem and have craved acceptance from others and never felt that people I valued valued me. In the past when I allowed the actions or words of others to hurt me, I would want them to hurt as badly as I did. The past day I have been struggling with those old feelings again and I didn't want them. I wanted some people to know that their inability to forgive and forget was hurting me again, or should I say "still". And then I realized that it doesn't matter. That is something they will need to work on. At church I was taught that my tials are to help me and that perhaps the lessons I learn will enable me to be there to help them. I read back through my posts on Agency in the Balance and Judgement or Opinion and remembered all those feelings of the past years. I am sorry if you don't like me, or my children, or my family, or whatever. I am sorry for whatever has been said that offended you. I don't want you to hurt the way I am and I don't want anything to come between our friendship and family. I would hope and pray that we can get over things in the past, recognizing the difficult times we have all gone through and realizing that some things are more important than past words or actions.
One way I get out of my pity-party is to make a list of SOME of the things I am thankful for. So here goes:
1. I am thankful for a Father in Heaven who loves me and my family, even in our weakest times.
2. I am thankful for free agency that allows us to make wrong choices because without this agency we can't make right choices.
3. I am thankful for trials because without trials we wouldn't recognize blessings.
4. I am thankful for weaknesses so I can appreciate strengths.
5. I am thankful for a Father in Heaven who stands near during our joyous times, allowing me to be thankful for everything I have.
6. I am thankful for my children who keep me strong, who allow me to make mistakes so I can grow.
7. I am thankful for a husband who honors his priesthood and uses it to bless his family.
8. I am thankful for parents who taught me to think for myself and speak up for what I believe, for my dad who would try to get me to debate him each morning on our ride to school. He wanted me to make valid arguments so I would be strong and be able to speak my own mind, even if he didn't agree with me.
9. I am thankful for a mother who didn't pass judgement when I didn't keep my room as clean as she thought I should, and who still invited all my friends over for fun around the piano.
10. I am thankful for my sisters who have been such good examples to me. They have each had such great trials of their own, and I am sure we will all have more. But they keep on going, doing what is needed for the time.
11. I am thankful for my husband's extended family, my wonderful in-laws. They are such strong and loving people. I love the hugs they give. They have shown me it is okay to show you care about people by putting your arms around them. I didn't have that growing up and I am glad my children can see that other people besides mom and dad can show that public love.
12. I am thankful for hugs and kisses on the check. I love giving and getting hugs with my children and grandchildren. And of course my husband.
13. I love hugs from my school children. I love walking down the halls at church and having them come up for a hug. Today one of my students from last year came to me and threw his arms around me. Walking behind him was an older former student who did the same thing. Right behind him was an "older" former students (28-29) who said he wanted a hug, too! We laughed together about how special people are in our lives.
14. I love hugs from my neices and nephews. I love how Scott (42) and Devon (43) still give us hugs. And Traci (17) and Aubrey (12?). And all the others inbetween. And I even get hugs from Landon still, that I enjoy so much! And Chelsie who hugs my head because she is so much taller than me.
15. I love living in my small town. I love the comfort of knowing my neighbors.
16. I love my job and the people I work with.
17. I love coming home at night and spending time with my husband. I love the comfort I feel with him, that he is my best friend.
18. I love reading to my husband when we travel. I love that he lets me take a break and sleep for a few minutes!
19. I love the squeal of my grandsons when they open their birthday presents!
20. I love my family.
1 comment:
I think one good thing that has come out of how you are feeling is that we are all working much harder to get a long. We want that long last relationship.
Those that don't "like" us are people who will have to answer for themselves why they treated others a certain way. That always makes me look at things a little differently.
Another thing is that those people who are "not nice" are ones that will miss out on wonderful blessings that come with knowing and helping through trials.
Anyway, Thanks for the list. It is a reminder for me to be thankful for lots of things.
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